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So this week has been an 'up and down' sort of week. Frustrations at work and generally getting annoyed at how I look has been the story of the week. One of the things I do enjoy though is getting out on my lunch break and taking photo's around the city, those little things that people generally walk past daily and fail to notice. So I have been out doing that. I will upload some photographs in the coming weeks. I've also managed to find myself a quiet place where I can go and get a coffee and generally be ignored and watch the world pass by. I suppose I should add a little more about me, so this is taken from my profile page on another site: I am a transgender female who will not be transitioning anytime in the near future. There I said it!For FAQs see bottom of profile!After a number of incidents in my childhood, which I let define me for too long I was fortunate enough to find someone who actually loves me for being me, and someone I could equally love back.I have had a lot of friends go through transition and lose their families and loved ones as a result. It would be psychologically detrimental for me to do that, having spent so long being neglected.Having spent so many years trying to be something I wasn't I legally changed my name to give me more of an androgynous feel and to help me be who I am on the inside.Educationally I am due to begin my Masters program shortly but as well as the more serious subject matter I have also taken night classes in Skin Care, Beauty and Make Up as well as dress making. My guilty pleasures are Art Galleries and Fashion Magazines.I am also a big fan of Twitter and more can be gleaned about me from https://twitter.com/TGcharlotte if you really must.Having moved from the UK, where I used to go out in Manchester I now find myself living in what I consider to be the best place in the world.It hasnt been an easy journey in my 40 years but I am now moderately at peace with myself.Obviously I still have those bad days but I have learnt to enjoy life as me.I am happy to support newbies so please feel free to message me.And that's just about me other than the regulatory 5'11 hazel eyes and bergundy hair Take care and be safeC.xoxoFAQs.Am I full time?I am a female in the wrong shaped body. I am full time in terms of being a human being who just happens to be female. Please understand, clothes are just clothes, wearing women's clothing doesn't make me a woman, my brain has first call on that.Do I like Men?No, I am not sexually attracted to men at all. I like women, confusing I know but try being me, or my wife, how do you even begin to define that relationship other than its a loving one.What will you talk about?Fashion, music, social and behavioral psychologyWhat won't you talk about?Anything to do with sex, sport or car engines

Quick update - I did get my prescription yesterday, and was able to pick it up and start taking it yesterday I almost flipped out at my doctor - when I went in to meet with him he pulled up my therapist's letter - FOR THE FIRST TIME! I had sent it over a month earlier, and it was just one short paragraph. The problem was that he started saying that he would like something more detailed, and I was afraid that would hold up the prescription. It didn't, he gave that to me anyway. So delay averted. He said that he's starting me slowly, so that I might not even notice the emotional changes as they happen. But he's a man, so what does he know. I'm hoping that sleep will return tonight. That last 2 nights I haven't been able to because of the excitement. I go back in about 8 weeks after getting blood work done again to see how it's going.

Dear diary, so I appear to have been marooned on to this island somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere. Although there are tracks from other people it appears that I am still alone here. OK so a slightly dramatic entrance to the world of blogging, but I have been asked to try and avoid the self deprecation and trans-angst which is all too apparent in our own lives. So to help with my own therapy, and to avoid triggering depressive thoughts to others I will try and avoid getting in to myself too much. Of course there will be times when I am seriously, those times when I can't look in to the mirror and see me, or when I pass a window reflection and get confused at the 'other' person looking back, but I promise to try and keep it light and interesting when I can. My aim is to write on a weekly basis, talking about some of the things I have seen whilst making my way through a life which won't involve full transition or GRS; a kind of half life if you wish. Anyway, that's enough of an introduction. Read more as the week's progress and you'll probably get an idea about who I am and what my interests are. If you've dropped by and clicked to read, then thank you. I hope I have pricked some interest and I am honoured you have taken the time to read this far. Take care and be safe C.xoxo

I'm sitting here at work trying to focus on work, but far too distracted by the thought that tomorrow at 2:30 I have my next endocrinologist appointment! This is the one where I will (hopefully) get my HRT prescription(s). In the back of my mind is the fear that I'll get there and they'll say something is wrong and I can't do it. My therapist has done an admirable job trying to make me not worry about that. She pointed out that they hopefully would have contacted me already if there was a problem. That sounds right, but i doesn't completely extinguish the fear. She also earlier mentioned that the blood work was more for determining appropriate levels, not as much (or at all?) as a screening mechanism. So again, hopefully that's true :-) As for the "big" question, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this is the right thing. Anything that I had earlier that may have been doubt (but was more likely fear disguising itself as doubt - fear is a tricky little bastard) is gone, gone far away. One recent thing that confirms it is something I observed in the rest room the other day. As I was washing my hands I looked in the mirror and realized that I'm actually happy about how I look. This isn't narcissism, far from it, I don't think I'm "hot," I'm just happy about how I look. Go back a couple of years and that was absolutely never the case. A friend of mine once observed that I had no mirrors in my apartment, aside from the bathroom mirror. It was never a conscious thing, but it was true that I just wouldn't buy them, I didn't want to see myself! 22 1/2 hours to go :-) xoxo Christie