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What about names? How do I pick a new name, that is like the hardest choice ever! Do I just girly-fy my name or pick a whole new one? Do I keep my last name? I imagine I would keep my last name, provided my family don't disown me when and if I tell them. I like Olivia, I knew an Olivia once, she was nice but I don't want to just cop out and pick any random one. I like anastasia because I read 50 Shades and loved it! I also don't want any of that silly nonsense like 'North West', what is that?! Tricky stuff, it'll be a long time before I need that fortunately so I have some time to decide. Thanks for reading :)

Seeing that I have the time on my hands let make this one clear. For 5 days out of the month, I am on a lower dosage of estrogen, and it kinda makes me cranky as hell. Reason being is that I have decided to go the medically induced period cycle, and I know it is motha of all hell pain cramps, because I've always had these cramps from my 9th birthday. Some months it's good and I'm just cranky as hell. Other months it is so bad, I cramp and start crying from the pain. But I know it is now in tune with my body cycle and I will just have to deal with the cramps, being pissy to people, crying for no apparent reason, and being needy over those days. Oooh don't let me go into the don't touch me mode. Then not even Thor with all his strength will be immortal, as I will crush his spirit into a painful mere mortal death. What does this mean for me as in a whole with a relationship??? Okay, it's the first time we together and this cycle has come, so I warned him of the possible side effects. Yes, FX is on. What I believe and what Jazz's mom tells her in I am Jazz is right. Be honest about who you are, because there are evil people out there. And her parent's are constantly worrying about her ever finding love with a guy or girl that respects her. I also hope that she gets what she needs in life, and I hope that for me too. Would it have been easier if I was medically inducing my periods from a young age like Jazz, maybe. But on the other side, I would not have known that people can be so cruel because they don't understand the changes we as transgender persons have to endure just to feel whole. But I also hope that the earlier changes for the young teenagers are going to put them on a more level playing ground with the rest of the world. My cramps and my pms, on the other end of the scale is unique. As I don't think many transgender females naturally produced so much estrogen like I did which put me on an advantage to feel body changes on the inside that others had to wait to experience... Okay I struggled to grow breast, am still on only an A cup and at least the cups are the fuller A's then the partial A's they were. But I also knew that I would end up here. Because my family has breast sizes ranging from A cup to FFF Cups. The ones with the big breast are also the idiots in my family. I stood in the line for more smarts then a voluptuous body. No I am not saying that big breast and blonds are idiots by nature, only the big breasted women in my family are idiots. And they think that sex sells and men will do anything just because of some breast and giving them the cookie jar. I love that I can still creatively thing of names for things that would just sound to crude at any given moment. Okay, the last thing about me being on the period cycle of hormones are, I want my body to simulate a natural female body with hormones and in doing so assist with the development I am going through. And it has made a big difference from the 18 months of straight hormone high to period cycle. I have developed more, and it has kept my migraines more at bay. To all have a good day. Be safe, and think before you do. I have discussed this before I did it. Cheers for now Michele with love

I've been sooo busy just recently, preparing for hols and also cramming in work, then going on Holiday to Luxembourg via the Channel Tunnel with our Land Rover and Caravan, stopping overnight in Northern France then driving through Belgium to Esch sur Sure where we spent just under two weeks. When we got back I had to attend a Charing Cross GIC appointment yesterday after catching up with two weeks worth of work e-mails, and then today again busy all day at work...............it's a hard life ! So Esch sur Sure, we pitched up the caravan and went out most days to other parts of the Ardennes including Germany and Southern Belgium which I think I'll cover with subsequent entries. The little village of Esch is situated on the River Sure which is a tributary of the Mosel (or Moselle en Francais), it also forms a large part of the border betweeen Germany and Luxembourg a bit further downstream. It's a in a lovely setting inside a loop of the river at the bottom (well aren't all rivers??) of a deep and steep gorge like valley, see the photo's and I hope videos if they can be attached? It rained a hell of a lot but it didn't spoil the holiday, we went out walking along the river and through the woods on the valley sides on days when we didn't go out farther afield via the Land Rover. Cheers for now, Eve IMG_1400.m4v IMG_1399.m4v

I've been on a schedule to have blood work done every four months since starting on hormones where I don't see the doctor, just the tech for drawing blood out. Today I did see the doctor, gained one pound since I last saw her woohoo. She goes over the normal things than says she want to examine me down below. She said I had excellent depth and width but said my urethra was a tad under size. Asked me if I had any issues, I responded truthfully, no issues. When done she said I will see you in 12 months and in the mean time if you need refills for prescriptions call them in. Next up, get some blood drawn, long story short they tried three times and zilch, nada, nothing. I said perhaps I can get my local doctor to draw blood (I have two doctors) and she gave me a sheet indicating what they needed. Got home and hit my local doctor, One try and Niagara falls. Afterwards she says I apologies in that I need to send your blood off as "male". I said guess I have no choice and walked out. Two hours later she calls me and says she found a loop hole and was able to send my blood off as female. So this is a heads up, the above happened today and several months ago the Red Cross wanted to do the same. With the Red Cross I said no but went back a second time and there was no issues, was listed as female. So for those who are transitioning be forewarned about this.

So it's time for bed and I can't sleep so I start watching an episode of a show that was recorded. After a bit I feel tired enough to attempt to sleep. After laying in bed for about 30 minutes I realize this is not happening. Back to watching television. About another 30 minutes later I feel it's time to sleep and try again. Guessing 15 or so minutes later I am still having difficulties. I then remember that sleeping on my stomach use to work and matter of fact slept on my stomach all my life until five years ago because of a surgery prevented it and became a side sleeper. Why not give it a try I thought. First problem, my breast get in the way and it's not helping me to sleep so I figure out how to position myself via how my arms are positioned and I think it's working. Then out of nowhere my vagina gets excited I think "not now" so I re-position myself on my side, dang feelings persist. If there is one thing I have learned about down there is once the feeling starts it's not going away anytime in the near future. About the only thing I can do is work it out and think well when still male after orgasm I could sleep. It was a risk and mind you I like orgasm but really, right now, no no no. Well it seems that I did what was needed and did finally fall asleep. I have to laugh because I like those feelings but not that intense, and they were intense unlike before when going to sleep they are barely there and when really tired non-existing. For the life of me can't figure why they started as there was nothing in my head that would arouse me and laying on my stomach should not have started them. Would welcome any thoughts on this.

This afternoon I was talking to a female friend showing off my Miata and this guy looks out the car window and says yells to me and says "nice butt", had to be me because my friend was facing the other direction. Then the other day my neighbor tells me her husband saw me walking down the street but did not know it was me and said she has a nice butt then she goes, that's Karen. Funny in that I never got this before and know full well that taking hormones has zero effect on how one's butt looks so not sure why all of the sudden I am having men yell to me about my butt. What I can say even thought I am not into men that it's feels great getting these complements and is a confidence builder if nothing else. On a side note my friend whom I was with today purchased a new BMW sports car, seems that I was the fire to ignite her to purchase the new car. I think for the money my car was a better bang for the buck but will never tell her that as she spent $50,000 and I spent $30,000. In these matters best to simply compliment and leave it at that.

Happy Saturday everyone! I just finished my second full week with my new position and my mood is so much better than just a few weeks ago (when I wrote about feeling any lack of purpose). The new position involves managing the school's website and social media accounts. I thought what I had been missing was making a meaningful contribution, and that was true, but more specifically what makes this so good is that it calls on me to make independent editorial decisions, rather than just doing clerical work. Of course I get feedback on what I do, but I enjoy a lot of trust from my supervisor (and her feedback has all been very good and constructive - and reasonable considering I just started). So between my transition and my new position at work, things feel so much better! (The salary increase helps too - ironic that after becoming a woman they started paying me more). As a quick side-note, on Monday i'll be finishing off donating my male clothing, which also feels good (and admittedly I had worried a little about how i"d feel doing it). I found a group in NYC that provides services to people with AIDS, the clothing goes to those with limited resources, so I feel really good about that! And one correction - in my last post I misspelled my new middle name, it is "Anne," not "Ann." Final bit, I bought the cape below today (and a couple of fall/winter coats). Xoxo Christie