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It's been five months now since I restarted my regime of herbal hormones. I have had ups and downs but in general it's been a pleasant experience. I started seing a difference in my breasts almost from day one but didn't expect much else from the herbs. The research I have done indicated slower progress and diminished results opposed to that of conventional medicine. Be that as it may my emotional state has changed. I feel more at home in my body. The anger and frustration has subsided and calm and serenity has taken it's place. I still get stressed and since I came out to my family and friends I tend to grind my teath but I use to do it before the hormones and attribute it to my general stress levels. I am more aware of it now and can intervene to stop the stress cycle. I also noticed recently that my sense of smell has improved dramatically. My breasts are sensitive and I get growth pains often for days on end lately. My sex drive has diminished considerably and although I am still able to forfill my duties as a husband I don't feel like doing all sorts of crazy things to satisfy my urges anymore like in the past. I feel in control for the first time.

Hi there all. I have mentioned that I was applying to an internal post at work, and that it implies that I will by an acting fleet manager. On the 30 September 2015 I was officially informed that my application for the post was successful. The amazing part was, that all my competition were butch guys and little feminine old me won the race, and I didn't come second, third or any other number other then number 1. I started on 7 October 2015 at 07:30 and my first day was a blast. I enjoyed the new challenges that were thrown my way. And day one ended exhausted and going to the gym with a friend. But I enjoyed every second of it. On day two, I found new damages to a vehicle and had to write persons for damaging the vehicles. I know that you can feel and possibly strip one nut of the wheels and not the rest. So I was super pissed off when all six on the one wheel were stripped and good. Today we started out sorting the vehicles and I ended up helping to clear an office my previous commander was in and an even older commander will be occupying. I am so glad that I am getting him back that I want to see if he answers me, but I don't want to be dissed or not answered because, I don't know if he is ready for the work he will need to do. I am now done with day three and all is well, I had my targets performed for the day and I'm systematically sorting out the backlog of the previous regime, but I should also know, there was not commander in that post for about a year. So it is remarkable that I have maintained the quality of standards that I would want in a work place. Okay, what I am doing is to get all the things my boss would want, and that is my priority, but secondary function is to make certain that the vehicles on the police station are running and all in working order. I am doing this because, i need my people to take care of the vehicles and not to make me look like a fool around the guys. What made me laugh was, one of the guys I worked with saw me and made it clear that he is looking at my boobs as I am busy working on attempting to fix a flat. I laughed because I know he is harmless and if he messes with me, I will go to his wife and she will inadvertently sort him out. The thing that keeps me feeling like my shift is still loving me is... The one is telling me to never return to the shift because I decided to leave. But then our captain needed help and I told her, I don't need to help him and I can just get in my car and drive home as my time is up at work. The next thing I know is I get grabbed from behind and hugged, and they telling me how they missing me and I have only left them. Their days are quieter and no one is around to make them think on their feet, so they aren't even getting excitement. They missing me for my administrative skills, and my knowledge in the field as a functional uniform member that that knows my complaints, the books, how to deal with a complaint, take statements, certifications, and overall to deal with prisoners and the community on a whole. They missing me as it is feeling like the ship is sinking and the one that always had control of the pumps to ensure that the ship never flooded or even took up any water, has gone. Yes I am proud of myself for getting the post above all, the men that were just as capable as me in vehicle knowledge. The only thing they beat me in was that I don't have a truck license and don't intend to get one. I like and prefer to be driving only cars. Would I change my decision now that I have had a little taste of what is to come. I don't think so. I am enjoying myself to much and I don't think I would change it for the world. So my career is taking off and my love life too. Good for me. . Cheers for now people. I'm out. I am falling asleep in front of the computer. Night from #TransIsBeautiful #FemaleStrength #LovingYourself Michele

It's been a rough two weeks. My mother is still not talking to me, my father seems again torn between the love for his family and the love for his wife. I attended the Pretoria pride as first drag princess and I attended the weekly support meetings. I am learning alot of new things about myself and transgenderism in general with all the exposure I am getting. I have met so many people with the same affliction as me and cried more tiers in this short time than combined through out my old life. The hormones are really helping my dysphoria and for the first time in my life I feel at piece with myself. I feel a little selfish yes and I am sorry that everyone around me has to live this with me, but somehow I believe this will make me a better person.

It has been a rough week. I told my friends and parents I am transgender. My wife has by far had the most emotion about it and we spent a number of hours crying together in the last two weeks. My father also had his whole array of emotions infront of us as I spilled the beans on how I have been hiding this burden in my life from them for 30 years. He has subsequently accepted it and offered his support and even made an appointment for me at the psychiatrist. My mother gave me her cold medical shoulder and said it's my thyroid gland that is defective and I need medication. A few days later she warned my wife not to sleep with me anymore as I am now gay and an AIDS risk. My sister and I had a heart to heart and she later told my dad that she feels sorry for me for having to have hidden it from everyone for so long. I feel lonely and abandoned at the moment since my sturn male persona crumbled in a matter of weeks after serving me so well for what feels like a lifetime. I am going to miss him too you know, but he broke and I can't stand the thought of even trying to fix him. I am out now and I am never going back. People will just have to get use to me the way I am now.