Leaderboard

So, I spent a fair amount of time on the web yesterday, researching the various ways I can change my name. While there are some very simple ways to do it, there seems to be one best way that is accepted as 'official' with regards to obtaining a passport and driving licence in the new name, so I reckon I'll have to go with that. And then it got me thinking about names. For years, I thought I would be going for James as my new name. It just seemed like "me". I can't explain it any other way. Then I liked Jamie for a while too - and with Scottish blood in my family line, James gets converted to Jamie quite often in Scotland, so if I went for James as my official name, I could still let people call me Jamie, I suppose, if that was what I wanted. For the purposes of registering on this website, I called myself Jay. And I realised I like that name lots too. Last night I came to the conclusion I was still undecided on what I'll end up choosing, although all my favourites begin with J. My birth name begins with J so maybe it's for that reason that I'm seemingly sticking with something beginning with J. My signature could remain the same, if I have a first name beginning with J. My last name isn't going to change any time soon, it would appear, now that my husband is backing me in my desire to transition. But I'm pretty sure that's not the reason I initially decided on James, all those years ago. Changing a signature isn't a big thing. Changing a name is. Choosing something that will work for the rest of my life is a big deal. But there are millions of names out there to choose from, so how does one choose the perfect new name? I work for a company that has over 100k employees. There is only one other person, in the whole of the company, who has the same last name as me. Given the size of the population, that's a little surprising. Guess what his first name is? It's Jay. I only remembered that fact last night while lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep. But today, I think I'm a James, after all. And I think I always have been.

I just watched the video below which some might think is boring yet in my mind is well worth the time and energy to sit down and watch. They talk equally to M-F and F-M. There are many who think they have it rough today but I believe after watching this video you will think differently. One transgender, April, she is the epitome of making the right decision and is gorgeous to boot. I did learn that in a James Bond movie there was a transgender and is was very hot. Of course not all transgender can be hot but it's nice to see some just the same.

Last week I was called Mam four times. Even had one restaurant employee say " Welcome ladies - how are you doing" as I entered his restaurant. I have given up correcting people, actually kind of like how it makes me feel. A month ago in boy mode I was at a sports expo and had stopped at a booth selling shoe inserts. The shop/booth owner was busy and asked one of his workers to "please help this woman" I could not believe myself - how feminine I must have looked to him. (Really was not trying) Yesterday, I had two women runners make commits on my shaved legs "how are they were so perfect" and "perfect looking legs" Have any of you all had these kind of comments - even when in boy mode?

I get in the shower, wash my hair which is done every week and sometimes two weeks. Stare at myself in the mirror and think, I am bored with my hair color and need to change it to simply blonde rather than blonde with a tad of brownette. So I waited until my fav salon opened, two hours later and went in, chatted with my stylist and she told me what she would do for me. Well three hours later we finished up and I am very happy with the results (need to take a picture still). Two hours is when I need to get out of the chair, went outside and by accident my thumb touched my still wet hair and did not noticed for about 30 minutes, eek, damage done, my gorgeous nail was now smeared with hair coloring so once finished I went to the nail salon, for them it was less than five minutes. She uses a Dremel to remove the color, puts on a new top coat then one minute for the clear coat to dry. They never charge me so that was nice. Any ways those dang hormones are too blame for me spending $150 to get my hair done where if I simply had a touch up done the cost would be about 40-50 dollars. Girls, I would not have it any other way, just that over the past six months (and my hair stylist thinks the same) I am doing crazy things that pregnant woman do. Now I will really be upset if I get cravings for pickles and icecream EDIT Well I swear, started out the day in a black skirt, black tights, black top and flats for getting my hair done. Came home to wash the car and changed into tennis shoes, shorts and the same top. Now my brain says, off with the shorts and bring on the capri's and red flats. I am such a girl.

What about names? How do I pick a new name, that is like the hardest choice ever! Do I just girly-fy my name or pick a whole new one? Do I keep my last name? I imagine I would keep my last name, provided my family don't disown me when and if I tell them. I like Olivia, I knew an Olivia once, she was nice but I don't want to just cop out and pick any random one. I like anastasia because I read 50 Shades and loved it! I also don't want any of that silly nonsense like 'North West', what is that?! Tricky stuff, it'll be a long time before I need that fortunately so I have some time to decide. Thanks for reading :)

I think that with my blatant lack of make up expreience it's going to be a real hardship. I have some and some more coming (it's so expensive!) but not a clue how to do it really... I kind of know a little through watching people do it and a couple of youtube videos (the source of all my learning) but I imagine I'm going to look a state when I first have a go ;) I haven't tried any of it yet but I think the beard will be interesting to cover. Obviously I'm going to shave as much as possible first but I'll never get right down to skin. Another thing is contour? I have a man face pretty much and I believe this contour thing makes it look like you've got shape or depth? I don't know, I'll focus on not looking like a 4 year old just painted my face first ;) So I bought all the stuff I think I'll need. Foundation, eyeliner, blush, eyeshadow and some brushes, if theres anything I missed or some hints in how to use these items please do let me know :) Thanks for reading, any input would be much appreciated, in any aspect of this whole thing.

So, while I am at the beginning of my journey, I'm trying to think of everything. Right now I'm focuses on appearances and finding out how I might look. At some point I will try and test the waters outside, maybe go to the shop at first then venture out further. Before that I need to really know what to wear, make up, all that great stuff. So I guess my question is this, to anyone else out there that has already transitioned or anyone going through the journey too: What did you wear? How did you wear it? How did you know you were ready to go out? I look forward to talking to all of you Edit: Just wondering, if there are any cross dressers, drag queens or trans folk out there who have worn bras as a male? If so what did you stuff them with, I know you can get like fake breasts but just thinking of right now... Socks? I have tried socks I'm just curious...

Okay, on day one I was exhausted and still went to the gym. This week I managed to go to the gym 3 days with my friend. One I couldn't go because I had to attend to a work function. What I noticed on Wednesday was. Meeting day is a crappy day to be at the station. I should thank the heavens that I wasn't put in charge of typing the minutes as well. I hate doing minutes. I had to sit in some meeting that was super boring. And another where I call it a crap out parade. Shame this one Captain just seems to not be in the good books at all. On a brighter note. My Colonel is back, after having a triple bypass and I would have told him to stay at home seeing that the wounds have not as yet all healed, and he developed some infections. But how can you tell a workaholic to stay away from work, if that is one of the things that is making him sick and depressed. So when he says I must drive him somewhere, I just get a vehicle and drive him. I think he is more open about things with me as I am open about myself with him. After he was informed that I dated, he initially jumped to a time I dated someone around the corner from his house, whom was also in the police at that time and abusive. I should be glad that I didn't tell him that ex is in jail now, or he would've blown a gasket. In that breakup I need the protection of my Colonel to make certain that that guy stay away from me. He showed how protective he can be over me and then his friend the commander of that person also had to intervene, because I didn't realize I was dating a psycho, until he became abusive to the extent of punching me a few times and going for a firearm to quiet me up, because no amount of hitting me can make me go quiet. Actually I defended myself, but couldn't get to my phone for help to arrive. I should say, fortunately for me, I had my firearm on me that day, or things would've been different. What I mean by that, I would've been shot, if I didn't have my unique place of pointing a firearm to make any CIS or Transgender Male drop their weapons in fear of losing their little guy. I walked out and as I drove off that day I called to say, don't bother calling me or trying to see me, no person threatens my life or hits me to return into my life without being an arrested suspect. Long story short, I need to run. Just got an urgent call. Will continue on this later.