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Well, my name change became official this past Monday (the 19th). I was hoping to get some documents taken care of, but was thwarted by the court, they hadn't recorded the last filing, so I couldn't get the certified copy of the order that I needed. I got that this morning - yay!!! But then the social security office was closed (at noon! what's that about!?!?). I'm hoping tomorrow morning I can get social security and driver's license done, then I'll have what I need to plow through the rest of my list (that'll take a few weeks, but I've prioritized it). I'm also changing my gender identification for social security and driver's license, they required 2 different certifications (one from a doctor, one from a therapist), but I have both documents now. As I filled out the payment form at the court I realized it was the first time I officially wrote my new name on something, that felt very good :-) I went out Monday night with a couple of friends for dinner to celebrate "name day" - we went to a TGIF's in Jersey. The evening started off very nicely as the hostess complimented my make-up (which was especially nice as it was the make-up i had on all day, just a little touched-up before dinner). I'll do something more tomorrow night assuming I get my driver's license. xoxo Christie

It's been 3 weeks since I last consumed alcohol, I've not really missed it, except for a couple of glasses of red wine with the Sunday roast or Saturday evening fillet steak with roast mediteranean veg. It's surprised me really because I loved drinking proper English cider, especially the Herefordshire varieties, but it's been easier than I thought it'd be to go without. Why would I want to apparently give up drinking alcohol? On my last visit to ChX GIC I saw Dr James Barrett (Psychiatrist), who incorrectly thought that I was an alcoholic, and spent almost all the appointment telling me of the evils of drink, & had the audacity to recommend to go to Alcoholics Anonymous! Well I'm strong enough to do what I want and not drink or drink as I want to. He's gotten this opinion from a lower than average oestrogen count in my blood test results, this after being diagnosed with having a fatty liver by a liver specialist, who told me that some people do have fatty livers, it's nothing to worry about and it shouldn't interefere with transgendering. It was hinted by Dr Barrett that I wouldn't be recommended by him for GRS unless I gave up Alcohol altogether. Well my latest blood test results came through recently, and they showed no signs of any alcohol related problems, my blood was taken only two weeks after stopping alcohol, now I'm sure that two weeks is not long enough to miraculously have near perfect blood test results, if I ever had an alcohol problem in the first place. My female partner (wife) is a medical Doctor and she can't see a problem either. However with the threat of no GRS hanging over me, I'll continue to live in an alcoholic desert until Christmas, and see if there's any improvement in my life. I have another appointment at ChX GIC early December with Dr Seal the Endocrinologist, I'll discuss the issues with him, and then follow his advice. It just makes me realise how Psychiatrists think that they know everything, and then judge others by their own values. What the hell has Transgendering got to do with Psychiatrists anyway, how can they come to such verdicts 3-4 mins in a consultation, only having read my case notes, and not ever having seen me before. I don't need any "well done for giving up drink" comments please, it's easy I just don't do it, it's easy because I have never been an alcoholic, It's easy because I choose whether or not to drink alcohol. Now food and eating is another story, especially if I'm bored, and it has everything to do with transitioning.................. Cheers, Eve

Hi everyone, I've been less active here recently because of my new position at work - i actually have work to do But I am still trying to keep up with reading entries! It's been 2 months of living full-time as a woman, and about the same on hormones. With the exception of being misgendered a couple of times it's been wonderful. Between this and my new job I don't think i've ever felt such contentment. I do wish my sister would come around, but fortunately i've come out to other family members who have all been very supportive! Next Monday (the 19th) my name officially changes, and my official gender (where I can change that). And when I see the endocrinologist again I plan to ask for referral (s) for a surgeon - if things continue as they are i'm hoping for top surgery next summer. I'm still working on the "what else do I want/need?", but making some progress. I stopped the volunteer gig that I had at a comedy club as it was no longer contributing anything to my life, and next Wednesday I start a new trans group at the lesbian/gay center. I've donated most of my male clothing now (to ascnyc, an aids service group). I'll stop this stream of consciousness now and catch up on some of your entries xoxo Christie

Ok people, sorry for the bummer of a subject line, but a week of insomnia isn't conducive to optimism It could be from my shoulder surgery, but as each day passes that seems unlikely - it's not hard getting comfortable anymore, I just stay wide awake. I think it is, indirectly transition-related. It's not because of transitioning, but because the transition had been so all-consuming for awhile that I had put aside other concerns. Now that i'm acclimating more to transitioning (though not completely yet), i'm faced with the feeling again that so much of my life feels like a vast, empty wasteland, no matter what way I go, or if I don't go anywhere, it's all the same nothing. Transitioning in this context takes on a new feeling - if i'm going down I might as well go down as me and not a fake sorry for the downer entry - needed to get it out Christie