Leaderboard

So, I have been told quite a few times to put myself in my parents shoes. And I have been. I am trying my best to view things from their..eh, what word could I use? Perspective? I'm not quite sure, I'm not good with words. But anyways. I can understand that something like this is hard for them, considering that they were born in a completely different time. So I know I have to be easy with them, but at times it can be hard because my parents want everything to be their way. If things don't go their way they get upset. I don't try and talk with them about it only because I get nervous and break down easily. And my mom is always staring at me which makes me extremely uncomfortable. She never looks away, she just stares at me with her cold, blue eyes. I have tried talking with her a few times but it is hard for me to talk about my problems and how I feel because I always kept to myself. I have struggled with my gender for awhile. I can't really remember what age I was when I felt the need to be male, but I was a kid so whenever I thought of something about myself I just tried my best not to focus on that. I focused on trying to please my mother and father but that didn't really work. As I got older and older I struggled more and more with myself. I was always so insecure and bashful about my face, my body, my voice. All of that. I was never comfortable with myself. When I got to the ages of 11-13 I began to self-harm. I grew depressed, I always spent time in my room away from my family and barely left the house. And I still am like that, but the self-harming is getting better. I have been clean for a few months and the cuts on my legs are beginning to heal. In the seventh grade towards the end of the year I went to my friend Haylee and pulled her aside and said. "Haylee, I have to tell you something." And so she looked at me and waited. And I built up my courage to say "I think I might be a FtoM Transgender..." and we talked about it, she tried helping me with dysphoria and also tried to find me some support groups. And we talked about it a lot. She still does. When I go back and ask her how she felt and what she thought when I first told her she said to me "I wasn't really that surprised to be honest. I just kinda already knew." And so that's how that went. I do research on things, and I am also in counseling with a wonderful guy. We talk about a lot of things such as what goes on at home and how I am doing so I am getting the help I have been in need of for such a long time. I understand I am still young and have a long life ahead of me, and I need to think about things carefully because I dont want to end up doing something I regret. But I'm fighting to move forward, I'm keeping my head held high and I'm trying to find out who I am and sort this whole thing out.

Hi all, Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'm not sure, since I haven't written lately, if I mentioned writing to my brother a few weeks ago about my transition (we don't speak often, so calling about it felt weird). Anyway, he's not the most progressive thinking person, so I didn't know how he's react - and it had been a couple of weeks, so... He called me tonight. He admitted to not understanding it (but heck, I don't either), but he said he's not going to judge and he is supportive He had some health concerns that I think I helped alleviate. My sister is still "absent," but thanks to this call I have to say I feel less alone tonight. And he said he'll work on her (I resisted saying it was sweet of him to stick up for his little sister). It's just pointless wondering, but it made me wonder how it would have been different growing up if we had a big brother/little sister relationship anyway, wishing everyone the best for the holiday tomorrow. Christie

Hello, as said in the description, I am Jackson but Jack is just fine. I am 14 years of age and I am what others would call a "FTM Transgender", or simply "Female To Male Transgender". This blog will mainly contain posts of my journey as a transgender youth living with an unsupportive mother and father. It is hard, but I have to stay strong and keep moving forward in order to get somewhere. I will also give as best of advice as I can to transgenders who haven't yet come out to family or any kind of gender really. It is a hard thing, I understand that and I know it can be scary. It was scary for me coming out to my parents but I still did it because it was something I had to do. I wouldn't get anywhere if I hadn't come out. I will ge more into what had all happened once I get my account and blog all set up, so until then stay tuned with me and wait for my next upload. Love you guys, Jackson

Several weeks ago I attended a week long summit at Microsoft for MVP recipients of just under 3,000 people and out of the 3,000 less than five percent were female. The woman on the far right is a Microsoft employee that has a section on what is called Channel 9 (part of Microsoft) that is devoted to to females as developers and innovators in the field. We met in passing at the beginning of the week then the next day she asked me to participate in a interview. She actually got the majority of females to participate so she segmented us into groups of three so she could get all of us on camera. There was around 20 minutes cut from the video which did not fit into the topics that were all girl talk and some other topics which all I can say is "what happened in the room stayed in the room". Going in I did not indicate I was once male but at one point it made sense in that my old male mindset could contribute to the conversation. If you watch the video note there is no surprise and that the women doing the video said she would had never guessed it. Afterwards the two woman on my right said they had no clue until I said my former life was of a male. The woman with the short hair is a lesbian which I learned from her becoming a Twitter friend and also from chatting with her on a Microsoft bus headed back to a building where the main events were being held. After watching the video I was not happy with my posture and voice (voice was okay but needs more work) but then again we are our worst critics. On a side note as planned two years ago I have made an appointment with a voice therapist in January to work on my voice. I chatted with the therapist several weeks ago, we discussed her plans with me, she has worked with trans people before. An hour time is $70-90, a sliding scale. I indicated to her that my goal was to not strive for the best but to strive for acceptable for what I am capable of without pushing the limits. On a comical note, the little rubber figures on the table may seem odd but they are given out to people who had been interviewed and well sought after so I cherish mine.

I am thankful for many things today. Heading off to a friend's home to spend Thanksgiving. Not looking to the driving but love this family as the entire family has been super supportive of me. The children range between 16 and 25, when I told them they said we support and never talk about me as a male, the female says I have great fashion sense and we even talk about girl stuff. The mother flew down to California to be with me the day of surgery and two days afterwards. She was also there for me for three days recovering from breast augmentation. So I am thankful to this family over the past few years as a female and about 6 years prior in my former life. Have a date after visiting with the family above, have been with this woman before and would had taken her to the gathering but she is in a field where she has to work today. I am coming up to 12 months since gender reassignment surgery and so happy beyond belief. Hope everyone is with someone today which I know may not be possible but still hope it's possible as being alone on holidays such as this can be depressing and that is no good.