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Well, it's exactly a year to the day since I changed my name and became a full - time Eve begining my RLE. It's hard to believe that I haven't appeared as male in all that time, and all the things I've done and places I've been as Eve. Physical development too, especially facial features, I look in the mirror now and know that I don't look like a bloke anymore - hurray that was one of my greatest fears. I don't worry about passing anymore, I don't worry if someone realises that I'm trans either, I'm just me and I'm happy with myself. I find myself thinking about outfits and how I'd feel wearing them, I can't stop buying clothes, I just love being me.........And to steal someone elses phrase, it's my Birthgirlday, and I'm one. Last month I attended a trial trans / gender neutral only swimming session, but couldn't swim due to a deeply gashed palm, but on Sunday I will wear a swimsuit for the first time and go swimming, I also have a swimming cap in pink! Can't wait, but I hope one day to be able to go to any swimming pool but it'll have to wait until after GRS. So in the meantime this looks as if it's the only activity when I am still in an artificial environment (closet ), well I really look forward to seeing what the next year brings when I'll be two. Hugs, Eve xx

As I posted in my previous entry, it was my Birthgirlday yesterday. I recieved an unexpected confirmation of my new femininity, but I was unsure about what to do with it. I had received a letter from the Local NHS Trust giving me an appointment for breast screening. I was unsure whether or not to accept it, because I thought that maybe it was dependent upon the age of the breast tissues, and with mine being very young, they might not have needed a mammogram. So I phoned the Screening Service and discussed the issue with them, I spoke to a radiographer who said that I should attend, because the screening was not dependent on the age of the breast tissue, but was dependent on the age of the person. She also said mammograms of transgender people are a relatively common occurrence.......It's so nice to be looked after..... It all goes towards my feeling very happy as the real me that I've become. Hugs, Eve

So, I told my dad and my brother that I am going to transition. There was the expected silence, and then I waffled a little more to fill in the silence, not entirely sure what I was saying but I knew I was rambling. And then I asked if they had anything to say. My dad said, "It's your life and I wouldn't dream of trying to tell you how to live it. Do whatever makes you happy." My brother said nothing, but I did notice he suddenly found the rugby on the television rather fascinating. So I said, "You're very quiet. What are you thinking?" And he turned to me and had a go at my husband, blaming him. That was totally unexpected and, I think, a little unfair. Admittedly, while I was considering moving out - thinking about splitting from my husband - I did talk to my brother about it. I've moaned about things my husband has said and done in the past, and so it's more than likely my fault that my brother now has a lower opinion of my husband than I'd like. But my brother's words were pretty venomous. Not what I was expecting at all. He blew up, spouted a load of hurtful stuff and stormed out of the room. I decided not to go after him, having realised that it was probably better to give him some space. My dad said, "Give it time; he'll be alright." Then he told me it's going to take a while for him (my dad) to get used to it, too. He said he wanted to apologise up front in case he still calls me by my old name occasionally, because it's going to be a hard habit to break. My brother returned and repeated what he'd said previously and then he left the house. My dad and I stared at each other for a while and then we started talking. Initially about my plans to transition and then onto other things. My dad talked about my childhood and how he'd noticed plenty of times that I was never really a girl and how it all kind of makes sense really although he will never fully understand it. He said that all he ever wanted for his kids was for them to be happy and then he talked about his own childhood; about how his parents fought all the time but that they loved each other madly and they loved their children. We did a lot of reminiscing and then he reiterated that he wants me to be happy, before I decided it was time to leave. I haven't seen my brother since that day. I don't really know how long to leave it before I approach him. But I did receive a message from him where he apologised for the words he'd used. I replied to say it was fine (which it wasn't really but that wouldn't have helped) and that I thought he should concentrate on himself and his family and forget about me for a while. He replied to say it was just a lot to take in. And I suppose that's exactly it. It is a lot to take in. It's a lot to process. I've had forty years to come to terms with what I am and what I was going to do about it. It's only in the last three years, give or take, that I've actually thought that I could do something about it. People around me have known, to varying degrees, and for varying lengths of time, what I am. But now that I'm actually doing something about it, from their point of view I suppose it's a major shock, and they're facing a new reality that they never expected. It's just that, from my point of view, that happened the wrong way around. I expected my brother to be the one who said, "Fine; go for it." I expected my father to not understand and to be upset and to reject what I said. But to have my father say it's fine and my brother to storm away, well, that was unexpected.