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Well who thought that 38 could look this bad. I didn't, cause I know when I'm bad, I'm at my best. So who wants to disagree. And yes I've been absent for some time.

Four years ago, my company decided to implement a canned solution for the business which meant after the four-year process those (like me) developers that were not part of the migration from old systems to new systems would be placed into a very different position with the same pay, extremely easy work. Sounds great unless you’re like me, not into easy work. So I emailed the CIO of a sister company asking if they had any positions open? Side note, she knew me as a male when she worked in my company. Also, I was loaned out to this company two years ago for two months. Was told there were no positions open but then was asked to meet her (this by the way was in the beginning of December 2017) and the IT manager two weeks later. Talked for an hour with no openings. On the weekend prior to New Year’s my manager calls me into her office, said that I was asked to do a six-month rotation at the other company and was informed the next day would be my first day. Well I’ve been there ever since and they did find a position for me but will not be open until June 2018 and will start the hire process two weeks before my rotation is up. Now the important part, since I’ve been here nobody knows of my past except for the CIO and one other manager. I simply blend in, nobody has a clue of my former identity. Now the key for those still on the path to transitioning is your overall presentation both physically as in appearance and of course voice and mentally which means you believe you are female and have worked on all aspects of being female no matter if you are below average, average or better than average matched to a cisgender female your personality will shine through as female.

As I prepare to start my transition into a girl I guess I have to start by coming out to my family and friends. As I start thinking of how I should break the news to my family I know my dad will prob be upset the most. I already came up to one person already who was my former teacher from high school. She has been in my corner from the beginning which has really helped my confidence about being my inner girl.

Hi all Another journal entry I would like to share. William had taken over the last few days and we went downhill. I could not break through until early this morning. Finally I rested back control. I had to reaffirm my femininity. I am a female, I embrace being female, I love all things feminine. I kept repeating this mantra for a few minutes after I woke up, before I got out of bed. My mood lifted immediately. These are critical emotions for me to understand. If William takes to much control and suppresses me we go into a funk and if I let that funk continue it will quickly turn into full blown depression, that blackness comes and with it the dark thoughts, we cease to live and simply exist It is only when I take control that we come alive again. It is only I as Elsa do we become whole, depression lifts and my thoughts are bright and well lit. It is only as by me being female that I live and not simply exist. I take great heart that when I take over and William fades we become a more complete person and I know that being female is the right path. Hugs Elsa

What I looked like at 37, the very end of 37.