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KarenPayne

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  1. KarenPayne

    Phase II

    By KarenPayne,

    Thought I would disclose my current plans for me in regards to making changes I thought about first then acted on. There were no rushed decisions, all well planned out beforehand.
    Phase one was gender reassignment surgery and breast augmentation.
    Phase II current to end of February
    The Fraxel Experience: laser treatments not only improve the look of your skin, but it will improve the health of your skin and the strength of your skin by encouraging collagen turn over and proliferation. Your skin will become more like it was in your earlier years, and after about a month, it will feel better when touched. I had three sessions done as of yesterday. I don't see a huge difference but a handful of people (whom I did not tell them I had this done) said I looked younger or, there is something different about you. I will say that this is a painful procedure on the nose and upper lip but worth it since people do notice a difference. I plan on doing this once a year. Fillers for cheeks, this was done last week. Did not notice a difference until a week later and this gave me a huge smile. This needs to be done every three months. Botox for upper lip, done last week too. After the first week I am seeing changes everyday for the better. Voice lessons begin end of January, have four sessions set. Hypnosis to enforce what I learn with voice lesson. The practitioner said one session was enough after my consultation. I asked if having a session before and after would help, she said yes so my first session (two hours) is this Monday.  On the Frazel, botox and fillers I received great discounts. I used them two years ago for my permanent cosmetics for eyebrows and got a discount then too which they do in December. 
    Phase III (last one) is planned for March which is a brow lift. Same surgeon that did my breast.
    After breast augmentation I said no more surgeries but after a discussion with the surgeon who did a follow up on my breast three weeks ago indicated I could benefit from a brow lift yet admitted I was fine without one but would improve my female appearance.
    Admittedly I could easily not do any of the above in regards to phase 2 and 3 but I feel they will make me a tad better. I always stress when getting procedures done to not over do it, make me look natural, not fake. 
     
     
  2. KarenPayne

    Love this line

    By KarenPayne,

    I was on another site for trans and cross-dressers and read the following line.
    The problem is that you can only hold beach ball under water in the deep end of the pool for so long. It eventually will slip out of your hands and rise to the surface. It will probably also hit your chin and hurt you on its way.
    That is a great line when at least thinking of myself prior to surgery and I am betting many before and after surgery can relate to this. Think I was just about there for the chin shot but happily avoided it.
    If you have done research for many it's a sledge hammer early on before having much life experience which can lead to dark thoughts and physical pain while others will endure until no matter how much of an effort is put forth the ball comes up. 
     
     
  3. KarenPayne
    A few things that come to mind with humor.
    You can (or should not) go into a bar without a companion Females include you in their secret chit-chats (that's why I transitioned, just for that) Make sure to read the restroom sign (ooooops I made that mistake already, got some looks) Female products have a "Woman Tax" Pany liners uug You start noticing things like oh, my legs look crappy, exfoliating time Stay way from Victoria's Secret's, you can pass by one and not buy a new bra, panties, lotions etc. Panties rubbing against private parts may cause unexpected O's that will not stop It's more difficult to shave underarms with real breast. You will put a thong on backwards at least once Shoe purchases increase, you need a room for all your shoes so you kick your son out to do this (only kidding, gave him two months) It may not seem like it but dilation is crap at first but gets better and less frequent. The real thing is a better way to dilate  Larger than a 34B cup bras come in less colors (damit), stores seem to cater to 34B more than 36C. It will become more and more apparent "It's a man's world" Dating becomes (at least for me) easier but also you get to see things through a mirror. You now love to listen to Katy Perry Clothing and shoes, at home becomes optional You enjoy Tofu and fruit cake Toilet seats seem less cold (yeah right) Toilet paper, can't be without it now. I keep a roll in my car and wipes in my handbag Your journey is finished, far from it. The ride is more enjoyable through life. Miss something from your former life (penis envy haha), there are strap ons for you. I am sure there are many more things I have not thought about.
     
  4. KarenPayne

    Current events

    By KarenPayne,

    Yesterday I am walking up to my work area, a woman stops me and ask if she didn’t mind me asking a personal question. Since I have only seen her (there are over 1,000 employees) and not worked with her I figured it’s one of the following stock questions, where did you purchase your shoes or something along the line of transitioning. My perspective was if it’s about my transition (which nobody has mentioned in over eight months) it’s fine as she seems like a good person.

    After saying yes to her question said I looked familiar but was unsure from where. Then she says, were you once male? I said yes. She then asked if she could hug me and I said yes and she did. Then she says I looked gorgeous which I thanked her for the compliment.  She did say if I had said I was always female her next question would had been, do you have a brother or other family member working here as she was not certain on if I was once male. We chit-chatted for a few minutes but the subject of transitioning has passed and onto weather and the little things in life.

    Next up, I have joined another transgender site, Susan’s Place several months ago and this week was asked to become part of their staff which I accepted. It’s not that Susan’s Place is better than this site (TGuide) but felt the need to move on from here, at least for a while. Just keep in mind that this site (TGuide) is like no other trans site on the web and you should be proud to be here. What I have seen during my time here is a tight nit family of likeminded people who support each other and my wish is for that to keep going.
    In closing, I hope everyone here is moving forward on their journey and enjoying life. I know not everyone can say they are progressing and for those my wish for those who are not find some peace in their daily life.

     

     
     


     
  5. KarenPayne
    Two nights ago myself, two Microsoft managers and three Microsoft engineers formed a panel on inclusion and diversity in the workplace. The settings, a room filled to capacity (guessing 400), two wine bars, cheese and crackers. We sat on stage, each with our own microphones. Yes the entire event was video taped by a professional team.
    After a ten minute introduction by the sponsor (a Microsoft program manager) a question was asked, each one of us responded then moved on to the next question. At the end the audience was given the chance to ask the panel questions but nobody took advantage of this but at least for me five people came up either to ask questions or to say how proud they were of me for doing this. One even asked for my email as they are dealing with a transgender child.
    The event was scheduled for a mere 30 minutes. I said up front this needs not to be constrained by time and they agreed which is good because the event lasted over one hour.   
    When being driven back to my hotel I noticed a high number of notifications on my Twitter account, wow, lots of followers from the event, way cool.
    Next day I had several people come up to me at other events and said they enjoy hearing me speak.
    Oh, I was torn between indicating I was formerly male for the first question/give a short intro of yourself but ended up indicating by past. Got some blank stares like "really". What blow my mind was after talking about why we need transgender people in tech and why they are not (thinking fully transitioned vs in the closet) all I could focus on was the majority of people were applauding me which is a huge step not so much for me but for the transgender community at large.
    Never thought I would be an advocate at this level but now so happy that I can be part of making people aware that the majority of transgender people are assets if given the chance rather than being part of low-income part of society. I did point out that like cisgender people there are indeed un-balanced people in the transgender community so we area in one sense of the word all cut out the same with a chemical imbalance (or is it balanced).
    With that I would like to see others educate cisgender people showing them in a positive manner we are here, normal people that truly want to contribute to society, be loved, have friends and family and live together.
     
  6. KarenPayne

    Clothing style uprooted

    By KarenPayne,

    Pre-surgery for as many years back as I can remember my clothing style was pretty much short skirts or dresses until the age of 50 then I slowly transitioned to jeans where there was something inside of me that provoked the change.
    Beginning with the year prior to physical transitioning I might have worn a skirt once or twice and stayed steadfast to jeans then to leggings which for whatever reason were my staple lower body garment of choice. I was wearing leggings with tops appropriate for various occasions, meaning my butt was not exposed.
    Heck if I can rational why two weeks ago I got a impulse to toss leggings, jeans and skirts and now totally into wearing dresses.
    I first visited Macy's in Portland Oregon as in Salem (my home town) Macy's I didn't care for the dress selections. Ended up with three dresses perfect for the workplace and two pairs of heels (I'm guessing 3.5 inches). To be totally engulfed with dresses, three was not enough, thinking it would be nice to have a variety, boat neck, scoop neck, below the knees, above the knees etc.
    Next stop was Amazon where another five dresses were added to my wardrobe. When to conclude (for now) things I hit a store in the local mall to purchase two evening dresses and another pair of heels.
    I'm going to do one last thing, winter is arriving shortly and once here will look for deals on dresses for next spring and summer, not a person that does "what's in style" either so I'm not going to worry about that too much.
     My only explanation for the change is hormones. For those who have been on hormones for several years I'm sure have seen gradual changes in both physical and mental areas and think this is part of my change in clothing style.
  7. KarenPayne
    In one of the local transgender/cross-dresser groups one of the new members, close to 80 years old brought his wife and two daughters to a club we frequent. I walked in an hour if they got there because of my day long drive with the local sports car club. Said Hi, sat down. the new member, let's call her Jane introduces me to her family and doesn't actually say I'm transgender or post-op I'm guessing that it's assumed since the table is full of cross dressers. When Jane was done talking they asked me some questions, one of them was, what brings you to this club and being with crossdressers? I said, they are friends. The one daugher said "it's wonderful that you can be friends with them", I said it's easy as I was in their shoes not so long ago and now post-op.
    Her response was, really? I thought you were a female (meaning that I was born female) and would have never guessed otherwise, then the other daughter said pretty much the same thing. 
    So after chatting for several hours I can see Jane has a very supporting family, the two daughters have taken Jane out for makeovers, clothes shopping and even to selected a suitable wig for her. I could see that Jane is not going to have any issues with her family which is really nice. 
    When Jane first came to an outing with us several months ago she had never gone out dressed and was not dressed the first time. She has come a long way with the assistance of her family and our group.
    The group is named Rose City Girls. This group, the majority are cross-dressers has at least two events every week, one for dinner and one for out to a bar. They have golfing events, travel to various events and even do cruises. If you are in Oregon or Washington consider joining. The only requirement is a to have a photo of yourself and a valid email.
     
     
  8. KarenPayne

    Halloween

    By KarenPayne,

    This morning I went down to chat with a fellow co-worker, asked him "I wonder if people here will dress up today?". I asked because not every year they will, kind of hit or miss. He was unsure same as me.
    He then told me that a former co-worker told him that I killed it one Halloween (way back in 1996) when I dressed up as a female. I vaguely remember until this jogged me memory. I had dressed in proper business attire, mid-size high heels, black stockings, black dress, just above the knees, while blouse and black blazer. As the story goes (because I didn't know this) was that this former co-worker arrived and thought to herself, who is that woman sitting in Kevin's desktop. She didn't say anything, waited for me to turn around and took a minute to realize I was dressed as a female.
    Any ways the former co-worker told my present co-worker I killed it in that it was not apparent that I was "me" until she stared at me for a minute. 
    That brought a smile to me today, twenty some years later, I will take it
     
     
  9. KarenPayne

    Five days on the road

    By KarenPayne,

    As many know I love driving my 2016 Mazda Miata and belong to a local Miata club.
    Last week I spent five days, Thursday through Monday driving with 17 other cars, a total of 22 people, all cisgender except for me. I have never mentioned my past life and transitioning. I bring this up because those who have plans for transitioning need to know when you do things right e.g. work on your female voice and be comfortable in your new skin coupled with mannerism and age appropriate clothing even if someone has doubts about your gender it will be a non-issue (not sure if I've been ever made but know this from others).
    I was hit on by one man in the club and a female employee of a hotel (for anyone who knows Oregon, the chateau at the Oregon Caves). The man made his intentions clear but I made it clear I was into females. The employee at the hotel, let's say we had a wonderful time in the middle of the night (we stayed at a different hotel each night). She told me at the end of this month they are closing the chateau as their contract ran out and someone out bidded them.
    All in all this was a great time getting to know several members better, some from other Miata clubs where there whom I met at what we call "Explorer Oregon" which my club puts on for four days each year in July. Nice seeing familiar faces.
    Oh less I forget that four of the five hotels had both hot tubs and pools. Since I've transitioned I never refuse to take a swim or relax in a spa.
    In closing, in the attached image I'm the car behind the front red car.

  10. KarenPayne

    Its been a while

    By KarenPayne,


    Time
    Have not been here for a while. Been working almost everyday assisting people with COVID relief as I work for Oregon Employment department. This week is the first time I've turned on my personal laptop since last March,
    What prompted coming back here is just a simple update and thoughts on my progress.
    I think in the past year or so my transition is only thought about when I hear or see something on television. Otherwise I never think about my transition.
    Been really bad about dilating, about once a month or so but have not lost any depth.
    Any ways think I will check in more often and go deeper into what it's like after transitioning after six years.
    Hope everyone is good and staying healthy.
  11. KarenPayne

    Published

    By KarenPayne,


    Published
    About six months ago my job changed from writing enterprise web applications to now teaching seasoned developers to transition to another ecosystem. While doing this I was asked by a magazine (well a friend recommended me) to do a write up on something that is well worth knowing yet not many have written about.
    Can't point to the article as its for subscribers only.  
     

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