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KarenPayne

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Blog Entries posted by KarenPayne

  1. KarenPayne
    I am going to be short here and write more later.

    Arrived at hospital for check-in at 6AM then taken back to undress and have a few test and various people coming in to explain things to me. Marci arrived around 7:30AM and drew on my throat. About 8:15 was wheeled into the operating room and put under. As I suspected I remember nothing, awake at around 3:30PM. Taken to my room and left there for about 10 minutes which time a nurse came in indicating she was on shift for one hour and another nurse would take her place. The second nurse explained to me that all nurses attending to me are well versed in the taking care of people who have gone thru the same as me and it shows :-)

    Pain level range 0-10 where 10 is high, I am hovering between 1 and 2 and should note, I am inherently not good with pain but over many years learned how to control pain thus level 1 to 2 might be for others 4-6.

    Trachea shave from running my fingers over it feels like it is completely gone. Vagina, will see when my packing is removed down the road.
  2. KarenPayne
    As Christmas gets closer it looks like I will not be spending time with any friends but will visit a friend on Christmas Eve. Why mention this? Because I am sure, there are many out there that may very well be depressed and that need not be.

    My decision is too keep busy so my plans are to a) setup my new laptop, which is scheduled for delivery tomorrow morning (I will turn it on tomorrow to make sure it functions) via two-day business delivery, have been tracking it, and is on time. b. Comcast is setting up XFINITY Entertainment package tomorrow, which will take time to setup c) play my favorite music that is uplifting while writing a technical article for Microsoft d) prepare a great meal for dinner e) chat with friends via phone to have interaction with others. Bottom line, I will be a happy girl.

    Side note, I upgraded my Comcast as my current DVR has limited space in that while in California it will get filled up before I get back so the new DVR has more space along with it can record 4 shows at once rather than the current one, 2 shows at once. It is costing me less than my current plan which is really a bonus.

    Happy Holidays to everyone :D
  3. KarenPayne
    Be forewarned what follows is sexually explicit and there is no need to warn me about what I did as I am an adult and know the risk.
    The intent here is for others to learn from my mistakes, nothing more nothing less. I take no pride in what follows and hope others will learn from this.

    So Friday I was feeling frisky but not enough to act out on these feelings as I was comfy at home. So I used my toy and pleasured myself early evening and throughout the night the sensations lingered, went to bed and was a pleasant sleep. Woke up Saturday morning and read something that got me a little excited so I decided to use my toy while dilating. Next thing I know it’s an hour later, did not want to stop but did. I am now thinking I need to find a man as I am about to go crazy needing something more than my toy. I have several men whom I have sexual encounters with, none were available yesterday morning, not until later in the evening. Well I needed it now and then.
    So I have been in the past to an adult club where I have hooked up with one man several times and was hoping he would be there. Did not get dressed up sexy, never do, they see me coming and the penises stand in salute.
    So I sit down in a room playing porn. The man I was seeking was not there. Figured since I just paid ten bucks to get in I would sit back and play with myself and maybe the man might come in later. 
    It took all but two minutes and I was surrounded by a group of men with their penises out. One was very polite and asked if he could touch me. I nodded and he proceeded to caress me which felt good. After a while he wanted to get inside of me and I acknowledge his intent and he put on a condom. He tried several times to enter me but failed then turned to another man stoking away and said (I think) “do you want this”, he nodded yes and I nodded yes. He put on a condom and tried to enter me but could not. Then as I see it this is funny, he gets between my legs and strokes his penis against my belly and after about 30 seconds let’s out a moan, turns and the first man asked if he had orgasm and nodded yes. All this time a man next to me was attempting to shove his penis into my mouth and I must have refused a dozen times. Along comes a younger man, built extremely well, he does everything right before entering me and has zero issues and lasted at least ten minutes.
    When leaving the place I was not in a very good mood even though I finally got what I was after it was not enjoyable in that I had to go through two pigs to get what I wanted and decided no matter how aroused I get will never, ever go back to such a place.
    Guess what, my urge is back today and I am keeping my legs closed. What I now wonder is how cisgender woman deal with this when they get aroused and a play toy is not enough. I doubt they run off to an adult arcade to get satisfaction.
     


  4. KarenPayne
    I was concerned about my name change getting done on time as it has been 24 days since I started part two of the process and was suppose to be done in seven to ten days. Looked in the mail, nothing so I decided to head on down to the courthouse and see what was going on expecting to get a reply I was not looking for. Well I was surprised to learn it was slated to go out in the mail today. The two people work the desk pretty much got it done today and walked out as Karen Payne. Tomorrow my plan is to visit DMV to get a new drivers license so that I can now book my airfare for my trip in two weeks for GRS.

    Also had a meeting with my immediate team at work about my plans for GRS, all went extremely well. Tomorrow I come out to the section I work in then take the afternoon off for DMV.
  5. KarenPayne

    I am truly honored

    By KarenPayne,

    I was just reading Emmasweet’s latest blog post and realized how fortunate I am to have found this safe haven unlike no other on the web. Not to leave anyone out but Monica, Emma, UsernameOptional and Lori are wonderful people and if you have not looked at other sites this one is the best. Way too many focus on one or two high level topics of interest unlike this one.

    Well this entry was not meant to win any awards, just wanted to put this out there

  6. KarenPayne
    I get in the shower, wash my hair which is done every week and sometimes two weeks. Stare at myself in the mirror and think, I am bored with my hair color and need to change it to simply blonde rather than blonde with a tad of brownette.
    So I waited until my fav salon opened, two hours later and went in, chatted with my stylist and she told me what she would do for me. Well three hours later we finished up and I am very happy with the results (need to take a picture still).
    Two hours is when I need to get out of the chair, went outside and by accident my thumb touched my still wet hair and did not noticed for about 30 minutes, eek, damage done, my gorgeous nail was now smeared with hair coloring so once finished I went to the nail salon, for them it was less than five minutes. She uses a Dremel to remove the color, puts on a new top coat then one minute for the clear coat to dry. They never charge me so that was nice.
    Any ways those dang hormones are too blame for me spending $150 to get my hair done where if I simply had a touch up done the cost would be about 40-50 dollars. Girls, I would not have it any other way, just that over the past six months (and my hair stylist thinks the same) I am doing crazy things that pregnant woman do. Now I will really be upset if I get cravings for  pickles and icecream  
    EDIT
    Well I swear, started out the day in a black skirt, black tights, black top and flats for getting my hair done. Came home to wash the car and changed into tennis shoes, shorts and the same top. Now my brain says,  off with the shorts and bring on the capri's and red flats. I am such a girl.
  7. KarenPayne

    I can relate

    By KarenPayne,

    One of my friends on Facebook posted this quote

    “The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”
    - Ayn Rand

    I think many feel that they must wait for permission or wish it will happen but the down right truth is you make it happen. Heck I will admit to falling into this mindset in regards to transitioning but for years was the one "who is going to stop me" when it came to teaching specialty classes in self-defense. So it is possible to be of both mindsets and I am sure there are others of similar mindset.

    Time to take action, don't consider failure as an option but move head first believing what you are after will happen by your hands and mind.


  8. KarenPayne

    I forgot

    By KarenPayne,

    One of my Facebook friends is my daughter's best friend who posted that she closed the front door and the security latch got wedged into the door preventing it from opening and asked for help. Since I knew she lived closed by I replied with "I will help if you still need assistance". She gave me her address, five minutes from my home. Went over, I knocked on the front door and she came around from the back door. When she greeted me (she had not seen me in five years) no reactions or comments on my new look as female. Looked at the front door, figured out I needed to pry the door and by thinking ahead of time brought a pry-bar with me. Took two minutes to free the door then a minute to hammer a metal strip back into place. Turned to her and said "done", she thanked me and I left.

    When I returned home she had sent me a private message

    You look great by the way! I suppose I figured out what your trip to California was about and wow! Congrats on looking awesome!!

    I guess she then scrolled through my Facebook notes and on one wrote

    You are so beautiful. Really. Just so you know.

    More validation for me. Perhaps this might nudge others down their chosen path of transitioning.
  9. KarenPayne
    I was watching a television show called "American Odyssey" where men in the show (in North Africa) are walking around in robes. I stopped and thought, wow, I have completely forgotten what it's like to have male parts swaying around between my legs and it has been just over four months since those parts went away. Now I can't fathom this at all, what was it like, nope, no memories. I think part of it was that after 2013 I was tucked 98 percent of the time as I could not bear to things moving around between my legs. I honestly thought about the above for a good 30 minutes and zilch.
    Thinking of my new breast, I am guessing in time the same will happen, can't remember what it was like to be flat chested.  
    In the end not remembering things from the past is yet more closure  
  10. KarenPayne

    i remember

    By KarenPayne,

    I remember not so long ago taking spironolactone and estradiol where the prescription lasted six month then had to renew the prescriptions. Now after GRS I have a prescription for two years without a need to renew them.
    With medications mentioned it all changes, no more spironolactone and an ample supply of estradiol. I always try to keep extra on hand in the event of a emergency where pharmacies can not supply me with the medication I require for normal life.
    Something to think about, in that no matter what the meds are try and at least keep a weeks supply on backup, just in case.
  11. KarenPayne
    Two nights ago myself, two Microsoft managers and three Microsoft engineers formed a panel on inclusion and diversity in the workplace. The settings, a room filled to capacity (guessing 400), two wine bars, cheese and crackers. We sat on stage, each with our own microphones. Yes the entire event was video taped by a professional team.
    After a ten minute introduction by the sponsor (a Microsoft program manager) a question was asked, each one of us responded then moved on to the next question. At the end the audience was given the chance to ask the panel questions but nobody took advantage of this but at least for me five people came up either to ask questions or to say how proud they were of me for doing this. One even asked for my email as they are dealing with a transgender child.
    The event was scheduled for a mere 30 minutes. I said up front this needs not to be constrained by time and they agreed which is good because the event lasted over one hour.   
    When being driven back to my hotel I noticed a high number of notifications on my Twitter account, wow, lots of followers from the event, way cool.
    Next day I had several people come up to me at other events and said they enjoy hearing me speak.
    Oh, I was torn between indicating I was formerly male for the first question/give a short intro of yourself but ended up indicating by past. Got some blank stares like "really". What blow my mind was after talking about why we need transgender people in tech and why they are not (thinking fully transitioned vs in the closet) all I could focus on was the majority of people were applauding me which is a huge step not so much for me but for the transgender community at large.
    Never thought I would be an advocate at this level but now so happy that I can be part of making people aware that the majority of transgender people are assets if given the chance rather than being part of low-income part of society. I did point out that like cisgender people there are indeed un-balanced people in the transgender community so we area in one sense of the word all cut out the same with a chemical imbalance (or is it balanced).
    With that I would like to see others educate cisgender people showing them in a positive manner we are here, normal people that truly want to contribute to society, be loved, have friends and family and live together.
     
  12. KarenPayne

    Indelible

    By KarenPayne,

    Two years ago, I decided that I was going to transform so one of my first real steps was with tattoos. Any tattoo I had done was well thought out and no thought of any being even remotely male centric. The image below shows several on my shoulder and several on my neck. Besides those, I have several below the waist in front and (horrors) a tramp-stamp on my backside although I deplore it being called a tramp-stamp. These tattoos not only provide strength and comfort but also mark a time of never going back to being a male. As a side note I had my eyebrows and eyelids done by a specialist with this type of work and brows were shaped no different than a female with my facial structure. After SRS I am getting my final tattoo, the design is still a work in progress but know it will be one a marker for remembering who I really am.

    I know there are many who consider marking one’s body with ink is bad but for me it means so much more than some ink making an indelible mark on me.




  13. KarenPayne
    Recently, in the past two weeks I have noticed my brain is working differently than in the past. I labeled this entry intangibles because as per the definition it is hard to touch on.
    It all began last week, there was something that felt different in my thoughts. Sometimes I was razor sharp with the task at hand but other times I was off in my own little world. The only thing that makes sense is that this is a cumulative effect of being o hormones. I am truly thinking more like a cisgender females more and more each day and will be interesting to see how far this goes.
    Think this is one of my shortest entries but an important one too.
  14. KarenPayne
    There is a person in my company who always talked to me prior to GRS then stopped afterwards. Finally she stopped me outside and said I have a question, "where do you get those cure outfits" So after replying we had a long discussion about my surgery and she said "you are very courageous" in how you came back to work and that you seem like you had always been female which I simply smiled.

    Having success with most co-workers did kind of bother me that she had not talked to me but now we are. So that leave just one co-worker who has not spoken to me since surgery.
  15. KarenPayne

    Interview at Microsoft

    By KarenPayne,

    Several weeks ago I attended a week long summit at Microsoft for MVP recipients of just under 3,000 people and out of the 3,000 less than five percent were female. The woman on the far right is a Microsoft employee that has a section on what is called Channel 9 (part of Microsoft) that is devoted to to females as developers and innovators in the field. We met in passing at the beginning of the week then the next day she asked me to participate in a interview. She actually got the majority of females to participate so she segmented us into groups of three so she could get all of us on camera.
    There was around 20 minutes cut from the video which did not fit into the topics that were all girl talk and some other topics which all I can say is "what happened in the room stayed in the room".
    Going in I did not indicate I was once male but at one point it made sense in that my old male mindset could contribute to the conversation. If you watch the video note there is no surprise and that the women doing the video said she would had never guessed it. Afterwards the two woman on my right said they had no clue until I said my former life was of a male.
    The woman with the short hair is a lesbian which I learned from her becoming a Twitter friend and also from chatting with her on a Microsoft bus headed back to a building where the main events were being held.
    After watching the video I was not happy with my posture and voice (voice was okay but needs more work) but then again we are our worst critics. On a side note as planned two years ago I have made an appointment with a voice therapist in January to work on my voice. I chatted with the therapist several weeks ago, we discussed her plans with me, she has worked with trans people before. An hour time is $70-90, a sliding scale. I indicated to her that my goal was to not strive for the best but to strive for acceptable for what I am capable of without pushing the limits.
    On a comical note, the little rubber figures on the table may seem odd but they are given out to people who had been interviewed and well sought after so I cherish mine.
  16. KarenPayne

    Irritated

    By KarenPayne,

    About three months ago, I contacted an acquaintance who practiced law but had to quit because of serious health problems. She indicated that I wanted to start my name change to contact her. Four weeks ago, we met for coffee and discussed the process, she asked for $100 to start working on it. Now I know some will say this is a lot but “wait for it”. The following weekend she asked me to fill out seven pages for the process. Got it done then gave it back to her. At this time, she asks for another $300, which covers the $111 fee and her time. What she plans on doing is handling the process start to finish. She said, last Thursday she needed to met with me again. I have not heard a peep from her. Last night I pined over how much time it would take if she contacts me this week and could not sleep thinking about after submitting three documents and posting one in the court room I needed yet another two weeks to complete the process. I decided today screw it and begin the process myself as the money is not that important but still peeved she did this. Took about 30 minutes to fill out forms, pay the fee and post a document on a corkboard. My date to start the next process is 12/14/2014. Then another two weeks followed by Social security then drivers license. This is what I need to get done before I head off to California.

    In retrospect I should had done this myself but thought that giving her my business we both get something out of this.

    Personally I am the type of person who gets to appointments early, when a friend needs help I give it and know full well that others are not always the same. Any ways I needed to write this out as it truly has been bugging me and helps a little to write this out. Good news is I am back on track rolling along like a unstoppable freight train.

    End of rant.
  17. KarenPayne
    This is a game changer for life so the answer to pursue hormone replacement treatment should not be sought after until you have taken the time to place yourself into isolation many times and come out with "this is right for me"
    The following may not be suited for everyone and even so might possible change your opinion of me but I am coming from a very different place here
    So while teaching a group of people mixes included everyday people and military I posed the question; in front of you is a child with their hand reaching for the trigger of a IED, do you pause or take the shoot? I then stand there and say nothing which (try it sometime, ask a question where you know that nobody wants to answer and then just stand there, they are forced to respond) Bottom line, in this situation hesitation means you are dead.
    Like the question above indecision with hormones can very well destroy your life either mentally or physically or both. If you jump the gun without placing yourself into isolation and be truthful with yourself, back to mental/physical damage.
    What is isolation?
    Example, you walk deep into a forest, sit down and completely clear your mind of everything then focus on solely on you and hormones. If after this you decide to move forward go home, walk up to a mirror and clear your mind, look at yourself in the mirror and be truthful, ask yourself "Is HRT right for me", there should be zero hesitation. If you said yes this is right for me continue with life but mark your calendar to do the mirror thing again at least 10 times and if there is zero hesitation seek medical assistance to get treatment.
    My path
    My path did not involve the forest and not everyone can use a forest, you might drive to a secluded place and do the same thing. I would find my place that worked and would ask myself the question which was over at least one year's time. I then made an appointment with a doctor for getting on HRT. We sat down together and discussed how I came to my decision which included telling her I had seen a therapist who approved me for HRT (in later years he included me in a book he wrote that devoted a chapter on me). I told the doctor I had the letter with me if she would like to see it. She placed her hand on my knee and said "dear, I see it in your eyes that you are indeed a candidate for HRT and all I need is blood work from you". She said an assistant would be in to take my blood and make a copy of the letter (she never read it). Two days later I was called asking where should they send the prescription to?
    A point from the above, during the doctor consultation I believe she saw in my face and eyes from my explanations that there was zero doubt in me to move forward with HRT. I have been using her now for two years and learned that she is not so easy with others. I know of two others who were down right denied HRT until they could produced therapist letters. 
    Conclusion
    As mentioned above, you must have zero doubt in your mind before making an appointment with a doctor to move forward with HRT. Don't listen to stories that say you an stop before six months and revert back to pre-hormone treatment as this is a strong indicator that those people were not ready and may never be ready for hormone replacement treatment.
    BE TRUE TO YOURSELF, ZERO HESITATION 
  18. KarenPayne
    I was responding to a post titled Courage of Being Transgender in Public and decided not to respond there as my response seemed better off as a blog entry, more visibility.

    I have no issues passing and if I was not passable I would still had gone through my journey. Sure it's nice to pass and not be mis-gendered but focus should be on what makes you feel proper. 
    For some Vaginoplasty is the only option, others might go with Orchiectomy and in rare cases Penectomy. Vaginoplasty needs two therapist approval and RLT (real life test) so going this route one commits to a gender change while the latter don't and one could very well live their lives in between two genders. Then still on the last two, one might want to fully transition but for health reasons is not an option.
    These options are good to know going down this path especially if age and health might prohibit one of the options.
    One must be absolutely positive before any of these options are performed as they of course are irreversible. I was asked to sign a waiver indicating I understood that at me pre-surgery appointment and it took longer to open the pen then to write my signature yet I have heard of some who did the RLT and obtained letters from therapist for GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) that have hesitated.
    There are options for those who look at surgery as they only way to be happy and get surgery regardless of them having the ability to pass. For those who may not pass they need to consider will I be able to still support myself, how many family members and friends will be lost or if I rent will I be kicked out, yes any and all may happen.
    If you read enough of my blog and post here I tend to paint a picture that is sometimes may sound like doom and gloom that hopefully gets those considering surgery to take real deep thoughts to the outcome of GRS and all that is entailed before and after surgery. Surgery is but a small part of the process yet so huge in the overall scheme of life that one must comprehend the end game and how about if one elects not to have surgery and that leads to a down fall of the person? It's a slippery slop.   
    Bottom line is take the time and make the right decision where you end up in a happy place, leave this world not by frustration of being in the wrong body but leave this world after you have fully embraced a happy you.
    Personally I am on a mission to destroy all federal and local records of me once being a man which at this moment in time is changing my birth certification.
  19. KarenPayne

    Its been a while

    By KarenPayne,


    Time
    Have not been here for a while. Been working almost everyday assisting people with COVID relief as I work for Oregon Employment department. This week is the first time I've turned on my personal laptop since last March,
    What prompted coming back here is just a simple update and thoughts on my progress.
    I think in the past year or so my transition is only thought about when I hear or see something on television. Otherwise I never think about my transition.
    Been really bad about dilating, about once a month or so but have not lost any depth.
    Any ways think I will check in more often and go deeper into what it's like after transitioning after six years.
    Hope everyone is good and staying healthy.
  20. KarenPayne

    Journey part II

    By KarenPayne,

    I wrote about my consultation for breast augmentation recently and now just wanted to say like with my GRS I will by blogging about this part of my journey.

    So far I have a pre-surgery appointment on May, 8th were they go over what will happen on the day of surgery, May 21st.

    My friend is being driven down from her home, thirty minutes from me to stay overnight, next day come with me to the hospital, we are taking a taxi. She will then come home with me after roughly a four hour surgery and stay with me for at least three days. I did tell her (from past experiences) that I am easy to be with and she does know about me after surgery come to think about it as she was there for me after GRS.

    From what I have been told I will need to be at home for four days then for two weeks wear a special bra for support.

    More to follow...
  21. KarenPayne

    Just had a thought

    By KarenPayne,

    I was reading another blog post that lead to another off-site post and just had this epiphany that be it wrong or right to think this way but I don't consider myself transgender for a long time now but never actually came to terms in writing before. I go through my daily life as any other female would. Heck today I spent an unGodly amount of money on makeup today, 64 dollars. When I got to the counter I must of had  a face that begged to ask me "is your day going okay?: I said up to now, jeez, never realized how much makeup cost and I only purchased it for an event tomorrow and will never use it again NO wait I will because it cost so much. Last time I wore makeup was over 15 years ago. So I went home and spent an hour with the makeup. Then I remember at my best friend's house yesterday she said her daughter spends hours on doing her face, I said, not me, never. Baaaahhhh look at me today, eyeshadow, foundation, top and powder and lipstick. Came out well but then I learned it takes a good deal of time taking it off but that didn't bother me because "I am a girl" and the process was well worth the effort experimenting as I did my eye's twice.I remember back 15 years ago I would impatient doing my makeup but now I am content taking time to get it right but 64 dollars yeek. 20 dollars was spent on one brush alone but worth it (I guess).
    Anyways as I look back to before GRS and now lots of little things have changed and now taking notice of them. Girls my guess is that some of you will travel down the same path, one day stuck in the wrong body and flash you are sitting in a chair legs in the proper place, hands cupped then someone says something that invokes an emotion and one hand goes to your chest then you mutter a gasp followed by your hand covering your mouth delicately. It might dawn on you later that oh my god I am where I should had been all my life.  
  22. KarenPayne

    K-Y Jelly

    By KarenPayne,

    I was never told how much K-Y Jelly was needed for after surgery but went out looking at 4oz bottles and noticed they were all over $5 each. Last night while at the grocery store shopping for food decided to see what K-Y Jelly cost there, just over $5 but one shelve down was a store brand which I trust for other medication was $2.10 per bottle. Yep, I grabbed all six bottles, which I get an email back from Marci’s office indicating 6 was plenty. I will be going back to the store today to see if they have restocked and purchase what they have if the price is the same. Why do this? Because after returning home I must dilate three times a day and plan on having enough for at least two weeks.
  23. KarenPayne

    Karen 1.1

    By KarenPayne,

    It's been ten months since gender reassignment surgery and during that time had breast augmentation to complete things, so I thought. Although not physical I now know my sports car has changed me a great deal mentally.
    What follows next can only be seen and heard so stay tuned for a audio/video for the next evolution of Karen 
  24. KarenPayne
    My version of tucking requires two items, patience’s, some pain (maybe) and persistence in the beginning.

    Item one is called a gaff from “The Breast form store” in the smallest size possible. My waist, 32 inch which falls in to the medium size so I went to a small size gaff. Item two, Spanx compression boy shorts (same sizing idea as the gaff) where there are two types, non-compression and compression version.

    Procedure, pull up the gaff to just above the knees, pull up the boy shorts over the gaff. The next part at first should be done sitting down but after a few trail runs you (like me) should be able to do the following standing up.

    While sitting down with the gaff and boy shorts in position with one hand do a Vulcan greeting (you know from Star Trek, Mr. Spock “Live long and prosper”). In this position, the penis goes between the ring and middle fingers. Now pull the testacies into your body and here there is a region where the testacies will slip into the inguinal canal which at first may be difficult to place the testacies into and to be honest depending on the sensitivity of the penis it may become erect. If it becomes erect stop everything and relax until the erection subsides.

    Once the testacies are in place, with the other hand tuck the penis between the legs and move both legs together. Quickly pull up the garments into place, as tight as possible and know with pushing things into a tight area may hurt so don’t move right away if this happens. The boy shorts will extend up to your naval, I suggest folding them down so they are almost like a bikini bottom.

    From here spend time as per above around the house. It’s been over twenty years since I started this but vaguely remembering after about a week there was zero pain involved.      

    Additional things to work into the above, a panty liner inside the gaff when it’s very hot weather which helps to keep things dry.

    When done as laid out above you should be able to wear skin tight jeans and leggings without any sign of a penis or testacies.

    The Spanx boy shorts last time I purchased them were 44 dollars, not cheap. Two gaffs go for twenty dollars. That is a real investment and when I say investment the two items will last over 12 months when washed and cared for. This means if you tuck every day you will need at least one extra of both.

    I have two Spanx boy shorts in size small, still in the original packaging, never opened. Well now I have a vagina they are sitting in my closet hanging there. So what is a girl to do with the two pair, one black, and one tan? Any suggestions?
    When done right expect this
     



  25. KarenPayne
    I have written multiple times about dilation in regards to lots of lube and yes, pain. Recently, five months after reassignment surgery I am down to a drop of lube the size of a quarter and finding intimate encounters are much better than dilation. When one has intercourse for at least 15 minutes this counts to one session of dilation. I am 90 percent into females and the remainder into couples. I became friends with a couple that had nothing to do with sex but after time did and do enjoy a threesome.
    The upside to using less lube is
    Takes less time to dilate Much less time to clean up Feels good to push a dilator inside seamlessly. For me, I have an excess of lube. So for those taking this journey I want you to know it does get better even though the first month or so you will want to quit which does you no good as things will close up and be left with no opening.
    Another thing I have noticed is there is more moisture and natural lubrication especially when aroused. I am still waiting for the ability to have a complete orgasm where at this point it's fairly intense and last a long time but feel it's not fully there yet and have heard from others it take between eight and twelve months.
     
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