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WarrenG

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Blog Entries posted by WarrenG

  1. WarrenG

    Another day...

    By WarrenG,

    So....been another hurtful, stressful, discouraging day. Yesterday's bulls*** has dragged on my mind all night, limiting my sleep, and bringing me down today.
    She purposefully calls me her "daughter kristy" just to piss me off....I dont get it...
    14 hours ago
    Me:Please dont call me your daughter kristy because I am neither of those things. I dont appreciate the post you put up. It's really disrespectful.
    I sent her that^^^^^message and she has since blocked me...
    So, yeah. I'm a little down. But here's my youtube vid for this week....I ranted a little
     
    (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6rUxRUs8t4)
     
    Warren
  2. WarrenG

    Taking a step back Sucks

    By WarrenG,

    Today I did the unthinkable. I did something I desperatly have been avoiding for sooooo long.
    I put on a bra.
    My "binders" smelled like old deodorant, were gross with sweat from work, and I had no time to hand wash and dry them by the time I needed to go to work. So I had to resort to digging through my clothes and finding that dreaded contraption. Instantly I hated it. The straps felt like they were digging into my shoulders, the very hug of it felt forgien and misguided. The whole way to work, I wished I could turn that car around and go home and put my smelly gear back on.
    I avoided stopping at the store for this reason, so no calming Arizona Tea. Which meant stress.
    For some reason, when I'm at work and after my boyfriend leaves his shift..having a tea helps my nerves. It's not helping the diet, but I feel that if it is my only 'out' to the b.s. of work, so be it.
    But today I didnt have one.
    I kept knocking things over with my dreaded "tumors", getting my chef's coat all filthy (which was a HUGE 'no no' in the kitchen I learned at. My old Head Chef Woodward's very french tainted speech about clean jackets and spotless sleeves pestered me all night). It was extremely frustrating.

    On any normal nights, when wearing my gear, I feel fine. Yes, I have to go into the bathroom now and again and retuck it back down my work pants because it rides up, or readjust "them" because one is off set from the other and it looks funny; but I like it! I feel comfortable, finally!
    Not today.
    I just wanted to cross my arms over my chest, stick out my tongue and tell everyone to **** off.
    Thankfully my nightly meds were increased a bit so my anxiety didnt kick my royally unforgiving butt, but nevertheless it was irritating.
    When I dont have my gear on, it simply feels like theyre the center of attention. Even if no one is looking at them! It feels like they are.
    The only things I kept in mind to keep me busy all day were two things. 1)Justin (my bf) bought me a tea and it was waiting for me at home and 2) I had a set of custom fangs from Scarecrow Vampfangs waiting to be customized all for me. Life. Complete.

    I noticed something though. When I'm not wearing what I want, I'm severely uncomfortable. When I'm uncomfortable, I eat. When I eat from being uncomfortable, I eat BAD things. I normally avoid desserts at work, at all costs. Diet, darn it! Diet!.......I had a mint brownie with a scoop of vanila ice cream. Granted it was a small scoop and the brownie was the smallest one on the tray, but Still!! I should have said no! I shouldnt have fallen that far!
    I'm still kicking myself in the butt for it, and that was way back at lunch time. It's 11:15pm right now.
    We bought candy bars for at home but...I feel too guilty to eat one. I'm barely making it through the fruit juices I bought because theyre super sugary.
    I was so guilt ridden that I actually vollunteered to work an extra day this week.
    Yikes, what was I thinking?! Too late to back out now, they need me to come in.

    Well, tomorrow I'm off to Gamestop to get a new (newish. refurbished, 4th Gen) ipod because I've dropped my old one so many times that the glass is all falling off, and I keep cutting myself on it.
    Sort of excited about that, as long as I'm actually able to pick one up. Maybe then I can start that photography a little, eh? Eh? lol
    I'll maybe post a few if I start doing it. God knows with all the fall leaves in my area, I could leave for work a few minutes earlier so I can stop and take a few snapshots. That'd be nice. Plenty of nice views around here.
    Well, I think that's it for now. I think. If I think of anything else, it'll be in the next blog XD
    Tootles for now,
    -Warren
  3. WarrenG

    Milestones

    By WarrenG,

    Milestones are fun lol 
    So yesterday was a rare awesome day. First started off with me waking up to the LEGAL NATIONWIDE GAY MARRIAGE!!!!
    Omagerd I was so happy!!! Originally I was like "it doesnt include me, but I'm excited anyway!" until I realized it DOES include me. If/When I change my Gender to male, if I ever want to marry a man, that includes me!!  After that I got a call about my broken down jeep, so I went to investigate. After a week of searching for solutions, they realized its two cheap parts and they can do it in an hour. So, it's there waiting for me and I'm so happy I didnt have a blown transmission!! I got more ingredients for my smoothie-kicks lol (NO KALE!!! ew.....) and was pretty happy about that. Got home to three letters. Two from the state insurance (I think I got accepted, but dont understand the papers. I left a message for my agent at the hospital who will help me figure it out lol) which would include gender therapy in the future  I also FINALLY got copies of my file from my ex-therapist Joan, with a paper I'd requested acknowledging her awareness and working through with me about the transgender issues for a while. The woman sucks at writing them, obviously having never done them before. It literally says 
    "I worked with Kristy/Warren since _______ regarding her transgender issues. We no long are in therapy sessions due to her financial difficulties."
    Wow, that kinda blows lol but thanks?
    SO all in all it werent a bad day  Today.....today I hit another milestone of being a man
    SHAVING.
    I've always had to shave my mustache, ever since I were about 14. My upper lip, and pluck some black hair from under or around my chin. It's always been there, and I've always had to manage it. (Further proof I'm not supposed to be a woman? 0.o) but today...Today I looked in the mirror and noticed my face had new friends. Last night I had to trim my sideburns and around my ears since I'm growing my hair out a little bit. But all along my jawline and underneath I have blonde hairs. Peachfuzz I guess. But theyre long o.o Like....REALLY long. I pulled one off my shoulder that was almost two inches long!!! So....I shaved. So exciting and so small but damn if it didnt feel right!
    Aftershave smells so good, I'll admit. It's just a tiny thing and to some people it might seem silly, but to me....It's like someone handed me a free softserve icecream cone.
    So, yeah. That's my day so far  Well, yesterday lol. OH and my sister DID call to invite me to my niece's fake-birthday party. Ironically she planned it for a day that I have a docs appointment so I had a legit excuse. Foiled her dastardly plans!!!
     
    BACK TO MY BUFFALO CALZONE!!
    Warren
  4. WarrenG
    After several days of torment, several attempts not to harm myself, and several agonizing hours of enduring the silent remarks of those around me.....I finally had a tollerable night.
    Nothing too chaotic happened, really.
    My binders actually behaved today. I got up on time, did my exercise, and got to work on time.
    One of my co-workers actually has caught herself and is trying hard to make it a habit not to call me by any nickname feminine. She's really trying, though she messes up now and then, I forgive her.
    I just have to be patient with her, I know its not easy for her to cap that habit.

    Though I broke my new ipod yesterday, I thankfully still had my hands on my old ipod. Though the screen is cracked and its not in the best of shape, it still works, and I were still able to have my music and such with me all day.
    I took my meds on time, which is a rare triumph for me. I'm not on any form of medication for my transition, yet. But if/when I start them, I would like to have my other medications under control, so I NEED to get into the habit of doing things ON TIME. It's taking some time to actually get in the habit of it.
    I expressed to one of my online/texting friends (who is an MTF) that my shoulders/back were sooooooo sore from working out and lifting things at work, so she gave me some advice, and good golly do I owe her!
    She calls it "Shower Yoga"
    It's not as bad as it sounds XD I promise!

    Shower Yoga:
    You do your normal showering routine, such as scrubbing and washing your hair and whatnot. I do my normal "Stand here and let the world wash off me" in the hot water for a while. It helps relax my troubled mind, just to stand under the water and let myself relax and breathe. It's helped A LOT in my self harm recovery, and I highly recommend it.
    After cleaning up and doing your thing, you start your yoga
    First stretch you do is grab your knee and lift it as high as you can, pulling it against your chest. Do this with each knee. You can totally feel it stretch out the muscles on the front of your thighs!
    After that, you bend yourself completely in half and grab your ankles, relax your back and just pull, and let your shoulders and spine stretch out.
    Then grab your ankle and pull it upward like you're sitting indian style, one leg at a time, as high as you can and hold it there for a minute at waist level (if you can)
    After you do both legs, set yourself down on your knees in the shower and lay forward over them, stretching your arms out over your head and towards the faucet. Stay there a moment before arching your back backwards and reaching behind yourself with both arms, stretching your shoulders.

    Next one is to stay seated in the tub/shower, but turn your waist-and-up around and twist to set your hands on the shower area behind you. This will let your spine twist gently and pop it if needed.
    Then you stand up, arching each arm over your head and tipping like a teapot, each arm done.
    Then my favorite:
    Arch your arms up like you're showing off your muscles, but bend both arms (while still in the L position) backwards like you're squishing your shoulder blades together. Hold for a moment, then fold them in front of your chest and bend from the waist up downwards and let the hot water go over your back and waist. Relax, shake it off, and repeat at random if you'd like.
    Throw in some random stretches you're familiar with or feel the need to try!

    My back popped, shoulders, neck, arms, knees, hips, and ankles all popped and the muscles relaxed like crazy.
    You finish off by rinsing off in much cooler water (not ice cold) but do not start from your head. Start at your feet and work your way up, cooling off your body from the stretching and closing your pores.
    I feel soooooo much more relaxed and my muscles love me so much right now XD
    Try it out!
    Huge stress reliever!
    Warren
  5. WarrenG
    Yup. That's right ladies and gents and dogs and cats, its a second post in one day.
    The reasons: Because I can.
    Well, that and the post I did previously was actually for yesterday that I was too tired and lazy to do last night. THIS ONE is for TODAY.
    Now, as some of you might or might not know, Halloween is coming. Like...in two days.
    And if anyone knows me personally, they know that Halloween is practically my birthday.
    Not really, I was born in May. But it's THAT important to me
    I LOVE HALLOWEEN!! It's been my favorite holiday since the beginning of my miserably misguided life. Every year since I were twelve, I've been a vampire.
    Vampires are everything to me I love the lore, the stories, the guidelines...So much in fact, I had joined a vampiric coven when I were sixteen. Shortlived, sadly, as I had to move AGAIN. But it was still epic.
    The only year I deviated from being one of the undead was when I was Wednesday Adamms for my boyfriends grandmother, who hated vampire lore. But this year.....IM DEVIATING AGAIN!
    Vampire? Too mainstream this year. What else is equally as fabulous that has been left in the shadows since Twilight, True Blood, Vampire Diaries and The Originals?
    Lycans.
    Werewolves!
    So, I'm a werewolf this year.

    So excited!! I have to go grab some shinanigans to throw on my face and make myself look epic for friday, because its WOOT WOOT!! DRESS DOWN DAY AT WORK!
    Halloween night, all the chefs can wear WHATEVER THEY WANT (as long as it wont get in the food. Hairnets or hats still manditory, just ANY hat)
    I'm so excited ROFL
    I got my fangs as you can see in the pic
    ILL SHOW YOU HOW IT LOOKS ON FRIDAY!
    -Warren the Werewolf (has sort of a ring to it )
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