Eventually, I found I couldn't handle obsessing over these thoughts anymore. Finding this site and talking frankly about my gender for the first time helped a great deal. The thread I started is I think I'll try moving things over to this blog. Maybe I'll post more frequently.
I'm hopeful that things will start to improve. I haven't been feeling quite so miserable lately. Just knowing that my identity is starting to make sense has lifted my spirits a bit, even though I'm still living the same life as always. I find that I still see myself in my head as being male, but when I realize that, the thought doesn't feel right. I don't feel like I am a woman - I don't even know what that would feel like - but I know I want to be a woman. Maybe for now, that's enough to at least start to fill the hole in my identity.
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