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Chrissy

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  1. Chrissy

    updates...

    By Chrissy,

    Happy Monday good people!
    On Friday I went and had my tests done for HRT.  Assuming they all come through ok then I'm on my way, my next appointment with the endocrinologist is August 6 (though if they notify me before that that everything is ok I might try for an earlier appointment).  My sense of peace and contentment grows by the minute!  Currently it's just the possibility that something will come back negative on the tests that causes me any anxiety.
    Electrolyis is going wonderfully!  I've had 6 or 7 sessions now, and the change is already very noticeable.  When I shave in the morning there is so much less to shave!  I think we're 4 or 5 sessions from doing the initial clearing.  I had done some at-home laser before starting, so that might be making it go a little quicker.
    My electrologist also gave me a good pointer on working with my voice this past week, so I spent some time over the weekend practicing at home (it takes a little effort to not feel weird talking to myself, so I start out talking to the cat, because that's perfectly normal!)
    On Saturday I put on my new wig and decided to leave it on the rest of the day to start getting used to it.  It was fine until I ate dinner.  I hadn't pinned it at all, so that's when it started to slip off.  I think put in a few bobby pins and that seems to secure it nicely.  I'm going to try working with wig tape as well.
    I had planned to "unveil" myself as a woman on July 27 (the Monday after I'm off of work for a week), but electrolysis is making me think twice.  I'm still at a point where I have to not shave a couple of days before each session, and I'm not sure how I feel about how I'd look wearing a wig with stubble.  I'll play with that next week when I'm off and see.  I do plan next week to wear the wig out as much as possible!
    xoxo
    Christie
  2. Chrissy
    Hi everyone,
    Happy Thursday!  Happy for me because starting tomorrow I'm on vacation for a week.  I'm sure I'll be checking in here during that time, but probably not doing any blogging.
    In an earlier post I mentioned how I was aiming for July 27 as the day that I would officially start presenting as a woman.  My last post altered that course a bit, so I'm going to see now what exactly I'm doing.  I'm certainly going to keep playing with make-up and other things, but the difference between today and July 27 might not physically be all that great, mentally on the other hand, I think it will be huge.
    My birthday is coming up next Thursday - my first birthday living authentically as me!
    xoxo
    Christie
  3. Chrissy
    Good morning everyone,
    I've now finished just over a week on HRT, and a full business week with my "Real Life Test."
    There's nothing really to report on the HRT front, which isn't surprising.  I did start a "chart" that I put on my bulletin board so that each week I can write down what, if any, changes I noticed.  This week the only possible change was reduced libido - though I can't say that with 100% certainty yet.
    The "real life test" is another story.  I broke through and wore my wig, along with breast inserts, to work and pretty much everywhere this week.  This morning I had an appointment with a surgeon (about my shoulder) and for a moment I considered not wearing it there, but then decided that this is either full-time or it's not, I can't pick and choose.  So I did it, and it went well.  I did have to use my old name for insurance reasons, but they picked up on my transition quickly and added "Christie" to their records (the doctor needs a second to catch up - when he took me to his assistant to schedule surgery he alternated between "Miss Cunningham" and "he" - but that's fine :-)
    The only time I can see being out and not wearing the wig is to the gym - that may come as well, but for now I won't just because I don't know how wearing a wig on a treadmill would go :-)
    One pleasant discovery was a different type of band for holding the wig on.  It's a band that goes around your hairline and fastens with velcro, and the wig holds on to that.  Far more comfortable than pins, and so far it seems quite secure.
    Otherwise to make sure I keep moving forward I just remind myself to "do what I do" - meaning, don't deviate from what I would have otherwise done in order to avoid anyone seeing me with the wig on.
    I also went by the LGBT Center this week and got signed-up for their Transgender Resources "system."  I have an intake scheduled in a few weeks so that I can hopefully join a closed support group (the drop-in one that happens the 1st Wednesday of each month has been a disappointment to me so far).  They're also looking into places where I can donate clothing :-)
    xoxo
    Christie
  4. Chrissy

    Weekend goals...

    By Chrissy,

    Happy Friday ladies and gentlemen and all points between and around!
    Well this was quite the week.  I knew that changing to my female name at work would be "big," but I didn't fully anticipate the anxiety, exhilaration, excitement, fear (and several other emotional states that I may never have experienced before) that would come with it.  It really was a very unusual week as people started referring to me as Christie, and using female pronouns.  The word spread faster than was planned (thanks to my 2 supervisors accidentally using Christie in emails that went to students), but that's ok, it just caused a few moments of confusion for me when I tried to figure out if I should just start using it with them too, or just not "sign" my emails (I went for that - the email that's going to be sent is from the Dean, I don't want to look like I was getting out in front of him, even though this is obviously about me).
    My goals this weekend (I like putting these in writing to someone, helps keep me from just not doing it):
    (1) Another period of "quiet contemplation" - my stepping-off point for this is going to be to list and then explore what I'm afraid of (certainly I've done that before, but it's a good question to go back to).  before and after that I'll also ask myself the question that Karen suggested - "Do I have any hesitation?"
    (2) On Sunday my favorite drag queen (who does the Tuesday night show that I go to, and have occasionally performed at) is doing a brunch show.  I'm using that as my opportunity to try going out presenting fully as a woman.  I want to see how close I can get to that from where I am now.  It's really I think just a more serious version of what I used to do when I was "cross-dressing."  I'll try to get some pics!  (desperately, I want to see myself in pics)
    I hope everyone has a great weekend!

    xoxo

    Christie
  5. Chrissy
    Good morning everyone,
    Before I get to the main point, I have an anecdote from last week (I share this with a couple of people already) - I was going to be hanging out with my friend Mindy on Friday night, so at lunchtime I went to get some wine (to go with the nachos we were planning).  When I was at the store I heard the clerk say to me (I wasn't facing him at that moment, but I was the only customer in the store), "If you need any help maam just ask."
    I woke up ridiculously early today suddenly filled with doubts.  It was bad enough that I wished I could just get up and go to the gym (unfortunately, or fortunately, the gym wasn't going to be open for another hour).
    This may have been triggered by a diary entry I did last night in which I decided I should actually look head-on at the things that I fear about transitioning.  It was a little comforting when i did it (putting things concretely on paper almost always makes them seem more manageable), but I clearly put the ideas in my head, and upon waking they were bad again.  So what do I fear?  Undoubtedly nothing that almost everyone else hasn't thought of, but here is my list:
    *What if I need to find a new job, how easy or hard will it be?
    *Will I be able to find a relationship?
    *Will my friendships really stay as strong as they are with the "new reality" (this one assumes full transition to female, anything short of that won't endanger any of my current friendships)
    *Will I face other forms of discrimination, and even violence?
    *Are there a bunch of things I'm not even thinking of?
    *Can I even afford it?
    *What if it wasn't the right choice?
    Now some counterpoints (the thoughts that kept me moving this morning):
    Job - my current job is pretty secure, and my employer is very good as far as non-discrimination, so hopefully finding a new job isn't a near-term issue
    Relationship - I haven't had a serious relationship in about 15 years, so not being able to find one as a woman wouldn't be any worse, and if I'm finally being true to myself it might be easier
    Friends - yes, my friendships will change, but they'll stay stronger (I can already see a couple of my friendships getting stronger!)
    Discrimination - no real counter to this, it's tragic, but it happens and I'd have to deal with it then
    Things I'm not thinking of - probably, but that's why I keep reading blog and forum entries here, and why I'm going to start going to a local support group
    Cost - I either can or I can't, but I have to do as much as I can
    Right choice - no matter how bad I felt having doubts this morning, I felt even worse when i thought about going back.  I still don't know how far I'll go, but there is work to do.
    Which brings me back to the "maam" anecdote at the beginning.  If I have doubts I just need to remember how good it felt to hear that 
     
    xoxo
    Christie
     
     
     
     
  6. Chrissy

    Work ID

    By Chrissy,

    So today I almost got kept out from going back to work from lunch!!!
    Ok not really.  But! We have ID cards to get into the building - mine hasn't been updated yet re my name and picture (for no apparent reason I was waiting until my legal name change went through, but HR confirmed I don't need to).
    When we scan into the building our pic comes up on a computer monitor at the security post near the entrance.  Usually this doesn't matter as I know all of the security people so I doubt they even look at the screen.  Today after lunch I entered through a side door where there was just one, new security guard.  AS I waited fot the nearby elevator I saw that he kept looking between the screen and me, looking confused
    I don't know what he would have done, a maintenance person I know happened along right then and stared chatting with me, confirming I work there. (Pretty sure I could have convinced him if I had to)
    Anyhow, tomorrow morning i'm going to get a new card with corrected name and picture
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