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Chrissy

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Blog Entries posted by Chrissy

  1. Chrissy

    Socializing Steps

    By Chrissy,

    Hi everyone,
    Since I took another step in socializing today, I thought I'd post something about that topic generally.
    Before coming out and transitioning, I had identified as a gay man. As such, my social life was largely built around the "gay community." I hadn't thought too much about that initially, since coming out and transitioning are pretty time-consuming for a while, and it was generally easier to do that while staying within a familiar social environment. But I knew it was going to have to change - although I admit to having some thoughts in the past about seeing it being Lesbian could work for me, I knew it wasn't right (I was leaning that way because (1) I have a little bi-sexual tendency, and (2) I thought it would be easier to meet a woman who would accept me as a woman in a romantic relationship than a straight man).
    Anyway - since I would like to date at some point, and even be in a relationship, I knew that I was going to have to break out of the LGBTQ "bubble" that I was in, and I have taken some steps. It helped that I did have a couple of straight female friends. And then of course I started school so I started meeting new people, many of them straight. Then, for after-school relaxation I started going to a little jazz bar in the Village.
    Today I took an even bigger step - at least in my head - I had joined a new tennis league (I had already belonged to an LGBT tennis group), and today I had my first match with someone from that group. I'm in a women's division, so initially that's who I'm going to meet, but that's a good starting place. It made me a little anxious since she had no way of knowing that I'm transgender going in, and not knowing how she might react. Well, she didn't. There was absolutely no awkwardness, it was great - and it was a really good tennis match (we had to play all 3 sets, and we were going point for point most of the way).
    There are still temptations to reach back and cling to the social world that I knew - but I have to give up some of that (not all of it, I'm not just ditching all of my friends!)
    xoxo
     
    Chrissy
  2. Chrissy

    HRT

    By Chrissy,

    Happy Friday everyone!
    Later this afternoon I have my appointment with an endocrinologist to discuss HRT.  It's very much a preliminary discussion, I just want to hear from a doctor what's involved (hopefully it won't be much different than what I've discovered through my own research and reading people's entries here, but hearing it from a doctor makes it more "real").  I was originally scheduled for tomorrow morning but they called yesterday to see if I could come in today instead, which is great since they're in Queens (trekking from Jersey City to Queens on Saturday morning would have been quite a drag).
    I assume the doctor will cover what needs to be covered, but my therapist did suggest thinking about what questions I have for them, rather than trying to think about that during the appointment.  So I've done that, but if anyone has suggestions about questions, suggest away .  The endocrinologist was a reference from my regular doctor, and I saw his name on a TG website, so I know he's familiar with MtF HRT.
    That should be a good lead-in to my "contemplation" (ongoing) this weekend.  What also helps is that I'm getting used to actually being called Christie  :-)    I underestimated how weird that would be, but it makes sense that after 48 years of being called one thing to suddenly be called something else would take some adjustment.  But it is getting more comfortable.  The last step in terms of the name transition at work will be early next week when an email goes to the entire faculty and staff letting them know - we're discussing today how that will happen.
    xoxo
    Christie
  3. Chrissy

    Bringing my life together

    By Chrissy,

    Last Friday I was having lunch with a friend from school - he and I were at the same field placement last year and got into the habit of going to Taco Bell for lunch every Wednesday, we've moved the day around but have continued the practice. I would say he's the best friend that I've made so far in school, we always have great conversations - if neither of us have anything else scheduled our lunches often turn into all afternoon things (we don't stay at Taco Bell the whole time, we walk around).
    Anyway - last week we were talking about the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual - a guidebook for mental health diagnoses) and Gender Dysphoria vs. Depression. We were in pretty complete agreement on the topic (see below), but I was still getting a bit energized by the topic. As I was talking at one point I noticed that he was smiling - when I finished my thought he said "I really like this side of you." The "side" he's talking about is basically the activist side (the thought I was on was something critical of the DSM). Later that evening I texted him to specifically thank him for that segment of our conversation - I like all of our conversations, but that one in particular helped me connect some dots that had been wandering around loose. Along with the general thank you and explanation I mentioned that it was an area that brought together my personal, professional, and activist life, which I really liked.
    It then occurred to me that that happens a lot now. For example, when I was at the Trans Health Conference a few weeks ago, that whole few days were about all of those parts of my life. But in school, at my internship, and in other places I feel like my personal, professional and activist lives are all coming together. This is compared to say 5 years ago when my professional life was a job I hated, my personal life was virtually non-existent, and my activist life was completely non-existent.
    The reason for bringing this up in a post is that all of this is a result of coming out and transitioning for me. We talk about being "authentic," which is what I think is one of the most important aspects of coming out (and transitioning if that's what you do), and this reflects on what being authentic has meant for me.
     
    Side note about Gender Dysphoria and the DSM - Gender Dysphoria (GD) is a step in the right direction for the DSM, away from Gender Identity Disorder (GID). With GID they were basically pathologizing being transgender (the diagnosis just called for the person experiencing a dissonance between the gender they were identified with at birth and their experienced gender - it didn't matter if that dissonance had any negative effect on them). GD requires the presence of the dissonance, but is only diagnosed if it causes some problem in the person's overall functioning. So that's a good step, but my criticism of it is that it seemingly disregards the impact of bigotry on the person. There are passing references to this, but it doesn't seem that important that much of the dysfunction that can result from being transgender is in response to how it is perceived, and often stigmatized by others. So it's virtually (but not quite) pathologizing a perfectly reasonable response to bigotry. The question I've asked people is, if transphobia dissappeared tomorrow, would GD still be a problem?  I think it would, but a much much more manageable problem - someone saying that they're transgender would be greeted with "ok, so what do you want to do?" That could still be a difficult question, but easier to deal with if you weren't also facing rejection from family, friends, and society as a whole.
     
    Ok, I'm done :-)

    xoxo
    Chrissy
  4. Chrissy

    Mountains and valleys

    By Chrissy,

    Hello all!

    I just looked back to see when I did my first blog posting, for some reason I thought it was just earlier this week but it was actually early last week. It simultaneously seems shorter and longer than that.

    Anyway, I'll get to the point of the subject line of this entry - "mountains and valleys." It's a reference to a line from a Debbie Gibson song that I love ("Over the Wall") - "mountains and valleys are better than nothing at all." It might not have been her original thought, but I really do love the song (it also contains the line "What do you think about when every day is over and done?" which I wrote on a note that I keep by my bed so that I see it at the start of each day).

    This week was a good example of mountains and valleys for me - the valley would be what I wrote about in "A Cloudy Day," and the mountain was obviously the incredibly sweet gesture by a random stranger that I wrote about yesterday. Collectively it drives home the point that this journey will have a lot of mountains, and a lot of valleys, and I'm sure they'll be far more extreme on both ends than anything that's happened so far.

    I really wanted to write today to thank everyone on this site who has written to me or commented to my blog entries! I'm so happy, and very lucky that I came across this website, it won't cover every need that will come up, but it's such an incredibly great resource to have, especially the connection to all of you!

    My other big, personal take-away from the past couple of weeks is about my place on the transsexual spectrum. When I first told people that I am transgender (and even before that when I told them about my cross-dressing), some would ask if I was transsexual (they actually asked if I was going to get "the surgery") and at that time I would tell them that I was 99% sure that I wouldn't. Since then my journey has taken me where I didn't necessarily expect I was going to to. As I take each new step and it feels right, and it feels good, I take another step. The bottom line for me (sorry, I know I already used "take-away") is that my answer to their question now will be "possibly," and "I'll need some time to ask questions and explore."

    I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! I'm going to try to go as tech-free as possible (I'm getting a little too addicted to my phone).

    XOXO

    Christie
  5. Chrissy

    I am Cait...

    By Chrissy,

    Hi everyone,
    So, I watched "I am Cait" last night, I think I honestly went in fairly objectively.  I was concerned about another Kardashian-like reality show, but encouraged by Caitlyn's comments at the Espy Awards.  Overall I was happy with the show.  It's only the first episode of course, but I very much appreciated her comments in support of those trans* people who are less fortunate than her, and in her reaching out to the family who lost their son to suicide.  Highlighting these issues, while telling her own transition story, could/should be very helpful to the trans* community in general - I hope (the only time I got nervous was when Kanye showed up - be he didn't do anything stupid fortunately).
    She had me tearing up early on with some of her opening comments, and then full-on crying at the end talking about the suicide problem (I feel it coming on again thinking about it).
    One thing I thought during the show was that I hope some of my family members watch this.
    xoxo 
    Christie
    (P.S., on the personal front - 10 days until my endocrinologist appointment and hopefully HRT prescription!  I got excited yesterday when I realized the appointment is next Thursday rather than next Friday as I had been thinking - 1 less day to wait than I thought!!!)
  6. Chrissy
    Episode 2 was on last night, and since I wrote last week after watching the first episode (which I was generally happy with) I thought I'd continue.
    This week was quite interesting because she got together with a number of transwoman (sad that there were no transmen), all of whom had far more obstacles in the way of their transition than Caitlyn did.  While I liked that fact, I was still disappointed in the overall lack of diversity in the group.  In addition to the fact that there were no transmen, all of these women, while they had difficulties (to say the least) in transitioning, all have now successfully transitioned, and all of them appear very female ("passing" if you will).  I don't think there was one of them who, if I saw them on the street, I would think was a transwoman.
    I thought about that compared to the group I went to at the Lesbian/Gay Center here in the New York, which had far greater diversity (disclaimer - that group is also all transwomen, but only because transmen and transwomen have their own separate meetings).  The main diversity in this group is the extent to which people have transitioned.  In some cases (like me), it's a matter of time, in other cases people have gone as far as they want, or as far as they can, and in most cases would be "read" fairly easily on the street.  I don't say that in any way critically of anyone!  But obviously the experiences of the people in this group are far more diverse, particulary in the present context.
    It does look hopeful for next week though, when I think she is meeting with a transgender group in San Francisco who are less fortunate (and I think includes at least one transman).
    More troubling were her comments about social welfare.  It can be easy to forget that she is Republican, and obviously holds some of the pro-wealthy positions of the Republican Party.  Talking about not wanting people to start becoming dependent on the government!  That's on the oldest and most sickening lies of the Republican Party (think about Ronald Reagan's "welfar queen" crap).
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