CTF

Day one of this new medication is going terribly so far. I feel so tired and groggy even though I slept 16 hours! I took the medication around 7:30, went to sleep at 8:30, and woke up around noon. This reminds me of my last medication which made me half asleep all day. This one is making me half asleep as well but it's more like 3/4 asleep considering I could sleep anytime, anywhere where as my last medication I could stay awake for about 3 hours after taking it. I also am having quite vivid dreams which wasn't very fun since I have a history of nightmares and night terrors. I read up on it and apparently this drowsiness should dissipate after about 2 weeks. I don't know if I can wait that long but I will. I don't want to stop it and have to see the psychiatrist again so soon and have her thinking I just want attention like she did yesterday. I'll probably lag on the blog for the next couple of days since this drowsiness is taking over me.

Yesterday I was once more sent to the psychiatrist for her thoughts on who I am and what medication would help my depression, anxiety, and autism. She also does not know I am trans since every session a guardian has to be present in case I am dangerous or if I lie about something.we discussed how my last medication made me basically a zombie, half asleep when awake and sleeping whenever I could, and how it increased my depression. She discussed either increasing the dosage or stopping it all together. She also discussed how she thought I was lying about the effects of the medication since I have been through 3 categories and none have helped. That shocked me since I've only been on four medications from her. Of course I'm not lying! I wanna get better as much as the next person! Anyway, that was all a hassle to get me to panic. I believe she wanted to see how it affected me which is plain ridiculous. I didn't really react externally, I remained stoic as always and stared at the floor. In the end, I got a new medication which I don't think it's necessary to say the name of. Another interesting thing has happened. As you should now from my previous posts, I am out at school and not at home. It's been easy so far, good for me. But now a new principal has been assigned and he is a friend of my parents. Hopefully, he never finds out since I look quite different from the last he saw me, new glasses, shorter hair, taller, skinnier. Plus the principals at my school hardly interact with specific students unless they get in trouble and I'm a goody two shoes so i shouldn't have to worry. The whole new principal fiasco is the only thing making me nervous for the new school year. I'm one of the odd children who enjoys school, not because seeing my friends, but because I get to learn and it gives me a routine. Being autistic a routine is very important. Sadly, I have several months until school starts again and between then and now I have a wedding where a dress is in order.

I have a therapist to help with my anxiety and depression that partner my autism. It runs in the family so I'm in therapy along with testing many different medications. Thank you for the advice, I've been thinking about stopping for a while.

As far as I know she is a contractual therapist but I don't know much more since she doesn't really share much about her life.

She likely doesn't but she speaks like she has had trans clients before. I have not asked considering I don't like confrontation and it's hard for me to have conversations because of my autism. I have thought about seeing another therapist but I cannot afford to change at the time since my insurance is paying for my therapy and it only allows a certain amount of sessions (I have 8 left). I have expressed to her my annoyance at her not properly naming me and she seems to brush it off.

Therapy was interesting today. A couple sessions ago I told my therapist that I was trans yet it seems like nothing changed. She still calls me She/Her and uses my birthname no matter how many times I tell her. I've almost given up on it but I know I can't let it get the best of me. Some how that thought offers little comfort.

Hello there! I'm CT Flynn, a transgender male. I also have another interesting thing about me called Autism, I'm sure you've heard of it. Anyway, I made this blog to help myself cope with being stuck in the Closet surrounded by an extremely religious family and possibly my journey of coming out. I am currently in high school where I have many supportive friends but also many non-supportive people. Anyway, thanks for reading!