jonni

Dear Diary- Like most, I often subjected myself to attempting to reach my goals through "instant gratification," fad diet, etc., and following the realization in my initial blog, am attempting a more measured response to reach those goals. It's always hoped that any of this might help others in reaching their goals. My current plan as of this date is: 1. Mornings: Bowl of oatmeal (with a handful of dried fruit and nuts, no milk). 2. Diet Coke Zero through the day (yes, it's very bad for you but here's an interesting factoid: diet sodas are banned from facilities that handle bulimia and anorexia patients). The patients use it to control hunger pangs. I guess I do the same. 3. I avoid sugar after having seen the dangers of sugar in the wonderful film "That Sugar Film" though once in a while, a donut attacks me at the supermarket and I have to destroy it. 3. Dinner is a battle to exercise portion control, especially when it's comfort foods. Fast foods including pizza and take-out (Panda Express) are limited to around once every two-three weeks. 4. I found brushing my teeth helps to prevent most snacking late nights. (There is that occasional bowl of leftover mac & cheese with ham that is hard to resist). 5. As noted in my first blog post, I had purchased a bunch of supplements touted as helpful to move one to a more femme state. In combination, one of these supplements caused headaches so I am currently winnowing down the culprit. I am taking 2x550mg Puerific Mirifica for the past few days. No headaches yet but I will give it another day. If no headache, I will most likely add Fenugreek to my regimen and see how that does. 6. As noted in my first blog post, I wash with Lavender soap and use a homemade lotion consisting of 4 squirts of any carrier oil and 6 drops of Lavender essential oil. I massage these on my breasts and apply in what I believe are fast-absorbing areas such as armpits and groin. 7. I am planning to start drinking at least a quart of soymilk a day. I understand that this can have some desired breast developing effect. 8. Practicing with shoes. It's been over a year since I had last dressed I had ordered a pair of pointed black 3-inch heels. Finally received them. Owwwwwwwwwwwww. My feet seem to have grown and the size that had previously worked for me now is too tight in the toe area. I've managed to stretch the toe area out using thick socks and blow dryer but still can't walk for more than a minute without having to stop (Oddly, I can stand and the pain subsides quickly but walking...). This probably means round toed shoes from now on. 9. Horrors! I have been battling nose and ear hairs. The ear hairs I manage to pluck but the nose hairs can only be dealt with currently through cutting with a pair of small scissors. I am seriously considering laser or electrolysis for this but need to research as far as applying these treatments in the nasal area go. Depending on how TG-friendly the provider would be, I might also spring for a clearing of a particular area down there. That's all for now, Mz. Hyde

Dear Diary- This Dr. Jekyll and Mz. Hyde blog was started just to keep a diary of my attempt at "stealth mode" transformation to be more of the girl I wish to be. I realized I had not offered any background regarding my initial blog post so I am doing so here to help establish a baseline for my travails as Mz. Hyde seeks a return from purgatory. Be warned that it will more than likely be a very boring blog; I am a writer with some small success in that field and consequently tend to be somewhat verbose in my writing. First off, I am a closeted and mature "gurl." I use "gurl" because as Dr. Jekyll, I am married to a woman and very straight-acting. When I become Mz. Hyde, I primarily enjoy socializing with other "gurls". I also enjoy men but only when I am Mz. Hyde. What started me down this wonderful path? That will be a blog for another time. I am a transplant from the wonderful TG-resource-rich SF Bay Area to a state that is a TG-resource desert, to say the least. The move was motivated primarily for financial reasons, partly due to my SO's rapidly dwindling number of family members. In preparation for the move, Dr. Jekyll unfortunately gave away all of Mz. Hyde's belongings and accessories. Dr. Jekyll's reasons were a great fear that certain moving boxes might be accidentally by opened by the SO. So despite Mz. Hyde's heartbreak, off everything went (though Dr. Jekyll did make sure to get the tax donation slips). Mz. Hyde was "somewhat" sure that she would be able to replace everything in her new location with the ease with which she had collected them in the SF Bay Area. (She frequented a very wonderful TG shop in San Jose, Carla's Social Club, which offered plenty of everything needed to discreetly keep Mz. Hyde happy). Moved up to the state that will be unnamed (though you can see it in my profile) and discovered "Ooops," there are no TG-specific business. No place to comfortably try on an buy femme attire. There is one gay club that is also listed as TG-friendly, no TG social groups on Meetup and the suchlike, and there is a small LGBQT center. Mea culpa that Mz. Hyde has not gone to investigate those yet, but I'm sure she will... once she has recreated her wardrobe and accessories to her satisfaction that she will create a good first impression. Instead, Mz. Hyde decided to post on Craigslist (this was right before Craigslist took down the "Personals" section). The ad was pretty simple; Mz. Hyde was a recent transplant. Mz. Hyde was a mature gurl, and while not Quasimodo's sister, was definitely not a member of the TG-"woofies" club. The ad stated Dr. Jekyll had disposed of Mz. Hyde's wardrobe and accessories, and Mz. Hyde was looking for hints and pointers from fellow ladies as to where to shop DISCREETLY and socialize DISCREETLY with others gurls. Also in the ad was the admonition specifically stating NOT LOOKING FOR SEX, just some contact and shopping information from others partaking in the delights of the TG world. Well, I'm sure most of you have experienced what followed: a glut of admirer emails all asking for pics, sex, and the use of my residence for a discreet playdate IMMEDIATELY. A few admirers offered to go shopping with me provided Mz. Hyde was "passable" and "hot." Two "gurls" offered to meet to socialize if I provided femme attire for them to wear. A few "dick" pics. The few responses taken to be actual fellow sisters, all offered the same advice: buy online or steel yourself to the odd looks while perusing the women's sections in the thrift stores. Soooo, a little bit here, a little bit there, all ordered online. Luckily I had held off ordering any outerwear. Then came the fat bulges and realizations noted in my first post. Sigh. Anyway, that's where things are at for Mz. Hyde.

Dear Diary- 1. Discovered fat bulging from over and under the "wings" of a bra I had purchased online. Took stock of myself in a full-length mirror. Depression: my waist size is bigger than my hips. So, trying to lose girth and weight. Other than a bowl of oatmeal with fruit and nuts for breakfast, I do not eating during the day. Trying to focus on salads and soups for my evening meal but donuts, fast-food, and relative-supplied casseroles and dinners are often overwhelming late-night temptations. Sigh. Realizing that true weightloss comes from taking in less calories than you expend is easy; keeping that in mind and sticking to it is hard. 2. Dealing with my V-shaped body (wide shoulders, big chest, and what an acquaintance called "snake-hips.") I am contemplating focusing on doing only lower body muscle-building exercises to bulk up my thighs and rear while hoping muscle mass in the upper body might decrease somewhat (especially under my armpits). 3. Started a regimen of supplements, most notably Puerifica Mirifica, intended to move me somewhat towards a more feminine state. One or more of the supplements causes a bit of a nagging headache so I will be engaging in a bit of detective work to ferret out the culprit. 4. I make a lotion of lavender oil and body lotion which I massage into specific areas (but yes, focused on my chest), hoping to make some gain there. At this point in my life, I have developed "man-boobs," and am hoping for an increase in the size of the nipples to show that the lavender lotion is having any effect. Mz. Hyde is impatient and has been perusing the hip and butt pad products available.