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Fast forward to the present times; I met this girl about 15 months ago. She came in to the unit where I worked, angry, very angry. Her back was up; she was ready for a fight. I wanted to keep my distance, but I was her trainer. Lucky me, I get o train all the new people. So, over time, I became her friend. I think she was just nervous in her new position. She had some bad times before hand in her past positions so she was ready for a fight in this new posting, except no one here was willing to fight with her, not even just a bit. We showed her what to do then left her to do it or not as she chose. She could do the work or not do it or whatever, no one was on her back and the supervisors hardly were seen. They had to deal with me and that kept their hands full. Yes I am a pain in the lower extremes. So they avoided me, (She worked right next to me,) so I would go to their office and alert them to my problems. They would love my visits, as they usually meant more work. I was welcomed like the plague of locus. So she was left on her own to do as she pleased. So she learned her new position in a place where no one was on her back. Her old position they were always on her back. Remember she was small so she had trouble with the heavy parts of the job. Here we either would help her or let her lift what she could and I would do the rest. Once she was accustomed to the world of her new assignment, where people where helpful, Zen like and over all just chill, she calmed down. She is small, Feisty but small, 5 feet tall, very thin, maybe 100-110 lbs. Long hair and very pretty. I would say I am biased on the last part of her being pretty but she seems to get a lot of attention from all the other males who work in other departments so I am thinking she is pretty attractive to the male population. I guess I was "liking her" even before *I* knew I "liked" her. One of the bosses made fun of me for liking "Boi p*ssy" (I think that is what he called it.) because I write poetry or so I thought. Was there something in her file? At this point that was all I could think of. Could have been a stupid comment or was it more than that. I may never know really, not like I can go and ask. Well, I liked her enough to be her friend. Or to try to be her friend she was difficult to be around. She was and is hard to get to know. She was abrasive in some instances and generally not someone that you could get close to or even try to. Or was it just me that she was abrasive to and trying to push away? She seems fine with everyone else but sometimes I wonder. Was she pushing me away even then because she liked me too? Or was it all my imagination? I won't doubt that it is all in my so called mind. What sort of broke the ice was when she asked about my audio books. I was listening to books while I worked and she asked me about them I told her everything and she asked for copies. I was like sure. And I got them for her. I would like to think now, and certainly did then, that I was trying to be nice to her and make a friend. Could it have been an early stage of attraction? Some girls are attracted to bigger guys or so I hear. Don’t you love going back over old memories to see what you were thinking so long ago and see how the past is altered by your thinking today? Or is that just me? Thus began this strange journey into the deep unknown!
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I am not one to call people on the phone which my mother knows all so well but when she calls we usually chat for between one and two hours. She lives on the opposite coast, 94 years old with the mind of a 40 year old which is truly amazing. Tonight we talked about some of my old girlfriends and she talked about some of her old boy friends back when she was 18 years old. One of the stories was when I was out and about with a few guy friends all night, came home and my father was sitting at the kitchen table having a cup of coffee. He turned and looks at me and said "Debbie is waiting for you in your bedroom". Debbie was unlike most girls I had dated in my late teenage and early twenties. I met her at a bowling alley, she caught my eye big time while working the snack area. She came over to give food to a customer and I made some remark like "Hey girl", she flipped me the finger. Okay, challenge is on. I went back to her area and started a conversation which at one point turned into discussing billiards and if memory serves me correct started downing beers and getting a tad rude at her. She offered me a peace offering, a hot dog which I accepted but later regret-ed it because she had cooked it in a deep fryer. All in all some how that rocky started turned into a two year party between the two of us. Going back to the night when my father indicated she was in my bedroom, I went up to my bedroom, she was asleep so I got into bed with her. Next morning she had no clue where her clothes were so she slipped into some of my clothing. So that was that. Tonight when talking to my mother I mentioned Debbie. She said I remember that night, I was awake when she came in dressed with very little clothing, dressed as an American Indian, sat down with your father and produced a bottle of Jack, asked where I was, slugged back a few then without asking said she was going to bed, my bed. Well my father liked Debbie so he let her go up there. Then I hear the rest of the story, my father was a firemen and was listening to the fire/police scanner and head a call come across that the police were looking for a teenage girl dressed as Debbie was. My parents never told me this which all I could do was simply laugh. Is there a point here? Maybe, kind of. All throughout my teenage years I was fixated on wild attractive females and never once stroke out. Years later I truly believe all these woman felt a male/female connection but did not realize it until later in the relationship which eventually ruined said relationship. Are you still with me (heck I am wondering myself lol) I find it interested to look back over some 40 years of adult life confused about my gender and now finally coming to terms with Karen so that the past does make sense where it did not many times which was at times mind blogging. I can let it all go now knowing the at least 90 percent of the woman I dated even back through high school know it was not who they thought I was and have come to terms with Karen. Now the funny thing is my 40th high school reunion is next month and the invitation went out to my male name which was crossed out and penned in Karen Payne Thanks for sticking with me on this!
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