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Serenity : (22 November 2014 - 02:16 PM) Hello
MonicaPz : (22 November 2014 - 11:12 AM) Worth a look!  There is several versions and you can make your own.  Also, check out "behind the scenes" . . .
UsernameOpti... : (22 November 2014 - 09:53 AM) :lol:
CharityLynnC... : (22 November 2014 - 09:10 AM) http://www.elfyourse...?mId=61745695.3 look im an elf breakdancing...lol
MonicaPz : (21 November 2014 - 07:05 PM) Think the young man is a really good comic!
TechCherry3g : (21 November 2014 - 11:26 AM) Hello everyone. Hope everyone is having a good day.
ComedianSale... : (21 November 2014 - 01:39 AM) <p>Super shameless plug. Transgender Stand Up Comedian.. Writer and funny fat guy. Anyone bring popcorn?</p>https://www.youtube....h?v=9vN7mtQltgI
ComedianSale... : (21 November 2014 - 01:38 AM) Super shameless plug. Transgender Stand Up Comedian.. Writer and funny fat guy. Anyone bring popcorn?
yorley : (20 November 2014 - 07:25 PM) hi every one how are u all doing
yorley : (20 November 2014 - 07:24 PM) hi ohw are ou all
UsernameOpti... : (20 November 2014 - 06:03 PM) It would be nice if the next TDOR had no new names on it...and that one day, there will be no need for that very somber event.
Serenity : (20 November 2014 - 02:35 PM) Hello people, I came back after for a long disappearence
Tellme : (20 November 2014 - 10:29 AM) Hi new here would like to chat In see what happens
Bonnie : (20 November 2014 - 04:53 AM) Today is Transgender Remembrance Day.  Please give a thought and/or a prayer for those who have died through violence or suicide.
TechCherry3g : (19 November 2014 - 03:51 PM) HI
Sprinkles75 : (18 November 2014 - 11:57 PM) hello all ... :) just wanted to say hi
TechCherry3g : (18 November 2014 - 08:35 PM) Hello
MichelleDT : (18 November 2014 - 12:27 PM) Hello all
Bobbisox : (16 November 2014 - 08:17 PM) I've been transdermal estradiol and anti androgen fo 7 mos
Bobbisox : (16 November 2014 - 08:16 PM) Hi folks  newbie here - Had a question re: my HRT





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I can measure up!!

Posted by PlagueBubonic , 27 December 2011 · 89 views

I know this is not a positive post, I feel like putting a *** under my chin and........
Poof ...Vanish...Who would really care????
I could not measure up to my mothers expectation for being her little girl; which got me beat and thrown out of the house.
I can not measure to my own expectations either. People tell me I'm a freak.. other people at church have called me he /she devil.  I even feel that the demons in my head tell me, I can't measure up either.
I guess this stems from looking in the mirror, the reflection I see back is not one I like; that's why I cannot measure up to being a real woman.  I know I was not born that way; I'm just tired of feeling so bad.
Sometimes I call this Pinocchio syndrome; he wanted to be a real little boy but he was a puppet.
I wanna be a real woman................
I guess a better name for it is, want to be.  Maybe I shouldn't write this at all, however I know I am not alone on my feelings.  I know I shouldn't feel bad for myself; but I do.
There's a song I listened to in one verse it says, " the best dreams I've ever had are the ones I'm dying in."
Sometimes I feel like these artists can see inside my soul.
I really don't wanna be this bleu.  But something has really thrown me into a stupor, and I just can't take the negative talk anymore.  Tired of not measuring up.  I'm tired of building myself up; just to be torn down.
Since I believe in talking it out instead of acting it out; that's why I wrote this.  So if I read it I'll try to make sense out of my own thoughts.




The nurturing part of me surfaces... If you were my child I would hug you and let you know it's ok. It's ok to be different. It's ok to be special.

Wish I could make the "ugly" people shut the hell up. They say mean, hurtful things. Some of them just don't know any better. I don't know what to do about them. I do know what to say to you. Remember that you are special. Avoid the negative self talk and love yourself for being you.

Even though it's hard sometimes, you're not alone.
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PlagueBubonic
Dec 27 2011 11:46 PM
Thank you very much for writing this Ms.Lori; it really makes a differance to me. I just when to a bad place for a moment.
This is why I don't like to be left alone
<I hope you understand this> the demons just creep in to my head and .....I wish I clould make them stop. any way I do appereciate your message and I try what you suggested
thank you >^.^< Peace Out
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