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EmmaSweet : (30 March 2015 - 03:56 PM) You're making me hungry Veronica!
veronicabeta : (30 March 2015 - 03:50 PM) Making tea. Pork barbeque medallion sandwiches, Potato rolls. Fries. Slaw. KNOSH! :) It's the little things ! :)
veronicabeta : (30 March 2015 - 02:26 PM) About 5:10 AM.
veronicabeta : (30 March 2015 - 02:22 PM) So cool Saw the ISS This morning over Front Range Denver Colorado
middgirl : (30 March 2015 - 01:28 PM) who looking for support n help with this I wear womans clothes out in town
middgirl : (30 March 2015 - 01:26 PM) hello iam new here iam a 46 yearold maleto female crossdresser who strat to crossdress when I was about 11  did behind clos doors until a few ago I have one close felmale friend that support my crossdressing n givesme adivce
veronicabeta : (30 March 2015 - 01:30 AM) Off to the market and perhaps, see some old friends in the Southern Sky ! :)
veronicabeta : (29 March 2015 - 10:32 PM) http://archaeoastron...countdowns.html
veronicabeta : (29 March 2015 - 10:31 PM) Brothers & Sisters, Beltaine is just 36 hours, 13 hrs, 13 Mins away. We are Thrice Blessed
EmmaSweet : (29 March 2015 - 04:19 PM) TJ: I'm so sorry to hear about your episode with your father. Perhaps he thought bringing the ham was a peace offering of sorts but also an excuse to come see how you're doing. Easy for me to say but maybe it's time to set some boundaries with him. His feelings are okay but not his behavior.
ViBetaSCOT : (29 March 2015 - 11:08 AM) Hi Sara you are so sweet and kind!!!!!!!!!!!Lots of Bright Blessings to youand youre
TJDavies : (29 March 2015 - 10:28 AM) For the most part, my relationship is pretty terrible with him. Usually after 15 minutes I'm back inside crying my eyes out or having an anxiety attack. He just randomly brings me food.
TJDavies : (29 March 2015 - 10:27 AM) Ehhhhhh not as much of a peace offering because he still yelled at me for being a part of LGBT* organizations openly. It was probably because on Palm sunday our extended family goes to his house for dinner (as well as on easter) and he had some extra stuff.
veronicabeta : (29 March 2015 - 07:38 AM) Hello Charl, Hello Sweet, Hello Karen
veronicabeta : (29 March 2015 - 07:22 AM) Seems these days, the only times I can recall clearly is the ones that meant something to both of us.
veronicabeta : (29 March 2015 - 07:21 AM) TJDavies, if you were my kid? It would be Spaghetti. Your dad's a person too. Don't miss a second you can spend with him. I am so glad, I spent so much "trivial" time with mine, now that he's been gone all these years, it SO makes a difference in my life.
Lori : (28 March 2015 - 09:34 PM) That's what I was thinking. Maybe your dad is making an effort to reach out and maybe even to understand. Best of luck to you and your dad.
UsernameOpti... : (28 March 2015 - 09:32 PM) Peace offering, maybe?
TJDavies : (28 March 2015 - 05:07 PM) So, My dad called me an hour and a half ago to tell me he's bringing me a ham..... I haven't seen this man in 2 months.... He brings me a ham in times of stress that I don't even mention to him. My relationship with this man confuses me because he talks to much crap about me being Trans but then brings me ham.
MonicaPz : (28 March 2015 - 05:06 PM) Emma, always liked a lady who is ahead of the game!  LOL!





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Posted by Daneela , 15 April 2012 · 257 views

I can't see when I last posted or even what I said.  I'm certain, though, it was quite some time ago. Many things were different than before and are different than now.

I've probably said before that I'm an alcoholic, though not recovering. I used it to drug myself into rest for the night. For over a decade, I had no trouble arising and going to work when I had a job. Nor did I drink more while I was looking for a job. Things seemed stable.

I'm sure I've described how stressful my last two jobs were - lodging and money, daily uncertainty that I would still have the job the next day. Each was far enough from home that I was alone in my hotel, which is what I prefer in those cases.

Actually, my last two job searches haven't caused hardships. Maybe I've gotten better or maybe the market for my skillset has returned to the US.

Anyway, I was offered this 9-month contract at a relatively low rate but in an application I hadn't learned yet but that was trying to replace the application I'd been programming with the last 15 years. Since the two programs are nothing alike on the other side of the screen, programming with the "new" app was difficult at first. I needed a few months of intense study before I understood enough to read through someone's else's customization from the past. When I did, I saw immediately that the style that was followed resulted in code that was extremely hard to read, even if you understood every line. IMO, it was unmaintainable and TG it was only a proof-of-concept and didn't have to be used any more.

So, then I learned enough to copy what I needed out of the old code to write my new customization.  I've developed a style over my 29 year career by adopting many of the practices I've learned from other professionally developed programs. I, of course, choose only the ones that produce the best results - correct, concise, well documented, maintainable code. Since the client I work most closely with is also a developer and knew the old code, my style was not what he and my employer had used before, and my designs were different that ones they'd seen in the past. Those changes made them uncomfortable, so at first, they added "fixes" using their old style. The mixture was really ugly.

After 6-8 weeks of me writing, debugging, testing and documenting the first feature, they started looking more deeply and doing user-level tests. They found some bugs that I was able to fix in a matter of hours (not days or weeks :) ) and that fact impressed them as well. The low number of bugs improved their confidence, too. After they'd learned all of what I'd designed and written, they were happy to leave me alone, doing things my way because they were sure it would end up good. The client even said that he'd learned quite a lot from me already that he'd continue doing for the rest of his career.

Although the client manager thinks he is preventing me from "stressing out," by not telling me his schedule, his milestones, his deadlines, I have no clue whether I need to change my plans to accomodate his needs. He receives changes from the users all the time and I have to be flexible, nothing new there. The uncertainty, though, did increase my stress. That added stress cause me to drink more heavily.

I realized just Friday morning that I'd lost my grip on the addiction. It was now risking my work, my job, too often for me to ignore. Friday, I turned off the tap and haven't had anything since. I don't intend to start again, but relapse can happen. Care about me and send me your spare power, please. Thanks.




Sending you hugs with best wishes for strength, happiness and success. :)
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Daneela,

I just discovered your blog this morning. It's been two years since this post and I hope you're feeling and doing better.

Hugs,

Emma
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