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Transgender Message Forum


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About Emma

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    Senior Moderator
  • Birthday May 12

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    Bicycling, learning new things, reading, hiking, backpacking, camping, cooking, Petite Syrah, sharing experiences with friends.

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  1. Hey Dee, It does hurt to be forgotten or an after-thought, and as we are trans it hurts all the more because we may take some responsibility for our own pain. The thing is that it’s wrong on so many levels when we are forgotten. I hope you had a wonderful Father's Day. For me, I have two sons, 35 and 31 years old. The 35 year old didn't even send an email. The 31 year old phoned to wish me a nice day and then proceeded to try to manipulate me into giving him money. Both of their behaviors are unrelated to my being trans or having transitioned, and both still call me Dad and that's fine with me. It's tough being a parent... and trans... Emma
  2. Hi Dee, I'm amazed that I'm joining this conversation so late! I loved reading about your wonderful time at Trans Pride. Your photos look fantastic! Good for you, very good. I don't mean to push you in any direction but I'll say that your experience with going out and about as a woman parallels mine. It was like I was finally out just being myself and it was so enjoyable, like a weight had been removed from my back and my mind. What and when will you go out again? Best wishes, Emma
  3. My advice... drive carefully and have fun!!!
  4. Emma

    Teanaway Ridge Hike

    Yeah, I keep at it, trying to just be myself and let my freak flag fly. That’s what we used to say back in the day about our long hair. It felt cool to stand up against the Establishment. Funny that at my ripe age that it’s more important for me to assimilate. The main problem, my therapist advised this morning, is that I get too wrapped up in my thinking patterns, which have been my go-to patterns for ~60 years. The key is to recognize the thinking and then focus attention elsewhere, on almost anything, to break the pattern even momentarily. That’s my assignment for this week, give it a try. Aye aye, Cap’n! Will do.
  5. I hiked up to Teanaway Ridge (https://www.wta.org/go-hiking/hikes/iron-bear) yesterday with Philippa, Juliette, and Clara. The weather, spring flowers, and amazing views of the Cascade Mountains were perfect, as was the after-hike beer and munchies. The hike was hard going for me since it was my first hike since my GCS/BA in late January. It was fun getting to know Clara and Juliette who are mid-30s, married to each other. Full of smiles and youthful energy and enthusiasm. The thing is that I believe I'll always be recognized as trans, and I feel it holding me apart from the community of women. That said, there is a limit on what I'll subject myself to, to pass, which is not a heck of a lot. I've worked on my voice a lot, had FFS, and wear a small amount of makeup (not yesterday of course). So I think it's fair to say that I'm seen as a trans woman and those in the know only know and refer to me as Emma, with appropriate pronouns. I have an awareness that I'm different, and not in a good way. Sure, that's a judgement that I put on myself. I wonder if I had pride in being trans that it would be easier. I'm always so self-conscious. My voice, my face, shout out my reality and I don't like it, always feeling like I'm different. I am thus torn between wanting to be social versus retreating into a shell, solitary with my self-conscious defenses lowered.
  6. Oh my God, this really is becoming like fascist Germany. But what I don't understand is why this same State Department rule would not also apply to heterosexual married couples who have children "gestational surrogacy and other forms of assisted reproductive technology (ART)" outside our border. I mean, LGBT marriages are fully legal, just like hetero marriages. It seems to me that this is going to blow up in the Trump administration's faces.
  7. BA, I only have my ears pierced, since about two years ago. I went to a piercing-specialist (yay!) and didn't have any problems except their store was so small that the inventory of studs I could choose from was minimal to say the least. I don't remember what kind of tool he used but I do recall that it created some pain which was scary. I dutifully soaked each piercing in warm salt water (distilled water) for a month to make sure they healed okay. I'm happy with mine but he never asked me what gauge I wanted. I guess he just assumed some size since it was obvious that I just wanted to hang earrings from my ear lobes.
  8. I think you’re fine. I have never understood or tried to use breast form adhesive. I had breast augmentation surgery just three months ago - lucky me - and I like it that they’re just there, all the time. I don’t recall where you live but Kaiser is one of a small number of insurance companies that covers breast augmentation. That’s why I was able to afford it. If you have local resources on trans issues they might know if your state has or is working on laws that compel insurance companies for this coverage. You can also phone or write to your state insurance commission to let them know what you need. Yes, this may not work but it doesn’t hurt to try and the more requests they receive the sooner that they may come around.
  9. Dee, I agree with Christy and Jess: go out for a day or two, be mentally prepared to feel awkward at times but also to bask in the euphoria of presenting authentically. Indeed, finding your comfortable style(s) is an exercise in trial and error but everything in life is. Perhaps in the evenings you can update your blog here so we can follow along!
  10. Yeah, I wondered if she was connected to other people in your life. I understand all too well that you can't share anything about your being trans with her at least for now. That kind of blowback was something I stressed over so much. Even in high school I had a great girlfriend. I kind of broached the subject about wearing girl's clothing; she was up for trying it out but I was just too shy and ashamed about the whole thing, and also terrified that my doing this would get out. So, asking her is all about when you're ready (or already have) come out. Good for you to wait.
  11. Dee, I'm so sorry for your loss especially at this time in your life. I'm not at all surprised that you handled all the mix-ups and confusion with grace. About beer vs. white wine: One thing to remember please is that it's perfectly okay to enjoy whatever you do regardless of your gender and presentation. Maybe you like to work on cars or have a hobby that men more typically enjoy. The key words are "more typically" because we all know of cis women who enjoy whatever you might think of. It's not as if we suddenly have to be delighted by quilting or sewing. Sure, having a beer was good for a lighthearted joke but I wish you won't add the stress of deciding what you "should and shouldn't" do (and want to do). "How would she feel if she knew that I was planning on going out and spending almost a full weekend as Dee at the end of this month, just to see how I feel about it? Which at the moment is equal parts wanting to squeal with excitement and terror!" Consider telling her and finding out! Regardless, I can't wait to read a full report of your weekend. Yes it's both exciting and terrifying. Remember, fear is kind of like a wall, and on the other side of the wall is a kind of freedom. Emma
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