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About this blog

So I tend to blog on Wordpress on a Monday, if you want to kind of catch up with my brain from the start than that is the place to go: (https://wordpress.com/pages/ironicissues.wordpress.com)

For those who just do not have the time!

I am Dee, I live in a very rural part of Scotland, I started questioning my gender after going to a Halloween D&D party last year as a female character and realising at the end of the night that I did not want to take the costume off! Cue lots of searching and questioning and eventually I understood that I do not fit with the description of cis-gender. I do not emotionally or socially identify with the gender I was assigned at birth, so I concluded that I must be Trans - although I am still asking questions as I try and decide what to do with the information!

Entries in this blog


Fathers Day

Tomorrow will be fathers day. Given the mess of my marriage it is safe to say that my experiences of fathers day have been sporadic at best, the odd wee card or slice of toast brought to the bedroom. Always an after thought or last minute purchase. Once or twice a decent bottle of whisky, but overall meh - usually we had to go and share with my exes dad, until he fell out of favour. This year we swapped the weekends around so that the kids could be  with me for Fathers day - it meant my ex could




My First Pride

I am still a little bit unsure how I process today.  A slow relaxed morning meant that I missed the parade but Today I did my makeup and then got help from my niece to do my eyebrows and eyeliner - pro tip: she used some eye shadow rather than eye liner or an eyebrow pencil, it gave the same effect but did not look so harsh when on and came off so much easier just now! Then my sister helped me glue my nails on - they were both jealous of my nails, but they matched my hair perfectly - they were j

Dee in the City pt 1

I left my house this morning wearing my ladies jeans and a ladies tee that when combined with my male boots, baseball cap and baggy jacket looked like I was just wearing skinny jeans, at most slightly androgynous. I drove down to meet my sister, stopped for an iced coffee and to buy a toothbrush and a razor, because even though I have packed my biggest suitcase with enough clothes to go on holiday for a fortnight I forgot them. My sister and I put the world to rights as we drove down to my

Nervous Energy!

On Friday, as soon as my son leaves for school I can pack my car, make the 2.5 hr drive to my sisters, and then the next 2-3 hr drive down to my nieces. If I can then I intend to be Dee when I get in the car, or if not then pretty much from the moment we arrive at my nieces I will unpack and change.   This was suggested ages ago when my niece first found out I was questioning my gender. She did not really understand it, but she very much wanted to show her support. We have always

...and now you can relax...

* Just a quick content warning that this post is a candid one about a recent personal funeral experience*   Today is a quiet day, I have spent the last hour just sitting and watching some of my favourite female comedians on "Live at the Apollo" as youtube has suggested and auto played one after the other. I did not start out doing that but it was good to laugh.   In my work I have to walk a line of professionalism and caring, one you learn how to do and the other you either d

A melancholy moment

Just had a really bizarre moment.   I agreed to sign up to an endurance race with my nephews and sister next March - it is a 10 mile race, at night - up and down the Scottish hills - quite mad and quite fun. As a part of the entry I had to fill in the usual ID form and for the first time in my life I genuinely hesitated at the male or female question.  I have been happily filling in forms for most of my life without any qualms whatsoever. It actually made me tear up a little

Feeling a bit of a fraud

I have just spent the last hour trying to convince my son that he has to give my ex wife's new partner a chance. In his own words he does not like the change (there were a few clashes while he was on holiday with them during the Easter break) and so he has decided that he does not get on with her new man. I literally had to say, "she has moved on and so have I"... then very quietly muttered "sort of" under my breath.   I am (I think) okay with being single again - still waiting for the

Of all the things...

I was coming home this evening and listening to the local radio station, taking advantage of being in an area with actual radio coverage is nice, it was a traditional Scottish tunes show they were playing a Military two step, and it hit me.  If I am going to be Dee I am going to have to learn how to dance again! Scottish country dancing is done in village halls across the highlands at every wedding and major event - especially New Years and is something you learn to do at school- but I have

Coming out to my baby sisters

This week I have finally started to become emotionally okay with being Transgender.  Intellectually I knew it months ago, but internally I have been fighting it whether I meant to or not. Being transgender was great for other people, but just a headache and not okay for me. It messes up too may areas in my life.Thanks to the support and encouragement from many of the people I have met online I am starting to look at it differently and without quite so much of the panic and feelings of being suck

Fed up being frustrated

My ex wife was on the phone today as we sorted out the childcare for the upcoming Easter holidays and swapped updates with how the children are getting on at school (currently my son lives with me and my daughter lives with her during the week and we alternate weekends with both - it will change to just 50% during holidays soon as my ex is almost certainly going to be moving out of the area and my daughter will want to go with her mum - our kids are about as happy as they can be in the circumsta

Laughing at myself

I shaved properly (with a razor instead of my electric shaver) for the first time since my laser this morning and because I knew I would have the house to myself i put on my prettiest black dress and a pair of heels I bought ages ago but will never wear out because the heels are far too impractical... I wanted to see if it made me feel girly as I feel like Dee has been very quiet recently, not gone just not as loud or as certain as she has been. After teetering around making myself a late breakf

Reaction to laser

How do you even start to present female when your face is this rough all the time? Without being able to shave I am constantly being reminded of my facial hair as it catches on all my work shirts.  I expected the sunburn feeling but my face looks hideous at the moment and I hate it. After 4 days the dark hairs are still pushing their way out so my stubble is really rough, looks really obvious all the time even after I attempted to shave because I had to go and see someone, you would ne

Not sure what to feel

I have just been told by my ex partner that she got engaged to her new man last night and my brain is struggling to absorb the information. I was looking after the 3 dogs this weekend with the children to allow her to travel down and hand our divorce papers in and then go for a hospital appointment today that had implications for a possible op so I was trying to help alleviate stress. I knew she would probably meet up with her man but that was not really a big deal, but promising to marry him ki

New Ally

I initially titled this an ally - but after forgetting to put the space in when I typed it in google to check my spelling I changed my mind 😳 I travelled down the road last night with my children to stay at my sisters house, we both have daughters who were born on the same day and so while cousins they often look and behave as twins. (My two younger sisters who I am yet to tell about my trans feelings are twins so I really do know).  Once the kids had been sent to bed I got to sit up and ha

Am I your type?

I do not mean it in that way before anyone panics. I just like the play on words...     I was just reading a blog by someone who identified themselves as an INFJ woman - a lot of what she wrote made sense, and the 3 times I have done Meyers Briggs I have always been INFP.  Sometimes I drift a little but it comes as no surprise, given the emotional turmoil I have gone through in the last 6 months I thought I would give it a go and see where I classify - I took maybe 3 minutes to answer

Stopped by the Fashion Police

When I was 15 or so my friend and I discovered the self printing business card machine in the local shopping centre. We were always on the lookout for a cheap way to spend the most time when we were out so we promptly hatched a plan that seemed hilarious to us at the time. We printed out 250 business cards that said (something along the lines of)   "Stop. We are the fashion police. You are under arrest for crimes against fashion." And for the afternoon we became the fash

Feeling Different

Well this morning has been an interesting one, I've been realising that a few of my feelings have shifted... Since the end of last October I have been using female deodorant exclusively, I prefer the smell and found that the "sure" brand were neutral enough for everyday use without being overtly feminine. I ran out this week and hadn't bought more as the kids have been with me when I have gone shopping, so used my male deodorant for the first time in months this morning and realised that I do no




One small step

So today I took another small step forwards. I have just called the GIC Outreach clinic closest to me.  I now have an appointment to talk with someone about my gender on 2nd October this year.  What a total difference to the last time I tried to call!  Last time I chickened out dialling twice and then talked myself out of it because I wasn't sure where any of my feelings and desires to be female had come from nor why they were so strong. I didn't want to do anything that woul




The List

On Tilly's recent blog after some encouragement from Monica, Emma very kindly shared a list of things that she had shared with her therapist while wrestling with her identity. It had been split into different age stages but included some if not all of the "pointers" and memories that hinted at her true gender. Christy had also said she had found the exercise of creating a list beneficial to her.  So last night I sat up and decided to see if I could compile my own "List".  I w




Restless before the rain came

This is attempt number 2 - I have literally taken most of it from my other post and tried to remember what I had written differently! I have had this weekend pretty much to myself, normally I spend most evenings wishing I had the time to be me, but whether it is because I have been out a lot or just not had the time I do not know. Today though was different, I went to work this morning but as soon as I arrived back home I changed into some leggings and a jumper and did some hopefully s



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