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About Blackangel

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Missouri USA
  • Interests
    Writing, Video Games, My Pets, Collecting Various Items, Movies, Music, Learning Foreign Languages, and a lot more

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  1. I’m on a vitamin d scrip. Also I have 3 doctors working together watching the meds and another 3 neurologists in the mix. As for sunlight, I know this isn’t an actual thing but it’s the only way I’ve ever been able to describe it. I’m “allergic” to sunlight. Every time I get in sunlight I start having sneezing fits and trouble getting a breath. Also I’m EXTREMELY photosensitive. I wear sunglasses in the house and have to double up to go outside. So I try to avoid sunlight at all costs.
  2. I've been on medication for many years now for bi-polar, depression, and schizophrenia. I was seeing a therapist for a few years, but when I came out to her she demanded a psychological evaluation. So I quit seeing her and have been pretty soured on therapists ever since. That was around 2-3 years ago. I've considered trying it again, but none of the therapists around here are LGBTQ+ friendly. And I'm not able to drive an hour and a half away to KC or SL just for a 45 minute therapy session. If I wasn't on the meds that I'm currently on, I probably wouldn't be here to make this post. Seroquel is just one of the many meds I take. I did a count the other day, and combining the meds I take both morning and night, I take a total of 34 pills daily. Just to keep me from going off the deep end. Yet still, I hate life.
  3. I'm not happy. I don't mean I'm having a bad day. I mean in life all around. I don't get it either. I have all my needs met, and several luxuries. So what's wrong with me? I have someone in my life that (hopefully) loves me. I have food in my house, clean water, a roof over my head, and clothes on my back. So what's missing? I've always hated life. That much I know. For as long as I can remember, I've said "I don't know who I pissed off to deserve being here, but I'm sure as hell gonna make sure to not do it again." I've always seen life as a curse. Suicide is pointless. Knowing my luck, I would just screw that up and end up a quadriplegic or something that would only make everything worse than it already is. Is misery the gift I was given at birth? If so whoever gave it to me can have it back. And the horse they rode in on. I'm probably viewed as whining in this post, but I really don't care. I don't even know where I'm going with this. Or even IF I'm going anywhere. I'm just venting and trying to figure out why I'm so unhappy. I look around and quite frankly, I have more than a lot of people. I have no explanation. At least none that I can understand. Am I too greedy to be happy? Am I too selfish? Am I the type of person who always has to have more? I've never thought of myself as materialistic. I'll admit that I'm greedy, but I fight that as hard as I can, simply because I despise greed. It's one of my millions of flaws. And it's on the top 10 list of the ones that I can't stand about myself. So what do I want, a cookie? How about a foot in the ass? Whichever. I don't care anymore. I can't care anymore. That's an ability I lost a long time ago. Adrianne and I are fine as far as I can think of. We're not having any real problems at the moment as far as I know. Sometimes, however, I think the relationship has run its course. Then I think in the next instant that I couldn't live without her. My brain is twisted up worse than a damn corkscrew. The emotional turmoil going on in my mind is killing me. I feel like I'm dying. Like my body and mind are shutting down and just waiting for the right time to flip that switch from on to off. So what do I do about that? Tell it all to bite me? Put on a steel toed boot and give it a kick in the teeth? Or beg it for mercy? I've always hated myself and everything about me. I'm a cutter and watching the blood run is about the only thing that gives me any relief. Typically I rub salt into the cut. The burn is relief. I've always known that I'm a masochist. I kinda had to be. But as long as I have some form of relief in the cutting, it's all good. Sometimes I get drunk. Sometimes I get high. But cutting releases a lot more. But WHY?
  4. I'm not surprised. The Catholic church has always been a den of bigotry and intolerance. Take me for example. If they're willing to excommunicate a 3 year old child for asking a simple question about their god, then how can it be expected (or even believed), that they would have anything worthwhile to offer? If you want a wolf-in-sheeps-clothing hate group, then look no further than the Roman Catholic church.
  5. Definitely a breath of fresh air. It's great to see Israel taking charge and treating the LGBTQ+ community like people instead of cockroaches. Now if only we could get that kind of treatment here....
  6. Ok, I'm officially shocked. I've been to Texas several times, and in several major cities, and in my experience they have NEVER been tolerant of the LGBTQ+ community. I have bloodline that lives in Texas and they have a 3 letter word for all of us. And my bloodline there are some of the more supportive that I've met. If there's anyone from Texas here, I hope for your sake I'm way off the norm with my experience. Also GUARD YOURSELF!!!
  7. The bar is pathetic. They know they're prejudice, and that the public knows now, and are now scrambling to cover their ass. "Holding a Pride Month event"? That's laughable. They'll probably have the westboro baptist church there to run the whole thing.
  8. I think they're being told behind closed doors to let us die. As for the HIV part? I would bet my arms that they intentionally gave it to her in an effort to get rid of us "freaks".
  9. Technically speaking there's more than 2 parties to choose from. But the main two are Democrats and Republicans. There's Independent, Libertarian, Reform, and several others. But due to their views most of the time, I highly doubt anyone will ever be elected from any of them. Typically we don't even see anyone from any of them even running for office.
  10. The boy has an amazing voice. I'll be looking for his first album. One thing I liked is that you can really tell he's Australian. It's been my experience that people with that accent always cam thru sounding the same as American singers. I love his voice.
  11. Is it just me, or does it seem like it's hunting season on us, and tags aren't required?
  12. Someone posted this on my forum, and I thought it should be mentioned here. https://projectsolace.co
  13. It seems that as far as law "enforcement" is concerned, we're sub-human. If we even are human. It doesn't surprise me though. I can't speak for other communities, but it's a well documented fact that the entire department here is corrupt. Citizens have tried to get the department cleaned out, most of which have been threatened with false charges in response. I have no love, respect, or support in any way, shape, or form for the pork club. They're useless. They're lazy (expletives deleted) on a power trip. They're not to be trusted or relied on unless you have at least an 8 figure bank account. I'll get off this rant now or I'll be going all day.
  14. I got sound with no problem this morning. I almost wish I hadn't though. This isn't an article I want to see again
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