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Briannah

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About Briannah

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 02/04/1972

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Ohio
  • Interests
    Nikki, time with the offspring, Anime, Gaming, Turtles, Cruising, Ghost Stories/Books/Movies, Origami, Camping, swimming, snorkeling, beaches, pets, Halloween!, Photography thought I'm not overly skilled at it.

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  1. Seeing who you are first and finding yourself is the best thing you can do, relationships just work so much better when we sort that out, and let life happen. You never know who you'll cross paths with, just be open!
  2. It's a good roadmap to start formulating my plan! Thank you so much Monica, I'm really thrown by all this.
  3. So...you're never supposed to say anything negative about former employers in interviews, it doesn't come across well. But what do I do with the question of why I'm going to be taking a major paycut (most of the positions similar to mine pay much less) to work somewhere else? The real reason is they've put me in a position where I have to break a variety of laws to do the job as they require of me, and I deeply don't like this. At first I thought they didn't know and were going to get me the training and such I needed for compliance, but Have since realized nope, they don't want to put a cent into anything and are okay with ordering me to commit fraud on customers now too. For the life of me I can't think of a reason why I applied for a job with a $5/hr paycut to answer this question that doesn't sound like I'm a dumb flake or is the actaul truth, and I don't think telling teh truth in this case is good for me? I don' t know.
  4. I wish you the best of luck wtih all of it, and hope that it all works out! I'm about to go kill as many pixelated creatures as possible for that same destressing reason. IF this house sells soon, we're installing a hot tub for Nikki's back. I think Nikki is harboring some hope a hot soak after all the crazy will chill me out, but until then, I'm going to save Skyrim. Again. LOL
  5. Can't beat gaming time! My nephew is on the spectrum, and I understand what you mean about controlling his environment. Stability means so much! And that is true for all of us, spectrum or no. I'm glad everyone seems comfortable in their situations!
  6. Take this with a grain of salt as you obviously know your family situation better, but as a child of divorced and remarried parents, the thing I most wanted was to be able to feel and express my feelings and conflicts with the stepmom without the pressure to get along. This is completely me projecting my own experience and read this comment with that bias in mind. It just felt a lot of the time like...my feelings about things, especially conflicts, didnt' matter and I was being trained to always view myself as I didn't matter as long as everyone else was happy. Perhaps let him talk about his feelings on the new person in his life, even if they're negative, and perhaps reinforcing the idea of 'you don't have to like him, but you do have to be civil to him as a human being' tone with suggestions on how to behave respectfully in teh contexts of the clashes he spoke of? I know a person know who is divorced and the new person is really problematic, so much so that the children moved in with the non-custodial parent to escape the new live-in so. Sometimes those clashes aren't just resentment of change, but a warning sign. Just my thoughts, feel free to ignore them if they don't apply!
  7. It was not surprisingly a good time, despite a small kitchen disaster in which I had forgotten to actually turn ON the dishwasher the day before and had to quick order baked meatballs delivery instead of my homemade chicken parm cuz my pans were still in there. LOL So now I'm scrolling around the internet looking for trans-friendly hangouts in Dayton, Oh so Nikki can go have fun out. They are astonishingly hard to find. Everything is listed as either a gay or lesbian bar, and Nikki says you can't tell if they are trans friendly or not. *bangs head on desk*
  8. I'm having one of my best friends over to see the my new house, the first person I've had here other than the two coworkers that helped us move. Shes' one of the reasons I wanted to come here, so we'd be close enough to hang out more than twice or three times a year. And I'm realizing my job has had a deeply negative effect on some of my behaviors. I know I will enjoy the visit, it will be fun, and still I'm dreading it like mad. I have this antisocial streak lying underneath a need for company. I don't even understand my own brain sometimes. I had mostly gotten it under control, able to realize rationally that I WANT to spend time with people and will have a blast. And if something happens (the weather is really poor today) I will be slammed with an equally intense feeling of relief and crushing disappointment. How the heck does my brain process like this??? But the last year, between the hours of the job, not being able to have people over because staying with my odd hoarding mother and then having to get things organized here, I think I reinforced my old habits of solo activity and hermitism. I'll just have to do to the work, again. It's a good reminder that disorders and deeply ingrained policy traits can be overcome, but never really 'cured', and you have to nurture the better behaviors. I seem to have forgotten that. Meanwhile, I guess I'll just grit my teeth and get through it until she arrives and the joy mode clicks ins. I really don't know why I do these things to myself, but at least I do better with living with them now than I used to. That's hope. Nikki is really excited to have a guest, that helps. He put a TREMENDOUS effort into the living room, and wants to show off his decorative flair. I pick a few things I like, and then he sorts out the spatial layout and relations to each other to make it look good. He's always been better at traditional 'woman skills' than me. Which reinforced my childhood lived experience opinion that people should be allowed to be who they are, not told what to be based on their bodies. Going through figuring out what it all meant the day we first had the conversation about 'Yes, i'm going to stop lying about it, I'm transgender" changed a lot of things, both in him, our marriage, and in me. I'm finally at ease with my internal lack of the resonence with the stereotypical american female. I hate clothes shopping, I hate makeup, I'm okay with cooking but hate cleaning, and live for video games, table top rpg gaming, and other random things men like. And now I'm finally okay with that, I didn't realize til we started having the discussions of what it all means that I'd always been really uncomfortable with the feeling at odds with the role that had been hardcored forced on me as a child by family and the shcool system because of my sex. I'd internalized it. Rejected it and did what I wanted, but at the same time internalized it and let it negatively impact my self-esteem. Trying to care for Nikki's self-esteem all these years, especially the last few when he was most vulnerable, has repaired some small amount of the boudler sized damage mine has. But it's a start. Hope again I guess. I feel weirdly naked after this post.
  9. Love that big smile on your face, and Peanut is gorgeous!
  10. I'm just gonna accepet that I like to engage in conversation and own it.
  11. Oh, I'm on it. I think the leaderboard basically means I talk too much.
  12. I moused over it on mine, and apparently the days one thing is the number of days you had the most likes on a post/comment in that day.
  13. Starting over is weirdly freeing and oddly disturbing at the same time, whether the scale is large or small. I really wasnt' sure I would do well when Nikki decided we needed to change EVERYTHING, not just how our marriage worked and my knowing about and understanding his gender fluidity. As much as it can be understood, he's still learning as he goes too. But EVERYTHING was going to change. My home, the jobs, the lifestyle, the diet choices, our clothing, even our hobbies; literally nothing is the same as it was last year. I'm dealing, but I have fits of depression and weird resentments. I hadn't realized there were huge parts of my life I was really attached to in a way that I didn't notice every day, just reveled in subconsciously until they were gone. And finally having to stop lying to myself about the state of my relationship with my maternal family not really being any better than my paternal family, just more discreet about how unhealthy it functions was not surprisingly unpleasant. I think I can safely say I'm adjusting though, and I suspicion by this time next year I will have adapted and re-normalized. I sorta envy people who see starting over as a grand adventure and love it. I just sorta wade through it patiently and pretend I'm having a good time, nothing to see here, move along. It helps that I love my house, and now that my things are here and starting to settle into place I feel lest lost, as long as I stay downstairs. Upstairs is still an alien place. My bed sits in this great big empty room with a bunch of boxes creating a maze I injure myself on nightly trying to get to the bathroom, which is now surprisingly far away. The other two rooms are literally still empty, and it's weird how that empty plays on my subconscious. Nikki's love of his new job is becoming problematic, and I work there with him. But it's company first all the time, and I'm lucky if I get some leftover scraps of attention. And there is the weird side effect of after weathering the sorting out of the gender issues and not ending up divorced, he's completely comfortable in our marriage. Comfortable to the point that he takes out all the frustration other people in the company build up in him on me because I'm 'safe' to let it all out on. Ya'll can imagine how thrilled I am about this new behavior. Especially since I'd crosstrained to work under him in an effort to try to get more home time (I was a carpool captive). We have some more marital work to do, it never really ends does it? As long as you are two people in a relationship, there will ALWAYS be some new problem to work on. But after I got really quiet at home because I'm tired of talking about work and telling him verbally we needed to do more marriage time and less work time and he finally pushed my temper into reminding him I can be volcanic when pushed when after someone was rude to me and didn't give me the information I needed he didn't even ask what happened, just tried to silence my voice by gas-lighting me that I didn't understand the interaction I was in (and he wasn't) and I let him know clearly that was so not happening EVER AGAIN, he's working on it with me. Which makes me realize that old, underlying problem is still there, I can tell him about a problem until I'm blue in the face, but until it affects him by me puling away or losing my temper on him, he doesn't take it seriously. I'm thinking of suggesting marital counseling once he settles back into individual therapy for the dysthymia again. 20 years or marriage doesn't make anyone immune to the need for a little help sometimes. On the plus side he's working on reducing his addiction to constant electronic entertainment and actually exploring our new area with me. There is a REALLY pretty town a bit south of us (stupid expensive to live in, and close enough to drive to form where we live but the commute would have been overmuch) with a lovely bookstore. Since my town has none. So that's a fun place to go. We're going to go to this super bizarre almost tourist attraction grocery store either this weekend or next, adn the space museum (Nikki loves Nasa stuff). I hope they have a planetarium at the space museum, I do love a good planetarium I must admit. I guess all in all I'm fine, life is just continuing to happen both to me and around me. But the scenery outside is better. I have a super awesome hangout porch now to enjoy the last days of summer drifting by. The neighbors have been pleasant to us, and he said hello to me as he got home and I was reading a book on the porch and we had a nice conversation. So much better than the crazy, half dressed, theiving ones from our former town. I"m moving up in the world!
  14. Briannah

    Should You Move?

    Sadly the anger and bullying are off the charts on everything. It's like there has been some giant license to rage has been issued and everyone lost their minds. I'm afraid for a lot of people I know for a variety of reasons, I don't think anyone is 'safe' anymore. Be careful and be alert!
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