I have felt passionately about a lot of things before but never could gather the will to sit down and write a blog, but this is coming so naturally. Its as almost as natural as my recent realization that I am actually a woman. I found this site today and I thought it was great that TGGuide.com was encouraging their members to write blogs, and what perfect timing because I just began my journey to becoming the best woman I can be. I have already realized that I will make a much better woman than a man. Don't worry, I will explain.
Let me give you a quick background about myself so that you have an understanding of who I am. I am a 36 year old that just realized I was born a woman, but has a penis and all the male features of a man. I will admit that I am kind of a pretty face and I hope to leverage that as I go through my transformation. You could say that I used to be an alpha-male, and I probably was.
This is going to sound unbelievable and I expect people to doubt this, but I swear its the truth! On the morning of December 8, 2012, I woke up and I felt completely different. I went online and I started looking at lingerie, cute panties, bras, and stockings. I couldn't stop looking at them and kept dreaming and fantasizing about wearing them until I reached orgasm. So, OK, usually right after something unusual like this you hit "post-orgasm depression,"...like, "What was that all about?...this was just a quick fantasy, right? The next morning, without any conscious effort, I went to the bathroom and shaved everything from my waist to my upper legs. I had to go to work and I kept looking at all kinds of women's clothing, from professional attire to sexy and slutty outfits. Without even thinking about it, I ordered 9 pairs of panties, some bandeau tops, stockings, etc.. None of these items have even arrived yet, so I hope I don't disappoint readers by telling you the truth that I haven't even worn a set of heels yet....but believe me, I am looking for nice sets of heels whenever I am not looking at all kinds of other clothing.
So the next day, I masturbate to women's clothes a couple of times and I am in awe of everything feminine. So then I have a couple of orgasms and so maybe I am over this little "phase" I am going through now that I have had a release. Quite the opposite! I started noticing everything about every woman I saw...and all of the things I used to look at a certain way, I was no longer focusing my attention on. I didn't care what her ass looked like, I wanted to know what my ass would look like in her jeans. I wanted the man she was with to be looking at me and undressing me with his eyes. Instead of subconsciously comparing myself to him, I was comparing myself to her. These feelings intensified for over 4 days and they have not let up a bit. I have done nothing with my free time but look at clothes, heels, wigs, TG forums, information about hormones, cosmetics, breast forms, etc.. Today I went online and bought lipstick, a cute pink mirror, tons of body wax, and perfume. I would have got some nails and eyelashes but I have no idea how to do any of that stuff....maybe you guys can help. I found some of the coolest TS/TG clothing sites, one which is called, suddenlyfem.com....that just really happens to explain how I feel this week...and I LOVE IT!...I am beyond obsessed right now. This is my life!
So I mentioned at the beginning of my blog that I realized that I will make a much better woman than a man. Since my discovery just a few days ago, I also noticed over that time, that I was a better person inside and out. I was not the angry grouch that I was before, I was now this beautiful, classy woman! I was much more patient with people and more understanding and I was able to communicate with people much better. I couldn't believe the changes I was noticing in myself...and I could tell that it was because I had fully accepted the fact that I am a woman. I would like to know if anyone else has ever experienced something similar....because I found it fascinating. All I know, is that I know who I am now, and I am ecstatic that I made this discovery. I cannot wait to begin the journey to becoming a woman in terms of how I look and act. When no one is looking, I am already practicing my mannerisms, how I stand, how I sit, how I walk, the things I say, how I say them...everything! I can already tell that this is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know there is a long way to go and there is a lot that needs to be dealt with but I am embracing all of those challenges.
Today, after looking at clothes and all kinds of TG/TS forums and support sites for 9 hours or so, I made another big step, I gave myself a name and created a new identity for myself at facebook, twitter, gmail, etc.. My name, Amber, sounds somewhat similar to a name I was once given and I think it fits me, and it will fit my looks as I get further and further along my transition. Amber was officially born on 12/12/12.
So I am already wondering, "how far will I transition?" because I can already see my future. I am going all the way until I can live like a woman in my personal and professional life, but I have no desire to go through SRS, whatsoever...but you never know, that could change, too. After all, I never saw this coming. All I know, is that I am moving forward as a new person and a beautiful woman.
I really hope to get lots of encouragement, advice, and support from people. I think its awesome that I could start this blog now right as I have made this discovery and I hope to keep this going for a really long time. I need your support and encouragement and I will definitely need advice on what steps to take next and what I am doing right or wrong. You can expect my advice and support for whatever I am in a position to give. I would really like to hear from others who can relate to my experiences because I am still trying to fully understand how I made this discovery...and I am kind of upset that I didn't realize this much sooner, because I already feel amazing now that I have discovered and accepted the fact I am really a woman. I have really enjoyed sharing my experience with you in this blog and I hope to share much more.
Amber is born!
See you tomorrow,