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MonicaPz's Blog

A blog by MonicaPz in General

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Entries in this blog

The New Loneliness: Confusing Internet Connections With Face to Face Friendships

Today people are confusing becoming "friends" with people they "meet" on the Internet with the friends they meet in real life. Ideally, people would physically meet and become friends with people, then use the Internet to maintain contact between meetings, or to grow these friendships if they're long distance friendships.  Rarely I have experienced friendships I met on the Internet to progress to face-to-face friendships, or that they have lasted, usually "petering out."  However, the friends I

Is There A Place For Short-Term Relationships?

All my life I sought a life-long relationship, and, yes, I found true love for ten years, (in my forties), only to lose it for my refusal to marry her (back then, a Holy Union), for fear of losing my Disability benefits and bankrupting her as a result. As I approach my 60's, I realize I have become more complex, because of all the life experience I have been through, making it more difficult for me to find someone with whom I am compatible.  What brought this home to me was my experience with fo

Nine Relationship Stages That All Couples Go Through

The following is an article that a friend sent me, with which I really resonate with. "Wondering what relationship stage you're in right now?  Here are the nine relationship stages that all couples go through, not how love starts." "Relationships are unique.  No one experiences love in the same way." "You may have been in several relationships in your life, and every relationship is unique.  But there are a few traits that are in common with every relationship." "Relationships, just like life, h

When You Transition . . . Everyone You Know Transitions, Too

When You Transition . . . Everyone You Know Transitions, Too Written By Corinne Goodwin in "The GAYJOURNAL Magazine" I began my so-called "path to transition" at the age of 55.  That is when I finally said the words "I am transgender and I have to live authentically" out loud.  Of course, I knew that I was trans decades earlier.  I was not able to put a name to it, but I knew there was something different about me even before I started kindergarten.  I was a real hard charger who worke

Addictions

Would like to comment on two articles in the May/June 2016 issue of Lesbian Connection Magazine, on the topic of addictions.  Please note ALL the articles on addictions were EXCELLENT, but these two, in particular, resonated with me. "Last Fall I ended my 22-year relationship.  We had been in a civil union for the past 15 years, though things had not been very 'civil' for quite some time." "The very short version of the story begins with her back injury several years ago.  The resulting chronic

Bullying

Bullying Bullying is a problem for everyone, sooner or later, at every age and stage of life. Sometimes it's subtle and other times it's very direct. In short, a behavior becomes bullying when a person "triangulates," which means bringing one or more other person(s) in to act against the victim. Others may have behaviors we don't like, such as racism, but this is their problem, not yours.  However, we have a right and obligation (bystander) to call out bullies because it crea

The Importance of Community

As a cisgender Lesbian, the price for immediate interaction, as provided by the Internet, rather than meeting face to face, is a loss of community. It is important to maintain community.  In the age of the Internet (especially social media), cell/smart phones, and other technology, it is becoming more and more difficult. In the Lesbian community, as I am seeing Lesbians approaching gaining their full civil rights, I am seeing less community. Presently, I only see Lesbian Connection and Golden Th

Is A Transwoman The Same as a Cisgender Woman?

There has been an argument in the Lesbian community for decades about whether transwomen are the same as cisgender (born female) women. The argument goes, "the transwoman has not suffered GROWING UP in a misogynist (woman hating) society." My answer is that it takes courage to transition from a man with male privilege to a woman in a misogynist society. So, BOTH are to be commended. In both the cisgender woman and the transwoman, I sense the female energy, that they BOTH had from birth

On Turning Sixty . . .

Looking back, I accepted my birthdays quite happily and proudly except for the last year before the decade turned and the first year of the new decade. For instance, I grieved turning 19, as I knew this was the last year I could call myself a teenager, and grieved a little more at 20, as I knew I was not only no longer a teenager, but never will be again. This happened at ages 29 and 30, as I knew I was leaving "young adulthood" behind. Again, at ages 39 and 40, I knew I was defin

A Supportive Article in the July/August 2015 Lesbian Connection . . .

Today, I came across a moving and beautiful article by a reader of Lesbian Connection . . . "I am 64; I was born female and I have been Lesbian identified since I was 19 (soft butch).  I was active in the Gay Rights and the Women's Rights movements.  It is now 2015, and many things have changed." "I am weary of the ANTI-TRANSWOMEN words I keep reading here, and I'm having a hard time with some of the more caustic comments!  I have not heard anybody say whether or not these women are actually tra

The Differences Between Tomboys, Butch Lesbians And Transmen

Especially early in life, it is difficult to tell tomboys, butch Lesbians and transmen apart. This demands that parents and other caring individuals develop strong observational skills and to learn all they can about parenting. Parents and other caring adults, such as aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles, grandparents, teachers, and coaches help the child build a foundation that will serve the child for the rest of his or her life. The tomboy cycles rapidly between male and female energies

The "New" Friendship

Some people feel there is a new definition of friendship:  persons can be friends even if they never met face-to-face or even spoke on the telephone, such as Internet "friendships." They argue the old definition of friendship, such as knowing each other's personal information (first and last names, home addresses and telephone numbers) and regularly entertaining each other in each other's homes), no longer holds true in today's day and age. In my opinion, I think some people are confus

Demisexuality

My Dear Friends, When I learned about demisexuality, (here at TGGuide!), I was really excited because it described me to a 'T'!   Demisexuality, in my opinion, is not about sexual orientation, but about a person's APPROACH to sexuality, no matter what their sexual orientation is. It is "one step up" from asexuality, in that a demisexual is not easily aroused, because it takes time for the demisexual to get to know the person before becoming aroused. A demisexual is defined by a person who is sex

What is Important in a Relationship

What is Important in a Relationship What I have noticed is that many people create their own loneliness either by not being mindful of what they are looking for in a partner or what they can offer to a partner. Many people think that love just "happens," to them ("you'll know you're in love when it happens to you," as my dear Mother used to say, may God rest her soul). Here's an example, based on my own life, and I recommend people to make such a list so they can be more aware of

Seattle Fact Finding Trip

Dear Friends, Am going on a fact finding (but still fun!) trip to Seattle to see if I should continue on the 2 - 3 year wait list I have been on to get into Seattle Public Housing.   Hope to upload useful information every day, including pictures.   Presently the public housing I am in (Dutchess County, New York State - although it has shown improvement recently, it is still very trans and homo phobic), and the housing itself is going very quickly downhill.  Of course, it is unrea

How To Survive The Holidays

In my opinion, there are three kinds of people when it comes to celebrating the holidays.  The first group of people had wonderful memories of the holidays.  Even if they came from dysfunctional families, sometimes all the dysfunction stops during the holiday, and, however so briefly, everything is "normal," or even idealistic during the holiday, before returning to the dysfunction of everyday life.  Often, as adults, they strive to recreate these idealistic holidays they enjoyed as children, w

Open And Closed Rejection

Everyone, and I mean everyone, no one is immune, experiences both open (obvious) and closed (not so obvious) rejection in their lives, through all stages of their life, starting in the very earliest years. The reality is not everybody likes and/or loves you, but there will be some who do. The secret is to focus on those who do, and inoculate yourself from those who don't, thus removing their power to hurt you. Examples of open rejection are: Owner of a small restaurant saying they are c

Rocky Garden (My First Poem in Decades)

Rocky Garden First saw a 12 year old girl Working on her large garden by herself Six to eight hours a day Moving heavy rocks to build up her garden Mother shouts to her father to come, please help her He works beside her for a few hours That summer was a drought Her garden burns in the heat   Next year, at age 13 She builds up her garden further Having bags of topsoil and gravel delivered Enlarging her already large garden Separating her vegetables by a wall of stone Proudly sharing her vegetabl

Should You Move?

Recently I commented on someone's post about being bullied, and, literally, I was bullied in the public library by two teenage girls only 15 minutes later! That evening, I called a T/LGB Warmline to discuss this idea further. First of all, I believe, due to the current Administration, that T/LGBs will encounter an increase in bullying, no matter where they live. The first thing is that you deserve to be welcome, not just tolerated.  Be sure your overall situation improves with eac

Making The Most of Internet Dating

The two most popular "free" dating websites are OkCupid ("OkC") and Plenty of Fish ("PoF"), with feedback from people preferring PoF over OkC because PoF has a higher number of members.  Remember, you are PAYING for the so-called "free" websites by giving them your private information (check their terms of usage) and they accept advertising that usually shows up on sidebars and above and below their content.   Be aware that when you "delete" your profile, often it is not removed.  Be prepared to

The Body Map

Please allow me to explain what a body map is. Many are familiar with the concept of an amputee having the feeling of where the toes or fingers of their missing limb are, and feeling as if the missing limb is present. When some FTMs stand before the mirror and as they relax, they can see the outline of their male body, such as how tall they are, the thickness of their arms and legs, how broad their chest is, the features of their face and the shape of their privates. They can also tell how

Lesbians Getting "Real" - Together . . .

The other article on Lesbian Connection that hit me between the eyes was about relationships.   ""Where are all the 'real' women?"  "I just want someone to be honest and authentic!"  "No one I meet knows how to listen and go deep!"" "We offer dating and relationship classes for women, and it's amazing how often we hear this kind of thing from the Lesbians we work with.  We have some good news, and some bad news.  First - what you find out there is pretty much always a reflection of what you're b

Two Beautiful, Supportive Letters in Lesbian Connection . . .

Friends, Found two very supportive letters in the May/June 2015 issue of Lesbian Connection, and I will keep the authors anonymous. Slowly but surely, transwomen who identify as Lesbians are making progress . . . "My heart was crushed when I read in Lesbian Connection (LC): 'Currently, persons with Y chromosomes and intact male genitals want to attend, and in misogynist, anti-feminist ways they are attacking the (Michigan Womyn's) Festival . . . ' A misogynist is, by definition, 'a pe

My Response To A Young Gaymale . . .

Friends, Was deeply moved when, while surfing the 'net, I came across a blog from a young Gaymale who wanted to no longer be a Gaymale. We ALL want to, on occasion, to "quit ourselves." NO ONE IS EXEMPT. It is OK to "shut it down," for a limited period of time, "give it a rest," to let our minds clear, to reassess WHAT KIND OF PERSON we want to be. Would have liked to beg him NOT to run away from himself, as that invites guilt and shame into one's life. Even though this blog addr

Living Apart Together (LAT) - A New Kind of Relationship

Learned about the concept, "Living Apart Together," (LAT), when I was surfing the 'net for "couples living apart happily," as I love my apartment and my town, Beacon, but miss having a woman (I am a cisgender Lesbian) to love and care about, because my community (Dutchess County, NY) is very TLGB-phobic.  My additional reasons are that I am a loud snorer, and have some other habits that I am too embarrassed to talk about.   Interestingly, "Living Apart Together," (LAT) came up.  Most of the info

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