Wow So much has happened in the last year (since 5/1/2014) the day first saw my therapist and she said those fateful words “oh it sounds like you may be transgender.” I’d never heard those words before. But those words that have turned my world upside down. No actually they have turned my world upside right, but have turner everyone else’s upside down.
So here’s what has happen since I heard those words On May 31st came out to my wife Sometime in July, finally said I might be transgender. August 29th went to my first Trans Support Group August 30th came out to my health coach October said that I am transgender November 2nd came out to my colorist November 10th met a trans friend November 17th came out to my doctor November 17th started wearing nothing but women’s clothes every day About November 20th stopped having migraines November 19th came out to my nail girl December 3rd came out to my massage therapist December 3rd through January 31st came out to about 25 sales women About January 1st stopped taking all medications, sleeping pills, muscle relaxers, or antidepressants January 10th saw new therapist January 11th got fitted for my first bra January 31st told 2 women at blood bank About February 1st totally accepted and even embraced the fact I am transgender. February 2nd came out to friend in Texas (1st guy) February 18th told my new doctor January 28th told 2 more women at blood bank March 16th came out to my cousin March 28th came out to my daughters March 28th through April 30 came out to 10 other sales women April 22nd met a new friend and she totally accepts me for me April 25th came out to my best friend (2nd guy)
So now today I don’t hate myself. I don’t hate the fact I am transgender. In fact I love me for who and what am, and that’s a transgender woman. On the day you I firs heard “you may be transgender” and there was a magic pill I could take to make me not be trans, I would have taken it in a heartbeat. 3 months ago I am not sure I what would have done. Today I am not taking it and there’s no way you can force it down my throat. I used to look at it as a curse, but now see it as a blessing. I would not want to be not trans because I would not just lose part of me, I would lose me.
I am so much a peace with who and what I am I have not taken any numbing medications(sleeping pills, muscle relaxers, or antidepressants ) in over 4 months and have only had 1 migraine in 5 last months. I think that’s really awesome. It’s not that I feel better than I ever have it that I feel alive for the first time. So today I say I am transgender,
YES I AM PROUD TO BE TRANSGENDER!! “oh it sounds like you may be transgender.”
Hugs, Dawn Lynn PS by the way the translation “oh it sounds like you may be transgender.” for me is "of course you not a sick disgusting pervert" which is what I thought for most of the first 55 year of my life" So in essence those words have freed me from my self made prison I spent my whole life in.
Friday I was fitted for my first bra. I really can't believe I did it. I went into the store and sheepishly asked to be fitted for a bra. All the ladies in the store were also wonderful. I did get fitted(I am a 44B) . Then they helped me find several bras to try on, When I tried the first one on, and put my top back on, I almost cries as looked in the mirror , I had a chest (thanks to my mam-boobs) a small one but a chest non the less. I did buy a bra and wore in out of the store, I felt so wonderfully feminine as I walked out of the store. The picture is me, all me. :)
So one one hand not much has changed, I still totally presenting as male no one is ever going to mistake me a female. Or maybe more correctly stated everyone will mistake as male.
Yes I do where nothing but women's clothes now but they are gender neutral, and no one can tell unless they look really close. In fact I ushered at church Christmas Eve, and the day before, Christmas Eve. And no one knew it. But I did. But I did and it felt wonderful. It's so true what they say a new outfit can change a woman's whole mental outlook, it sure did for this woman. Which is really getting more in the the other hand.
Back to the first hand. I've not started to HRT yet, and very likely will not. While I would love to completely transform my to be more correct and match my mind, I still love my wife very much and want to be there for her. So I didn't know until recently that I've been in transition for a long time. As I been shaving my body and getting mani-pedis with color polish on my toes for a few years, so technically all of those things transitioning at least to my understanding.
Now back to the other hand. My mind has changed so much. I used think I was a crossdresser, and was sick and there was something really seriously wrong with me. I hated myself, basically all my life. The shame I had was so deep and so wide. But now that I come to terms with who and I what I am, I feel so much better about myself, I no longer hate myself, I think I may come to love myself, and that may happen sooner than later. That right there makes me stop. LOVE MYSELF, REALLY?
It is so freeing to know I am not sick and there's nothing wrong with me. I am just a woman doing things that women do.
So Its been interesting hearing what other women have had to say to me. My massage therapist said " I very obvious how real and important this is to you, because when you talk about it you jusr like up" She is so right. Then the woman who colored my hair said "you just seem so very happy talking about all this" Both women were right on. The thing I love the most is these women and other women treating me as one of them. I've got to tell you an other funny story. My health coach who was the first one, other than wife wife and therapist(that's not massage therapist). She was taking my measurements, to check my progress. I asked her about bra size, as how figure out what size i was.Well she though I was asking her bra size and she just told me, Later I said to her "Do you know how I know you think of me as a women, when I ask about bra size and you just flat out told me , there no way you'd do that with a man" she laughed and said "you're so right"
So anyway I am not sure how this is all going to turn out for me. Or for my wife and daughters? My wife is still having a really hard time with this. My daughters do not know yet, I'm dying to tell them but my wife doesn't want me to, so I have not. The hard part is I still love my wife very much and she still love me very much. I don't want to do anything to hurt her. I want to be my best for my wife and daughters and myself. And I really fell that means becoming the woman I've always been,
I think girls will accept me much more easily than my wife is. I can totally understand her having a hard time, if she came to me and said she was a man, I know I have a really hard time with that.
Okay that's enough for now more to come,
So where do I start? So many things have changed for me the last few months.
So 3 weeks ago I came out to my massage therapist. She was so cool about. She ask lots of good questions and was over all very interested in it all. That was all cool in and of it self, but when I saw her the next time she talk to me as if we were girlfriends, I felt so accepted as a woman. It was fabulous.
Then later that week I was having my second laser hair removal on my face, The woman who did the treatment I'd come out to her the first treatment. So when the treatment was over we were chatting, I commented on the necklace she had on how pretty it was. She asked if I wanted to try it on.When I put it on she said looks good on you keep it, it yours.
Then yesterday I had my makeup done for the first time. Okay let me clarify I had my makeup done lots and lots of times. But that had always been when I thought I was a crossdresser. Yesterday was the first time I ever had my makeup done as women, meaning thinking of myself as woman. You may not think that's a big deal, but it was, to me at least. I always loved getting my makeup done. But yesterday it felt so much better.(I didn't have the feeling in the back of my head WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!?) It was wonderful.
So the big that's changed for me, is how a feel. 1) that I have come to terms with the fact I am a transgender woman. 2) that gilt, and shame are a lot less, I no longer think I'm some sort of sick pervert. I am just a woman, doing things that women do.
There a part of me that want to just come out and say this is me take it or leave it, if you don't want to be my friend any more, that's cool. I still need to be who I'm, if you change your mind you know where to find me.
I am Dawn Lynn,
I am a transgendered woman. I still have a hard time saying that. As I'm still just starting to coming to terms with it. I have been a lifelong crossdresser, and I thought that's all I was, I'd never knew what the term transgender was, and that it even applied to me, That is until I started seeing a therapist about 5 or 6 months ago.
I started to dress when I was about 5 or so. I always liked no loved girls and everything about them, I wished I could wear the pretty clothes and be one. I remember in school on picture day, all the girls would wear pretty dresses, and we (the boys) would wear just shirts and ties (boring), was so jealous of the girls.
I was always very ashamed of myself, because of my dressing. And because of my shame I never dated, well I had one date my sophomore year of high school. Even though most of my friends where girls, I knew (in my mind) no girl would want to be my girlfriend, so I just never asked. I mean what would the point have been, why I would have wanted to add the pain on rejection, to my misery.
So my misery reached a breaking point in 1991/92. I was at my friend’s home during the holidays. Seeing him with his wife and kids. I knew that was something I would never have. So I planned to take my life in January or 92, Well I got help and didn’t. More on that later.
So I started to feel better about myself. I met my wife August of 92 we married in June of 93, and our first daughter in March of 94 the second in May of 96. So I went from being suicidal to being married in 18 months, being a dad in 10 months later, and a second child in 26 months after that.
Now for most of the last 21 years I’ve been able suppress my need to dress. But over the last year the need has gotten much stronger. And with that I stared to see a therapist, she’s helped me to see, that I’m transgendered.
In (only) one respect am I a typical male (I love women). But when I see a nicely dressed, good looking women, I will first see what she is wearing, her makeup and hair. And I think I’d love to look like that and or I love to wear that. Or if she overly had up with too much makeup or is wearing something that just doesn’t go together, I would think I wouldn’t wear that. After all that I’d think about if I was attracted to her or not.