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Update - Anxiety

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I haven't posted in a while. I don't know why exactly. I've been in a rut this summer.

The intense anxiety that I experienced in April came back on Tuesday. I had it all day into Wednesday morning. Almost went to the ER. I cried all day long. I did get Xanax and Zoloft. It will take a couple of months to get my levels right, I'm sure. I feel better at the moment, but it comes and goes. I had problems on Thursday, Friday and today.

I know what the reason is. Gender Dysphoria. I don't know exactly what triggered it. However, I did spend time out this weekend, had a great time but had to go back to guy mode in order to go to work. So the reason is clear. I need to transition to full-time at some point.. The meds are just bandaid.

So I had a long talk with my wife. I told her that I will need to transition earlier. She cried. But I told her that eventually this will kill me. The meds are just a bandaid to get by. She agreed. We talked about telling her family, our children, my work, about her getting a job, neighbors, me possibly moving out, surgery, finances. It was a tough, tough conversation. She did so well though. She is so calm, understanding an smart which is amazing considering what we discussed.

Well I need to get to bed. I'll post more later.

Love you all!

Lisa


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Posted

Lisa,

I can't imagine going through this with a spouse, but if there's anything I can do to help please let me know :)

Having gone full-time as a woman now for about a month and a half I can say that it makes a huge difference, i've never been happier and more positive in my life.

Good luck!

Xoxo

Christie

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Hiya Lisa. I Came-Out, as Transsexual, to My Wife, on 30th. April, 2015,  and I started Fully, Full-Time, Female-Dressing, and Living, on 1st. May, 2015. I have known, since I was 3 Year's of Age, that I Am Female, Trapped, in A Male Body. I have always hated My Male Part's, and I wish I could wake up in the Morning's, and that they were no longer there.  My Transsexuality was Officially Registered, at My Doctor's, on 25th. June, 2015, and on that same date, My Doctor's Registered it Officially, at London's Charing Cross Hospital - Gender Identity Clinic. I want to Fully Transition, including Gender Reassignment Surgery.  Coming-Oout, was like having a Massive Weight, Lifted-Off Both Of My Shoulder's !  I Am so much Happier, Now, than I have Ever been before !  Lisa, it is such a very hard thing to do, to Come-Out to a Spouse, and Family, and Friend's !  My Marriage, is Only alive on paper, and We have 3 Special-Needs-Children, so just for the time being, We are still under the same roof. She however, has been cheating on Our Marriage, for over 22 Month's, with other Men, and Women !!  My Friend's have stuck by Me like glue, and Er-Indoors hates that fact. But then, I Am in the wrong for criticising anything that She says or does. Funny That, as I Am the one who does All the Washing; Washing-Up, and Drying-Up; Vacuum- Cleaning; and Most of The Cooking, ( A Woman's Work, Is Never, Ever Done ! ), whilst She Messages on Her Phone, mainly to other Women !  Lisa,  the sooner that You are Full-Time, the Happier I think it will make You feel.  The Gender Dysphoria, can be Nasty. I Now go One Night a Week, to Pink Punters, which is a Lesbian; Gay; Bisexual; Transgender; Club. It is in a place called Fenny Stratford, which is about 20 Miles, from where I Live, here in the UK. Lisa, try finding somewhere like that, which is Fully Welcoming and Accepting, of Transsexual People, Etc. You might find that it Helps !  Lisa, Good Luck, Take Care, and Like Christie said, if I can also help, Please let Me know, and Ibwill try. With My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xoxoxoxo 

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Bandaids' eventually in this context stop working and give way to you needing to make a decision to continue life unhappily or to take a step towards your true self. What your true self is can only be learned by being completely honest with yourself. Is transitioning right for me or can I find solus in dressing female? This is best done (and I am sure you know this) by working with a therapist that understands the nature of transgender.

When my time came I was unwavering in my decision unlike many who struggle coming to terms with what path to take. This decision was a long time coming and just knew it was the right path else I would had would be going though life living a lie. One might think they can get by wearing female clothing and it may be right but if over time it's not and you should had transitioned one might find it is too late for whatever reason and that leads them to that dark place which there may be no returning from. There are countless stories written that tell a sad tale in that the person that did not make a firm decision loses hope, goes into despair on a downward spiral that might lead to one taking their own life, it is that profound what the brain of a transgender can do.

Make your choice now before it gets to that dark place.  

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Thank you everyone for your support!

Steph, it sounds like you have a more difficult situation than I and have pushed ahead with your life. I agree, I do need to get out more often.

Karen, I am on the path to transition, starting April 2015, and was planning on going full-time in August / Sept 2017 around my 45th birthday (I thought that it would be appropriate). I wanted to take my time due to expenses, hoping to potentially find a better work situation and to give myself time to adjust and learn what it is to be female. Also, I wanted to get a lot of the laser / electrolysis out of the way before FFS surgery, since technically, I need to stop 2 weeks before and 6 - 8 weeks after. That seems to be going well. I was going at it aggressively, but there were several weeks this summer I didn't go. Most of my face is clear since starting in April. Hoping that by the end of the year / early spring I'll be able to go only once every other week, instead of once a week. I've only been on Estradiol for 5 months. I also want to give my body time for those to work. Further, my mom is planning on moving near me at the end of 2016 / 2017. If there should be any issues with housing, she will be able to help me out at that time. However, after what happened, I may need to do this earlier regardless of all of these well laid plans. What I am afraid of, and this is what I've told my wife, is that this will overwhelm me regardless of whether or not I am on medication. I could end up in the hospital or worse. So, I need to see how things go. I can tell already my meds need to be upped. So that's going to take a couple of months at time to do that.

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