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Putting Myself In Their Shoes and Talking About How I Found Out About My Gender Identity



    So, I have been told quite a few times to put myself in my parents shoes. And I have been. I am trying my best to view things from their..eh, what word could I use? Perspective? I'm not quite sure, I'm not good with words. But anyways.  I can understand that something like this is hard for them, considering that they were born in a completely different time. So I know I have to be easy with them, but at times it can be hard because my parents want everything to be their way. If things don't go their way they get upset.

    I don't try and talk with them about it only because I get nervous and break down easily. And my mom is always staring at me which makes me extremely uncomfortable. She never looks away, she just stares at me with her cold, blue eyes. I have tried talking with her a few times but it is hard for me to talk about my problems and how I feel because I always kept to myself.

    I have struggled with my gender for awhile. I can't really remember what age I was when I felt the need to be male, but I was a kid so whenever I thought of something about myself I just tried my best not to focus on that. I focused on trying to please my mother and father but that didn't really work. As I got older and older I struggled more and more with myself. I was always so insecure and bashful about my face, my body, my voice. All of that. I was never comfortable with myself. When I got to the ages of 11-13 I began to self-harm. I grew depressed, I always spent time in my room away from my family and barely left the house. And I still am like that, but the self-harming is getting better. I have been clean for a few months and the cuts on my legs are beginning to heal.

    In the seventh grade towards the end of the year I went to my friend Haylee and pulled her aside and said. "Haylee, I have to tell you something." And so she looked at me and waited. And I built up my courage to say "I think I might be a FtoM Transgender..." and we talked about it, she tried helping me with dysphoria and also tried to find me some support groups. And we talked about it a lot. She still does. 

    When I go back and ask her how she felt and what she thought when I first told her she said to me "I wasn't really that surprised to be honest. I just kinda already knew." And so that's how that went.

    I do research on things, and I am also in counseling with a wonderful guy. We talk about a lot of things such as what goes on at home and how I am doing so I am getting the help I have been in need of for such a long time. 

    I understand I am still young and have a long life ahead of me, and I need to think about things carefully because I dont want to end up doing something I regret. But I'm fighting to move forward, I'm keeping my head held high and I'm trying to find out who I am and sort this whole thing out. 


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There is a book called True Selves that is geared towards adults coming out but might be of use to you too. In Portland Oregon (where I am) there is a place called the Q Center which has programs for trans youth, perhaps there is one in your town.

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Hiya Jack. I Am glad that the counselling is Helpful, to You. The Great thing is that You have Your friend Haylee, who You are able to openly talk to. ( I Have got My Best Mate, who I speak with, normally 4 or 5 times, every week, by Phone. He lives about 25 Miles away, but We have been Mate's since We were both Young, and Best Mate's for at least 32 Year's, and We both trust each other Fully. We always have done ! )  Jack, if You can keep That sort of Friendship, with Haylee, a Life-Long one, that will be excellent. Jack, as You are doing Research on the Subject, have You asked Your Counsellor, if He knows any support group's, near You, for FtoM Youth ? It Is just an idea Young Man. ( Myself, for support, I go to a Lesbian; Gay; Bi-Sexual; Transgender/Transsexual Nightclub. I can get support from Member's of Their Transgender Advisory Group, and other MtoF Transsexual People there ! ) We All need some support whilst Transitioning. Jack, if You stay in touch with TGGuide, and You need any advice, and/or help, this is a Brilliant place to try. Please don't self-harm again. ( I tried the "S" word, 3 times, in a 7 1/2 Year Period.  I Promise I will Not ever go there again ! ).  Since I Came-Out as Transsexual, I have had a lot of Friend's, who are supporting Me, and one Good Friend, She is turned 80 Year's of Age, and She understands All about My Transsexuality. ( Bless Her ! ) Jack, You said You hold Your Head High. Well be Very Proud of that Young Man. You said about "The Icy Stare's", well I have No contact with My Parent's whatsoever, and have Not done so, for almost 18 Year's.  My Mother tried to interfere with My Life, right into Adulthood. Jack, You just keep that level head Young Man, and Please keep Your Friendship with Haylee special. Jack, have a Good Evening, Take Care, and My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. 

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I second Karen's book recommendation and would add Janet Mock's "Redefining Reality" - it's her story, and as she also came out when she was young you may find some helpful stuff.

I'm not sure I agree with the notion of putting yourself in someone else's shoes, I don't think that's realistic in most cases (especially when it's your parents), my thought is just to be patient and understand that it will take some time if they're going to come around, and you can't predict how long (my brother accepted my transition within a week or so of finding out, my sister still hasn't after several months - i would have guessed the opposite).



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