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transgender If you are transgender you can run but you can't hide

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i remember when i first realized that i wasn't like my brothers, that i was like my sisters. it seemed like a delicious secret  but .it didn't take too long for that delcious secret to become a nightmare. By age 5 i prayed that God would make me a girl (i still do). From age 8 until i was18 i dressed in my sister's clothes daily. It always felt soo right to be wearing girl clothes and always i felt calm, the only time in my days when i did feel calm. Until was 11 i thought that i was the only one like me. At age 11 I read about Jan Morris and for the first time i thought that maybe i wasn't alone.

When i turned 18 the impossibility of being me was overwhelming, everyday all day i would see other girls and ladies and feel the pain of not being able to be openly like them. i became angry at being trans and even hating me being me. In the next years i ran from me fell in love, got married had 4 children earned 2 degrees all the while hating the best part of me and always when i would pause i would feel the same pain of not being me only every day every year the pain grew worse, it still does. 

For those of you who are young and hesitating to transition please do whatever it takes to transition. You can run from being trans but it won'ty go away. YOU CAN"T RUN FROM THE BEST PART OF YOURSELF no matter how hard you run or how faryou run. Please don't be cowardly like me and find yourself at 59 years of age hurting soo badly because you need to be the woman you were born to be. May we all love the person we are and be willing to do what it takes to be true to ourselves everyday of our lives. i fear that for me it probably is too late but there are some wonderful things that have happened to me. My maternal instinct makes me an outstanding special educator and i now have grown to love the girl i am.

 

To any who might be reading this, please know that you and i are friends whom i haven't met yet. i will love you forever.

 


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Posted

I can relate to much of what you're saying. I think most of us can. We've tried to fight against our inner identity, and failed. It won't go away. For me, it was all-consuming. 

I'm glad you're here now, ready to embrace and enjoy the integration of your whole being. Wishing you all the best in your journey. 

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Miss Lori i wish that i had half as big a heart as you have. One day i want and need to be a girl who opens her arms and heart to others, a girl like you ma'am.:wub:

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Hi Kimmi, 

I don't know that it's ever too late. It's a tragedy that we live in a society that condemns people for being who they are. I'm CD myself and only now at age 75 and widowed am I able to dress freely--in the house anyway. ​Maybe you will still have the chance to be the woman you are. You still sound like a lovely person no matter what.

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Love the name, kimberlyann. Please embrace your own advice and that best part of you. You seem very loving and she needs you. Being intersex rather than transgender, I believe in different shades of femaleness and maleness, a continuum or spectrum rather than identity or even physicality always being binary. Your inner femaleness sounds particularly strong, heartfelt, and precious, always there as you or a big part of you. It's not too late, but whether a full transition or not, she seems thirsty for others to know and love her for who she is.

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