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Transistioning Without Hormones?

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As I write this post, I wonder how many different directions it can go.

You know I don't often jump into the cat fight between the transsexual and transgendered camps. I don't have time for the bitterness.

Speaking of bitterness I surfed across a blog that one of you may have seen. Of course I can't seem to back track to where I saw or read it. The main point of the transgendered woman's post was disagreeing with a "gold star" transsexual view of basically the rest of us poor transgendered "wanna be" women.

The definition of a "gold star" transsexual is a person who assumes the female gender and is absolutely gorgeous. (basically)

Since I fall into the category of the poor downtrodden transgender "wanna be", I started to think of how I really felt about the situation.

I know no matter how long I try and how many hormones I take I will never achieve the "gold star" status. I feel so very fortunate to be able just to interact in the world as a female as much as I do.

Also, when I read or hear a "gold star" put herself up on a lofty pedestal, I always believe somewhere in their male past they always wanted to be really good at something. That something just happened to be a beautiful looking female. Maybe they are just are the best looking guy in the room. (I've told you in the past I knew someone like that.)

That is just me playing in both sides mud hole and I'm moving on. Life is too short for their petty arguments.

The discussion does raise other personal questions however.

As I have posted in the past, I really wonder where my "internal transition" fits with either group. In response I asked my therapist what she thought. What did she think about my recent subconscious feminine reactions to movies, music. language etc. Obviously without hormones.

My psychologist brought up the "gender cube". Basically, the cube lists nearly 30 different sexual/gender combinations from "straight hetero male" to whatever. When I bypassed the transgendered categories altogether and identified with a masculine feminine female; she simply said I had been burying my true self. My inside self just had never had the need to transition. Just being open to who I really am (I realized) was transitioning without hormones.

By now, you are wondering what point am I trying to make.

Since I am not planning on any radical surgery, will the "gold stars" ever accept me as much of a woman as they are? (Even though I am feeling more and more as one?)

How many of them are still really just guys who became enamored with the pretty girl in the mirror and simply went for more?

Better yet...who cares? I guess sometimes I do!




3 Comments

Posted

I often wonder at what point one can consider their life complete , never mind the politics involved with the idiosentric idealogs believing that they are complete after FFS and GRS and Body conturing, a person never truly completes anything now do we , at the end of our lives we look back and wish we could have done more ... I believe the persute to happiness is completed when one can look into the mirror stair into your own eyes and see the spark that drove you to achieve this wonderous achievement .... I look into the mirror and catch glimpses of my spark yet to find it gone in an instant , I must say though through out my transition , both before HRT and after My perspectives upon my life has changed yet my joys grow and happiness shines brighter within .

I know that others will spend a life time searching even after all the transitional stuff is complete yet they still find a blank stair looking back upon them selves from the same mirror .

find who you are make that the goal nothing matters as long as you are filled with life's joys and happiness , it is out there for you to grasp and hold within you , never mind those critequing their perseption of your ideal life and where you will be happiest , they have no idea only you do . as far as a gold star they failed the test no gold star for them ...

Live a full and fulfilled life the only way you can , with love and support from those around you .

Hugs and best in your life journey .

Stephani

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Posted

The only thing I can see Gold Star status means is beauty on the outside and everyone is envious of it no matter your gender. However, what is most important is how one feels on the inside and how one treats those around them. Yes, I am envious of those gorgeous transsexuals and I had an opportunity to observe some of them for an evening not too long ago. I was at a club and was the only "crossdresser" there amongst quite a few TS sex workers and many men. One man came to sit with me and we talked. He wondered why I wasn't going around talking to the men and I said that if anyone wanted to talk to me they were free to come over I won't bite. He laughed. He told me that the last time he was at the club he had lightly touched one of the T-Girls on the shoulder and she got quite upset. He said because the music was loud he had just wanted to say something to her and didn't mean anything by the touch. I said I am not bothered by people touching me and everything is all about the intentions and where one is. I then turned to see one of the girls lifting up her t-shirt to show off your beautiful breasts and commented that it would be expensive for anyone to touch them. It was all about money. Not the way I would like to live. The guy who was talking to me flirted with me throughout the evening and we both were having a nice time so I took him back with me to my room. My point being, I most likely had a better time that evening than any of those Gold Star girls and I am sure the guy did too because of how I treated him.

It doesn't matter where on the cube or spectrum or whatever you want to call it you are it is about how you feel and what are your circumstances and a lot of factors. Do what you can to be happy at that particular time and don't lament too much on what others have or what you don't have.

Bonnie

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I reached a point of total acceptance of myself before I started hormones, I also felt that I had found the woman buried within me and I just needed to know it was ok. What convinced me to go on with hormone therapy was the knowledge that as I got older that I would age as a man and it would get more difficult as time went on as I was starting to lose my hair. However after my surgery I realized how much the medical community does not know what will happen next. There are many questions that remain. Many risks with each medical intervention. Because I finally accept myself I am more afraid of any further surgery because now I actually want to live! The combination of Mental Therapy along with Hormone therapy was a good balance for me. But it also important to be open to the consequences and permanent nature of the results. Acceptance means so much and First Impressions are very significant. It is far more possible to be accepted where people do not know ones past gender than when forced to confront family and friends of the past. What is really interesting is that through my own changes I have gone back to my home town and stood right next to people I have known for years and they did not recognize me. There is much peace about being able to start over. I believe that hormone therapy makes life easier in public not just about subtle physical changes but about human scent as well, hormone therapy changed the subconscious odor that is present in human beings different between men and women. When I was off estrogen for 3 months I noticed a difference in how my spouse reacted toward me. When I went back on hormones she became more separate from me and less interested, there was very little physical changes it was more about the smell. Anyway just a little food for thought. Hormones or no hormones should not stop anyone from doing there best to be themselves.

Amy

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