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I can measure up!!

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I know this is not a positive post, I feel like putting a *** under my chin and........

Poof ...Vanish...Who would really care????

I could not measure up to my mothers expectation for being her little girl; which got me beat and thrown out of the house.

I can not measure to my own expectations either. People tell me I'm a freak.. other people at church have called me he /she devil. I even feel that the demons in my head tell me, I can't measure up either.

I guess this stems from looking in the mirror, the reflection I see back is not one I like; that's why I cannot measure up to being a real woman. I know I was not born that way; I'm just tired of feeling so bad.

Sometimes I call this Pinocchio syndrome; he wanted to be a real little boy but he was a puppet.

I wanna be a real woman................

I guess a better name for it is, want to be. Maybe I shouldn't write this at all, however I know I am not alone on my feelings. I know I shouldn't feel bad for myself; but I do.

There's a song I listened to in one verse it says, " the best dreams I've ever had are the ones I'm dying in."

Sometimes I feel like these artists can see inside my soul.

I really don't wanna be this bleu. But something has really thrown me into a stupor, and I just can't take the negative talk anymore. Tired of not measuring up. I'm tired of building myself up; just to be torn down.

Since I believe in talking it out instead of acting it out; that's why I wrote this. So if I read it I'll try to make sense out of my own thoughts.

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The nurturing part of me surfaces... If you were my child I would hug you and let you know it's ok. It's ok to be different. It's ok to be special.

Wish I could make the "ugly" people shut the hell up. They say mean, hurtful things. Some of them just don't know any better. I don't know what to do about them. I do know what to say to you. Remember that you are special. Avoid the negative self talk and love yourself for being you.

Even though it's hard sometimes, you're not alone.

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Thank you very much for writing this Ms.Lori; it really makes a differance to me. I just when to a bad place for a moment.

This is why I don't like to be left alone

<I hope you understand this> the demons just creep in to my head and .....I wish I clould make them stop. any way I do appereciate your message and I try what you suggested

thank you >^.^< Peace Out

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