While making another large coffee to stave off the cold, I started this list of things I would need to feel right, look right and pass - as great a challenge as that is.
- Breast augmentation
- A complete wardrobe of femme clothes
- To know how to properly, subtly apply make-up
- Decent, maintained hairstyle/s
- Facial feminisation surgery
- Sexual reassignment surgery
- To lose a significant amount of weight
(Aside: Just having written that I went to the kitchen and returned with a plate of cheesy pasta. Yeah, I have no self control with food.)
What can I achieve now?
Not much. I have no-one that can teach me make-up. Though my Mum is totally accepting of who I am, she is an engineer. I have few friends as it is, truth be told, and none of those I regular see are female or femme. I do have one friend I could arrange to meet with but she's far from an expert herself. As for a haircut, I'm growing my hair out as much as possible and any style is going to slow that. Besides, I don't really have money for a regular style beyond a trim.
Surgery and hormones? Hah! I don't even know when my first appointment at Charing Cross is going to be, let alone when I'll get a hormone prescription. I certainly can't afford private care, and it could be years on NHS for the first cut to be considered.
What the hell do I do?