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Feels like the first time!

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I love sharing all of my little "first time" moments with you guys. I just had to share this: I don't know what song was playing in the car at the time, but a guy was singing about his hot girl in a tight white shirt sitting next to him, and after it was done I realized that the whole time I felt like he was singing about me. I was like, "Wow!" Now every song about a hot girl is about me!...I love it! I am having soooo much fun!

I also started looking at my ass and hips in the mirror everytime the opportunity presents itself. I used to rush through my shower time, now I take all the time in the world and enjoy myself, then take even more time for lotions and moisturizers. Another huge first, was while in the shower looking down and feeling ashamed. I NEVER, I mean NEVER, thought that I would say that. I don't know where that came from. I didn't expect that at all because I didn't think I minded having something down there still. I don't think I will mind keeping it, but I was a little surprised by my own inner disgust. I have been sitting down to go to the bathroom every time, partly because I don't want to see it. I was in denial over my shame for a while...like, "I am not ashamed of having that, I have no reason to be ashamed of it." Well, I have now come to accept my shame and now its becoming tough to get hard...but I haven't minded a bit. I am really hoping I can reach my first Super-O tomorrow and never have to mess around with it again.

The most shocking thing is how fast this is all happening. It must be a world record or something. I must say that I have never felt so great inside before in my entire life. I have to say that this is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I will admit, that when I realize these sorts of things and I get all giddy, there is this little voice that comes along and asks, "What if I have to go back to your former self?" That's sooo out of the question. I can't turn this off! I can't make this go away! I can't just stop being me! I know who I really am now...no doubt! In fact I am so pissed off that I couldn't have found myself much, much sooner!

I know what would make that damn voice go away...some DD implants! LOL! Also, if I get trapped into coming out because some people at work catch onto something, its totally over...I'll be at work the next day with a blouse, skirt, and heels...I might even have to go home early and come right back to work.

I am already working on making my breast size bigger (which means, >0). I am going to start off with some breast forms at a certain size, and then when I feel I am comfortable at that size, I'll get that size sewn on....that's at least a couple of years down the road though...but it sure is fun to think about now! The lady from the breast form store said to watch out with going with D's, and to be really careful about going DD or higher because I would draw too much attention.

She didn't scare me from the DD's but it really isn't about drawing attention or any of that. I just want to be comfortable in my body. I think D or DD should do the trick, but if it ends up being B or C, then so be it. I need to carry around some D's for a while to see how I handle them...I don't think there will be a problem!

The biggest thing bothering me right now is my voice at work. I have to play the part for now but I can't stand it! I noticed that I am talking with my hands a lot more, which I do like. My voice is a little softer now, but its nowhere near where it should be. I will be working on it, though!

I know I am jumping the gun by already planning for those sorts of things now. There is just so much to do. I would love to do without the hormones, but if I decide to do it, it won't be for a while. I don't know what to prioritize in this transformation. I am trying to do it all at one time. I am not sleeping enough because there are so many things to do and learn. I just can't wait until it all comes together. I know its going to take years but that's OK. I am just hoping that the rest of the journey will be this fun. I know its going to have it's good times and it's bad times, but at least for now I can say that I know who I truly am and I could never be anyone else, and I have never felt better.

xxx,

Amber


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