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Questions From Spouses/Significant Others Of A Person Who Identifies As A Transgender Person Or Is A Transitioning Transsexual

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In this post to my blog I am really interested in knowing what questions ran through a spouse's mind or that they asked out loud within the first month or two after their spouse came out to them and informed them of their being transgender or transsexual.  Rest assure that I can pretty much guarantee you that if you had/have a question them someone else has had it before you and someone else in the future will also have it after you.  From the questions that spouses/significant others of transsexuals or a transgender person post as comments to this entry, I will research to find as much information relative to and really do hope I can find the answers to them for you as well as well. If  anyone would like to comment on someone else's comment, I have no objection as long as it is a respectful and helpful comment.  Example Question:  Did I do something to cause my spouse/significant other to identify and transition to the same gender as me??? 


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Well the first quest was " ARE YOU GAY?" , my response was well yes I am a Lesbian, her response was " I Ain't!", well then I see problems a bruin is what struck my mind at that moment, but onward and upward we went Two hours of tears and questions.... then months of tears and questions, and then years of tears, and no more questions..... just unanswered sorrows.

So your question leads me to believe you have many answers to questions yet asked, Do you? lol, of course you do we all do, will those answers play out to the questions of the answers you should be looking for. I know that the years that I remained with my now Ex has many questions that the answers never matched up to, but what I have learned is that those questions are irrelevant now and need not be asked nor answered.

I tried for a long time after my final separation to figure out what I had done wrong in the whole scheme of things the answer I found within my own heart was I had done everything I could have she was gone the moment I openly told her, well not quite that moment because that talk would come seven years after the first time I told her who and what I truly was, ain't that a bite in the tail, seven more years before she would finally listen to me and hear what I had been telling her for years.

Question.... What does that Make You

Question.... What does that Make Me

Question.... Where does this Leave Us

Question... What am I suppose to Do Now

Question... What are You going to Do Now

Question... Are We Staying Together

Question... What will You do after You start " Transitioning "

Question... What am I suppose To do about the rest of the family

Question... What about Your Job

Question... Where am I suppose to Live

Question... Are You going To Leave Me for a Man(Woman)

Question.... Is This Your Way Out Of Our Marriage

Question... How Long Have You Been Planing This

Question... Why Did You Marry Me

Question... You Don'T Think Your Staying Here Do You

Ok here's just a start to the list that seems to never end but it will trust me it will end.

the next thing you'll see is your partner is no longer walking beside you and more to the side and behind you and your going to ask " why aren't you walking with me " " are you embarrassed to be seen with me ", the usual response, No I am just watching the peoples reactions to how womanly you are .... Yeah watch how twitchy she gets you'll know she's pushing a load your way.

Hugs

Stephani

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Good morning, Vanessadenise - Thank you for your blog entry. Questions, questions. My het mind was flooded with questions when J told me he wanted to be a female. With no previous clue at all that this was an interest of his, I was in complete shock. I felt betrayed. I had been with him for six years. We had a close companionship, a very good sex life, and so much in common...My first question was "What?"

Then came the "what does this mean?" "Are you gay" (answer no, but at that moment, I couldn't comprehend it any other way), and ultimately, "What does this mean to our relationship?" Unfortuantely, I had very limited resources available to answer my questions. I set out on my own journey to discover what it was all about, because I really am someone who needs to understand.

My journey took me in different/unusual directions for a het female, I think. I loved this pesron. But I realized I didn't know him. Not really. So getting to known him again was a focus for me in the relationship. To find out if we could expand our relationship ..and for me to encompass the new circumstances of it...was for me to discover. What I did, I am writing about. Have a blog at jackanddianestories.blogspot.

He, however, had his own journey ahead of him. He was too involved in his to pay much attention to mine.

I truly believe that communication, understanding and education is key. But both have to engage in the conversation. Deeply caring about someone (both parties need to have this for each other) can help it work. I am a believer in that.

There will be pain in the process most likely for both...but each eventually needs to be true to themselves.

Stephani made good points! I can understand the questions....I had some of them myself. Watching J transition for me was often an awkward situation, as I was trying to be supportive, and handle my own feelings too, watching him morph, and getting a lot of flack from people who knew us as to their own discomfort. Supportive friends and family would have helped a lot, but then...that was a lot to expect at that time. So again, I took my own journey of discovery in J's process of transition. I feel that all in all it made me a better person, just in lieu of understanding and awareness of the LGBT community that I did not have before this happened. But in other ways, too, which I will write about.

Thank you for your willingness to listen and answer questions!

hugs,

Greenshade

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