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My Story (Part 1)

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Hello,

I am Dawn Lynn,

I am a transgendered woman. I still have a hard time saying that. As I'm still just starting to coming to terms with it. I have been a lifelong crossdresser, and I thought that's all I was, I'd never knew what the term transgender was, and that it even applied to me, That is until I started seeing a therapist about 5 or 6 months ago.

I started to dress when I was about 5 or so. I always liked no loved girls and everything about them, I wished I could wear the pretty clothes and be one. I remember in school on picture day, all the girls would wear pretty dresses, and we (the boys) would wear just shirts and ties (boring), was so jealous of the girls.

I was always very ashamed of myself, because of my dressing. And because of my shame I never dated, well I had one date my sophomore year of high school. Even though most of my friends where girls, I knew (in my mind) no girl would want to be my girlfriend, so I just never asked. I mean what would the point have been, why I would have wanted to add the pain on rejection, to my misery.

So my misery reached a breaking point in 1991/92. I was at my friend’s home during the holidays. Seeing him with his wife and kids. I knew that was something I would never have. So I planned to take my life in January or 92, Well I got help and didn’t. More on that later.

So I started to feel better about myself. I met my wife August of 92 we married in June of 93, and our first daughter in March of 94 the second in May of 96. So I went from being suicidal to being married in 18 months, being a dad in 10 months later, and a second child in 26 months after that.

Now for most of the last 21 years I’ve been able suppress my need to dress. But over the last year the need has gotten much stronger. And with that I stared to see a therapist, she’s helped me to see, that I’m transgendered.

In (only) one respect am I a typical male (I love women). But when I see a nicely dressed, good looking women, I will first see what she is wearing, her makeup and hair. And I think I’d love to look like that and or I love to wear that. Or if she overly had up with too much makeup or is wearing something that just doesn’t go together, I would think I wouldn’t wear that. After all that I’d think about if I was attracted to her or not.


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4 Comments

Posted

Hello Dawn, I too love women most and to a small extent men. I also like to see what beautiful women wear or look like and try to match them. Dawn

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Hi Dawn,

My story parallels yours very closely. I had plenty of girlfriends growing up and in college but always knew I was hiding a powerful inner secret that had to remain hidden. So, while I loved them and enjoyed being with them I was unable to really be my self and despite their best efforts I would grow resentful and depressed, and break it off.

I do wish I was born female, and have wished this since I was about three years old. And I'm coming to terms these days with my desires but uncertain about "what I really am." It's a tough place to be, isn't it?

Anyway, thank you for writing your blog post and hope to see you writing more.

Best,

Emma

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Emma,

Hun, yes it is such a very hard place to be. As much as I don't like the way things are. If it were possible to take away my inner girl, I would not want that for then I really would be lost. She' is and aways has been a bigger part of me and who I really am, than my male self has ever been. I too have want to be a girl forever

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One can only come to terms with then self when one say this is Me and I am Myself.

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