So one one hand not much has changed, I still totally presenting as male no one is ever going to mistake me a female. Or maybe more correctly stated everyone will mistake as male.
Yes I do where nothing but women's clothes now but they are gender neutral, and no one can tell unless they look really close. In fact I ushered at church Christmas Eve, and the day before, Christmas Eve. And no one knew it. But I did. But I did and it felt wonderful. It's so true what they say a new outfit can change a woman's whole mental outlook, it sure did for this woman. Which is really getting more in the the other hand.
Back to the first hand. I've not started to HRT yet, and very likely will not. While I would love to completely transform my to be more correct and match my mind, I still love my wife very much and want to be there for her. So I didn't know until recently that I've been in transition for a long time. As I been shaving my body and getting mani-pedis with color polish on my toes for a few years, so technically all of those things transitioning at least to my understanding.
Now back to the other hand. My mind has changed so much. I used think I was a crossdresser, and was sick and there was something really seriously wrong with me. I hated myself, basically all my life. The shame I had was so deep and so wide. But now that I come to terms with who and I what I am, I feel so much better about myself, I no longer hate myself, I think I may come to love myself, and that may happen sooner than later. That right there makes me stop. LOVE MYSELF, REALLY?
It is so freeing to know I am not sick and there's nothing wrong with me. I am just a woman doing things that women do.
So Its been interesting hearing what other women have had to say to me. My massage therapist said " I very obvious how real and important this is to you, because when you talk about it you jusr like up" She is so right. Then the woman who colored my hair said "you just seem so very happy talking about all this" Both women were right on. The thing I love the most is these women and other women treating me as one of them. I've got to tell you an other funny story. My health coach who was the first one, other than wife wife and therapist(that's not massage therapist). She was taking my measurements, to check my progress. I asked her about bra size, as how figure out what size i was.Well she though I was asking her bra size and she just told me, Later I said to her "Do you know how I know you think of me as a women, when I ask about bra size and you just flat out told me , there no way you'd do that with a man" she laughed and said "you're so right"
So anyway I am not sure how this is all going to turn out for me. Or for my wife and daughters? My wife is still having a really hard time with this. My daughters do not know yet, I'm dying to tell them but my wife doesn't want me to, so I have not. The hard part is I still love my wife very much and she still love me very much. I don't want to do anything to hurt her. I want to be my best for my wife and daughters and myself. And I really fell that means becoming the woman I've always been,
I think girls will accept me much more easily than my wife is. I can totally understand her having a hard time, if she came to me and said she was a man, I know I have a really hard time with that.
Okay that's enough for now more to come,