Jump to content
Transgender Guide Message Board
  • entry
  • comments
  • views

An SO's (GG) Journey, The Other Side

Sign in to follow this  


It has been suggested that I start a blog, to hopefully help others that are going through what I have already, and what is a continuing journey, and for support for me, and my relationship. So here goes!

I have been married, for the second time, over 16 years. About 10 years into this marriage I found out, in an email, that my husband had another side to him that I never, ever had a clue about. In the email he gave several websites for me to go look at and read about who is was. He is a cross dresser.

I responded a lot with the typical responses, "Do you want to be a woman"?, "Do you want to be with a man"? "Do you still want to be married to me"?, along with many other questions and concerns. I also asked him why he didn't tell me about this before we married. He said it wasn't an issue then. I felt the normal betrayal and felt like I should have been given a choice to marry into this or not. I understand the fear of telling anyone, the fears of rejection, criticism, even abandonment. I recently found out that he wasn't afraid of me leaving at all, and that if I wasn't happy I should leave.

At first it was the "feel" of panties that he liked, said he did not need to fully dress, no makeup, wig, etc, just liked to wear panties, maybe go out dressed as a sexy nurse for Halloween sometime. With the suggestion of several sites and my therapist (that I was seeing due to another issue of trust between us), and himself, we set simple boundaries. No ruffles, or bows or really frilly panties, and definitely never in the bedroom. Then came the pushing of those boundaries to include frillier and frillier panties. I didn't like that the boundaries were pushed, but still none in the bedroom so that is where things stayed until about 6 mos ago.

I will continue with the last 6 months in another blog, out of respect for him/her, as my husband is on this site and he is telling his story in his own blog.

The hardest part of this for me for a long time was not being told before marriage. In my younger days I hung out with gay guys alot because they were safe for me. I even helped a dear friend go "out" for his first time, and he hit on the wrong person, and then said no, and ended up dead behind the bar that very night. So my main issue with this now is fear, fear for him/her when we go out with him'her being dressed. I'm a worrier anyway, and this is tenfold.

I just wish he/she could see that everything I do, I do for him/her. I'm not criticizing him/her, or trying to tear him/her down at all. Do I wish he didn't have to dress ever, yes, do I think he can, no. I don't want him/her to hide anything from me. I can be accepting. We all have this life we picture, but not all of what we fantasize is reality, I just want us to be happy with what we do have now, whether he's in guy mode or girl mode.

I welcome any comments, good or bad.

Thank you for reading,

Sign in to follow this  


Recommended Comments

Dear Sandi,

I think it's terrific that you're sharing this and, from my own experience, your feelings are very understandable. You and your husband were ten years older, more mature, and wiser than when you married. Hopefully you're both better able to be sensitive and understanding of each other's feelings and talk openly to each other.

Neither you or your husband wanted "this" but you each selected each other, maybe him you because he sensed that you might be accepting and remain loving, and you him because of an indefinable quality that you didn't find in other men.

The most important thing is for both of you to communicate. Easy to say, hard to do, without reacting. It's natural for us to be emotional, threatened, and hurt. I believe this also provides an opportunity for you both to deepen your relationship through building trust of vulnerability, acceptance of each other, and love.

I wish you both the very best,


  • Like 4

Share this comment

Link to comment

Hi SandCastle,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think it's great to get some perspective from the other side of the relationship, so I appreciate you posting here. I look forward to reading more.

Best wishes,


  • Like 3

Share this comment

Link to comment

I need to clarify something about an issue for him hiding it wasn't because he was afraid I'd leave. That did not factor into his reason for hiding it is all, he just wouldn't want me to stay in the relationship if I wasn't happy.

  • Like 2

Share this comment

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now