Today I received a call from a trans center; the person on the phone invited me to a group meeting at 4:00pm to 6:00pm. I called them about a month and a half ago, and didnot here a thing till today, 2/6/2012. So I got ready<as best I could> and I drove over to the adderess I was given.
I arrived a little before 4:00pm, about 10min early; So I desided to sit in my truck and see if I saw any other transfolkes. The reason I did this is, because I learned to be cautious as a serpent, yet mil
I thought, because I dressed like a woman every day that ment I was becoming a woman.I was wrong.
I will never be a real woman, and I know that now; yep thats right I'm a transwoman, and I proud to be one of the many!
Never again will hide myself, because I'm embarrassed of myself, and the way I look.
This took a lot time to come this realization, and I sure there is more to come. However this is a big step for me and my path toward to transwoman hood. I never want to fool anybody ever again
Well I just returned from the support group, and I can't believe it their just like me. I donot feel out of place there; just like I dont feel that way here at TGGuide.
OMG!! Some of those women are so pretty, and than others are just like me..homely lol I mean average. ops-y
They were talking I just kept my big trap shut.....and then one of the girls said," hay you have not said anything. Why?" I kinda pushed my hair in front of my face, and hung my head. I could not control myself....I start
Tomorrow I'm going to my first support group meeting for transwomen; this is at 14:00 hours. I'm down right scared, I'm really shy around people untill I get to know you.
<yep then you can't shut Plague up>
I guess when I get nervous I play round a bit much.
People are going to see me, and their going to think.... ? What a ugly..... ?
Maybe not; I don't really know,but no matter what, I'm going! I cannot let what other's think of me worry me.
I mean, I going out all over the place; as
Well what do I mean by the term, "cleaning out the closet" I mean the, "mental closet." This step is the most important one, that I found in my research, of how to transition from male to female.
I remembered a lesson, I was tought by a student of Bruce Lee's; who I was being trained by. He tought me to try to achieve the "oneness" this is where a person lines themself up, Physicaly,mentaly, and spiritual.This is very important, when learning any of the marshal arts.
So I trying to get in bala
I read a article, Ms. Beth had posted in the forum. The story was about a transwoman, who looked at her change as a blessing. After, meditating on this thought I too look at it as a blessing because, it makes us unique ie different; we standout from the crowd.
I always knew I was speical some how, but I just did not quite know how to express it; till I read that woman's story.
She helped me to see we are all special! How we need to support each other, love each other, and be there for each oth
Yep, it is the end of the year; Wow! Am I glad it is over! What a year I had. I got into legal trouble, lost my house, trucks and have to pay $200,000.00 restitution; Oh yes can't forget 5 years probation, and you have to pay that bill too.
I'm telling you, if this is not enough; then add the fact I have to live with in-laws for a while....
Pass the bullet! Please.
At my age most people are look'n ahead to the golden years. I'm look'n for a box, a hole,and dirt!
This year I also, decided to
The other day something happened to me? I just did'nt quite know how to take it? The reason is all my life I tryed to hide it.
However, I cannot do that any more. I FREAK-OUT when I saw that my chest grew a lot!
I guess I did notice it right a way? Now theres no hidding them I have girls now! I don't know if this has happend to someone eles ? I' mean I 'm not on hrt yet, and I not doing/taking anything to make them grow. I do take vitamins but that's it so, where did the girls come from???
I know this is not a positive post, I feel like putting a *** under my chin and........
Poof ...Vanish...Who would really care????
I could not measure up to my mothers expectation for being her little girl; which got me beat and thrown out of the house.
I can not measure to my own expectations either. People tell me I'm a freak.. other people at church have called me he /she devil. I even feel that the demons in my head tell me, I can't measure up either.
I guess this stems from looking in
Really sometimes I believe that we get gifts in the form of people. These are very special gifts, and their one's to be cherished not exploited.
Sometimes we don't see the gift that a person truly is;
theres only one thing to say then, shame on us!
Yes, it is true some people are very mean spirited; on the other hand, some people are very kind, and loving.
Discerning, this quilty is it's up to us, the person receiving gift, to open it, to appreciate it, and most of all to take care of it, f
I'm mad as hell and I ain't going to take this CRAP!!!!
I going to spew venom right now.....and it may upset you to read, so stop right here please.
However this is how I feel and I need a place to release my frustration!!!
What hell is wrong with medical system; everything has to have a dollar attached to it!!!
They say, "I care" I say, "Bull S**T!!!" Ya right, if you are someone rich, or famous maybe than the conversation would be like this "O..O....O just have a seat and I'll listen to y
Today I found it interesting I finally think I've gone crazy.....seriously!! I used to get so upset at people who would call me names. Today I was at the grocery store and these two guys called me a FAG!!!(sorry for the use of that word.)
I didn't even look at them I just started to laugh......out loud......I didn't even care..
This is not my usual response.
Usually I go off on somebody who called me anything.
However, these two guys just stood there and than; one of them said,"what's so f
Today started out not so good; first thing in the morning I got frustrated with myself! I couldnot find a dam thing GRRRRRR than thing got worse from that point! I went for my walk and almost fell flat on face,thank goodness I didnot,but I did through my back out!!!
However bad the pain was I kept walking, and get more angery untill I thought about how am I going to handle this junk. I know this is going to read strange, but I let my femininity take my thought process over ....when I finally
Yes friends did you know there's different types?? Well there is one type builds up a peson's
self-esteem, and the other destroys it! this not my opinion it is a fact.
There's two ways to look at criticism. The first way is to feel hurt and rejection.
Which makes you say to your self.. O you B=brat you want to tell me how to do this, or how I should act ,or look.
The other way is Wow, this person cares enough to help me to grow!! Yep that right,if i did care for somebody I would not say a wo
I'm going to start this part of the blog with a scenario........I'll tell you if it is true later.
Suppose you like to walk in the public park, at around 6:30-7:00am and someone in a car pulls in front of you and starts to make a spspspspsps sound at you. What would you do? How would you react?
How scared would you be?
I can't think of anymore questions to ask myself even though there are more.
Alright I tell you this is true; happend twice to me two days in a row. I becoming a little concer
If you, whoever you might be start to read this, please read "bump in the road first." So this part of the story will make more sense to you. Thank you.
Hope, is a funny thing and she can make you go loony looking for her however hard she to maybe to find don't stopping looking.
I know how hard she is to find from personal experance, and I almost gave in and up to hunt for her.
However, I'm sure glad I didnot, for God answered my prayers!!!
I have a real friend......she know who she is and
This blog is about my journey how my transtion is progressing well lousy; to sum it up in one word.
I have to remember that when you show somebody love you have to be ready for the pain of rejection.
I know that you can only control yourself and not the other person.
I'm being vague I know; this is because I have not spoken to the other person yet. Which is killing right now. I was just told she is up-set with me for some unknown reason to me? I don't even know if that true either??
Could be
Yes,
thats what phychiatrist told me today she said, "you might be bipolar;" does mean I'm crazy???
I don't know what to think anymore. So I went to google and looked up "bipolar" so I know what I'm dealing with.
No body tells this woman she's nuts ( only I can do that.)
Now, I kind of understand why I have high and lows ; o good god, the lows are the worst;
I tryed so many times to kill myself; but as you can tell I didnot succeed.
I also, see why I've been a little to exrteme at tim
At first I thought when I got to this website (Tgguide) that I was a website whore??
Tell ya why, I was registered at another site, and was very happy their but, something happend and someone told me to leave.
( this was not done by a monitor/Admin/or because I did / said anything wrong.)
I guess, these people did not care for my company??? I guess??
So they told me to go........ this hurt me really bad; I felt like here we go again girl REJECTED. T.T
Then, after a period of time I found t
Well today, I had to look up what is a bolg used for. I did not want to be a BLOG HOG LOL
I guess I'm using thing right? LOL
Now on to the point; the other day I was chatting with my little sister (she is MtF also.)
She was not happy for she felt, I was further along the transition high-way than her.
This made her feel sad
As we were talking a thought popped in my head? This is not a race enjoy the trip down the path toward your goal.
So I told her what my thought was, and tryed to show
To day I looked up this quote from Lucy Maud Montgomery. it read,"in this world you've just got to hope for the best and prepare for the worst and take whatever God sends."
When I came to think about this I found it is quite deep in meaning.
when you link this to a life in transition it takes on a great meaning to me. This is what I got ;
We must never lose hope, and seek to get the best we can. If we donot quite get what we want then we should get ready for the consequence, but never give up
I 've learned somethings in the past years that I like to share; it is this, it's not how a person looks on the outside; but how they project the inside look out- ward.
What I mean by this, is your heart condition; love must come through. It doesn't matter if you are drop dead gorgeous, if the inside is rotten.
Now that I am 51 years old, and not drop dead gorgeous; people are accepting because I'm projecting love. This is no matter how they treat me, or what they call me.
I finally see th
The most traumatic experience of my life happened about a year ago. It darn near destroyed me!
For the first time in my life I was convicted of a serious crime.
I had to plead guilty to one count of attempted perjury this cost me five years of my life and $200,000.00 in restutition.
However, on the bright side it is also given me a new beginning. It is help me to become truthful about who and what I am. I intend to use this experience as a starting point in my life. I will never surrender
First I want to say, please don't pity me thanks.
When I was borned my mother dress me as a girl; she always wanted a little girl. So for the first nine years of my life thats all I knew;dresses, Barbies,and being mommy's little girl.
Then things changed in a hurry for me with out a explanation ( I mean in a matter of days.) My mother burned all my girl stuff all of it. Then replaced them with boys clohtes I did not understand why?
I guess it was because, I started public school?
Please unde
