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Karen's thoughts

A blog by KarenPayne in General

  • Entries

    261

  • Comments

    690

  • Views

    129,636

About this blog

This blog is dedicated to telling those who read the entries about my journey in hopes that something can be learned. 

Entries in this blog

Boot shopping

On Thursday I noticed the heel on one of my best boots the bottom part was coming off. I managed to fit it back together yet realized it would eventually be unrepairable. So yesterday morning I headed off to Macy's knowing there was a decent sale on shoes/boots and this is where I purchased the current pair. I believe my choice in an outfit was great, nice pair of leggings which is what I would wear with boots, snakeskin mid height heels, tank top and a cardigan. In less than two minutes a gorge

Halloween

I use to find halloween a sanctum for no-bars outings before gender reassignment surgery. Would dress up, go to work then out to parties or bars and be extremely happy in that nobody would bother me, a male dressed as a female. My first time in Oregon, I dressed in a just above the knee skirt, white blouse and high heel pumps that I would call very business-like where many employees did not recognize me. Heck even one hit on me. This halloween will be my first as a female and the year before it

Casual sex

Well as most know it's not easy to meet someone even as cis-gender. I know from when I was male and attempted to lead that life. Pretty much had a girlfriend after my divorce from 2000 to 2012 but the majority of them were in another town, Portland which is a 20 minute drive or out in the sticks, closer but not much better. I always wanted to have a relationship with a female that was close to home but that never happened. I was not into casual sex but wanted to be in some type of relationship.

i remember

I remember not so long ago taking spironolactone and estradiol where the prescription lasted six month then had to renew the prescriptions. Now after GRS I have a prescription for two years without a need to renew them. With medications mentioned it all changes, no more spironolactone and an ample supply of estradiol. I always try to keep extra on hand in the event of a emergency where pharmacies can not supply me with the medication I require for normal life. Something to think about, in that n

Microsoft MVP

For the second year I have been awarded the MVP (Microsoft Valuable Professional) where out of roughly two million candidates Microsoft picks 3,000 people were I have been honored twice. Last year I was awarded as my old male identity and this year as my current female identity. Each year those who have been awarded MVP go to a summit in Washington State where Microsoft pays for your room and whatever you need for an entire week that takes up at the very least two hotels and utilizes four hotels

Fun with physicians

I've been on a schedule to have blood work done every four months since starting on hormones where I don't see the doctor, just the tech for drawing blood out. Today I did see the doctor, gained one pound since I last saw her woohoo. She goes over the normal things than says she want to examine me down below. She said I had excellent depth and width but said my urethra was a tad under size. Asked me if I had any issues, I responded truthfully, no issues. When done she said I will see you in 12 m

Nice butt baby x 2

This afternoon I was talking to a female friend showing off my Miata and this guy looks out the car window and says yells to me and says "nice butt", had to be me because my friend was facing the other direction. Then the other day my neighbor tells me her husband saw me walking down the street but did not know it was me and said she has a nice butt then she goes, that's Karen. Funny in that I never got this before and know full well that taking hormones has zero effect on how one's butt looks s

Shared a brief story with the New York Times

One of my friends on Facebook shared a link where transgender people are sharing their stories. So I decided too and found it difficult to confined the story to 400 words but finally did. Once approved I will post a link back here. Anyways I am committed to this and spreading the word especially to those over 50, and older that it's possible to do this. http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/projects/storywall/transgender-today  

Trying to sleep (have to laugh at myself)

So it's time for bed and I can't sleep so I start watching an episode of a show that was recorded. After a bit I feel tired enough to attempt to sleep. After laying in bed for about 30 minutes I realize this is not happening. Back to watching television. About another 30 minutes later I feel it's time to sleep and try again. Guessing 15 or so minutes later I am still having difficulties. I then remember that sleeping on my stomach use to work and matter of fact slept on my stomach all my life un

Sports car club adventure today

Met up with the local Miata club this morning. They meet for coffee and then go out for a drive that last anywhere from an hour to three hours. Today seems my car was the center of attention as it’s the latest model. The drive after coffee was great, the lead driver picked out a fantastic route that had many enjoyable curves. Afterwards he told me several times that I did great with the turns, better than he thought I would do. Have to say out of the six members I met they are very nice people w

This should be interesting

We all entertain our worst nightmares when stepping out the door the first time in broad daylight dressed entirely as a female all the while contemplating who others will perceive us. Hopefully over time this subsides and it's all second nature. At my young age of 59 being a tactical instructor I was never concerned about my safety, only that of someone who might want to hurt me for their well-being after the fact which did happen the second week post surgery where in the end the police compleme

Getting noticed

I find it interesting that my new car seems to draw a good deal of attention to me. Friday I decided to wash the car out in front of my house on the street simply because car washing places are not good for convertibles. Any ways a middle age man walks down the street and says hello, I say hello back, he keeps walking. Then about five minutes later he walks back up the street and says "you are breaking my heart, you look fine today girl". I immediately can tell no matter what I say he is going t

Check out my new ride

For years I drove sensible cars for family at one point then later for travelling and teaching. Been thinking about getting a sports car and trading my Toyota 2005 Camry in for one but could never justify selling the Camry because it just runs and never breaks, only routine maintenance like oil change and tires for the most part. Been checking out the Mazda Miata for a while and was told by a co-worker that the 2016 models were worth waiting for. So last month I got on the list and last night wa

New tattoo

Yesterday morning I was thinking about covering up one tat for another and got lucky, the artist told me she is backed up until mid September but had a cancelation so about one hour later I had a dolphin covered up and a butterfly in it's place. Since the new tat is on my back need to get a friend to take a picture which I will post when that happens. Went for coffee this morning and the girl there took a picture for me. Any ways now have butterflies and flowers on left and right side on my uppe

It's a slippery slop

I was responding to a post titled Courage of Being Transgender in Public and decided not to respond there as my response seemed better off as a blog entry, more visibility. I have no issues passing and if I was not passable I would still had gone through my journey. Sure it's nice to pass and not be mis-gendered but focus should be on what makes you feel proper.  For some Vaginoplasty is the only option, others might go with Orchiectomy and in rare cases Penectomy. Vaginoplasty needs two therap

Teeth removal

For about 12 months I've been dealing with a problem tooth where the dentist recommended a bridge at the cost of $4,000. I was able to deal with the pain for all this time and the motivation was using that money for all my surgeries. Last month my secondary dentist said that I would suggest just having it extracted and I ask if the one behind it could be removed, no issues but felt right. So yesterday I had them removed. They spent about one hour with all sorts of preparations and about ten minu

Huge mistake

Be forewarned what follows is sexually explicit and there is no need to warn me about what I did as I am an adult and know the risk. The intent here is for others to learn from my mistakes, nothing more nothing less. I take no pride in what follows and hope others will learn from this. So Friday I was feeling frisky but not enough to act out on these feelings as I was comfy at home. So I used my toy and pleasured myself early evening and throughout the night the sensations lingered, went to bed

Still working on name changes

Just when you believe you are done with all things related name change and gender changes. I am still getting mail that has my former name and the senders are from state government and have changed my name and gender at the federal and state level.  As a Microsoft MVP comes with it a handler who is someone that can assist you in ways that the average person does not have access too and is completely free. I told my handler in January of my transition, no problems there but kept sending special e

US Trans Survey

Just took a survey at www.ustranssurvey.org which I think everyone here should consider. Many of the questions ask about bad things that have happened to you now and in the past. The survey takes about 15-20 minutes of your time and believe it's well worth the effort. I am sure this will help others.

Tango by We-Vibe review

Thinking in line with my last post on "use it or lose it" I thought it was appropriate to tell you about a viberator that in my honest opinion is a must have. I know several woman that is a viberator and most have the larger ones for penetration while one woman I know uses one that is for clitorial stimulation. I have been using a medium size penis shaped viberator that is average length of a penis and decent girth. It does the job but takes a while to climax. It can be used with or without lubr

Use it or lose it

You hear about men and woman as they grow old have less desire for making love or masterbastion, one day it's all we can think about then it's gone for the most part. Then there are others who never go down this path. Nothing wrong to be in either camp. When still a male I was pretty much a sexual creature until around 2007 where I was repulsed using my penis. I became asexual, would masterbate while tucked, never looking down. It was not easy to come to orgasm with everything tucked away but af

Sleepless in Salem Oregon

When I hit the age of 30 years old I went from a night person who was totally into playing in a rock band playing in clubs or jamming with various musicians and getting up late to going to bed early and getting up when others were falling asleep.  I then get up and be on the computer figuring out complex problems or putting on headphones  creating music. The family sleeping soundly and me doing this dressed gave me the little peace of mind I needed to keep sanity in the male body. I was afforded

LGBT events and/or groups question

For a while now I have been wanting to get involved in the LGBT community teaching practical self-defense and if there is an audience to teach advance self-defense. With that said if anyone is aware of groups or events for 2016 that I can contact or they can contact me please let me know be in East or West Coast. I have a strong background teaching practical empty-hand and impact tactics along with firearms if the need is there I can even combine class and get into walking cane and baton tactics

You can make this stuff up

In my elementary school days there was a bully who would tease me, "hey sissy" or "hey little girl" to no end. When one day a new boy came to class and while walking home the bully started on me and the new boy intervened by knocking the bully on his butt. I remained really good friends with the new kid until several years after high school then reconnected with him on Facebook several years ago. I started counting down the days to GRS but would only post on Facebook that I was heading to Califo

Emotional

Yesterday I went to visit my best female friend who unfortunately lives forty minutes north of me and does not drive. During non-peak hours it's a 20 minute drive. Any ways we were planned on going to the Portland Saturday market but I for some reason went to bed at 6:30PM Friday night and she was up dealing with an inebriated husband till 3AM in the morning. Beings I was up at mid-night and ended up texting with her the end result was no Saturday market as we both needed to take naps and ended

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