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About this blog

This blog is dedicated to telling those who read the entries about my journey in hopes that something can be learned. 

Entries in this blog

Bra fitting and thongs

My best female friend planned this morning to visit Macy's and Nordstrom's for me having a bra fitting. The first stop ended up at Nordstrom's where she knew one of the people there which has been fitting bras for almost ten year. As luck was on our side she was just finishing up with another customer so I was introduced to her and told her what I was looking for, an everyday bra with no underwire. She brought me back into a fitting room, had me take off my top and then measured me up. She then
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

2

Marci Bowers surgeon

I had a session with my therapist today where part of the conversation lead to a junction on a post I did this morning "The Opposite Sex, Rene's story" and she said that many letters being written by her are for Marci Bowers. Then the conversation turned to male to female clients and that in recent months she wrote letters for clients for Marci Bowers.  Even though she asked before, she asked again, where you happy with your results from Marci? No hesitation, yet I am completely happy with the l
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

0

Self-defense topic

Had one of those elevator discussions today, was waiting for the elevator and two female co-workers asked me what I thought about C Jenner, got that over with and then spilled over to “it’s a man’s world” which slid into my story of how after over ten years teaching firearm, impact and edge weapon self-defense that the main source of teaching dried up because of my transitioning. I also told them that perhaps in the back of my mind (and they agreed) I needed to teach and continually train becaus
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

2

Post surgery appointment - breast augmentation

Last week was my first post surgery operation appointment for breast augmentation where I was told there would be several more appointments over the next several months. Today I was examined and asked about pain or discomfort. I told them what little pain was still present was almost completely gone on Monday of this week. Both the surgeon and his assistant (a female) agreed that my recovery was better than the average person after breast augmentation and said even with heavy muscles I was doing
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Are you okay today, how about tomorrow

Every once in a while I get tired around lunch time at work and luck that I park my car in the underground garage in my building. So I went down to take a nap and as I am falling asleep I am thinking it's been four months since gender reassignment surgery and started going back in time thinking, self-evaluating how life has been treating me. My conclusion was that there is nothing negative at all about me changing gender and little to no complaints in other aspects of my life. I believe one reas
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

2

Afternoon photo session

Since my mother and brother who live 3,500 miles from me have not seen Karen I went and got some photos done. Before are a few of the photos. For my mother and brother (both live in the same house) I had three pictures framed together. I elected to have the pictures taken with zero makeup so any and all flaws do show up and that is how I like it, natural.
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

8

Morning at the my hair salon

I always enjoyed going to my hair salon prior to becoming female but it's so much better now as I am included into chit-chat that only woman engage in. Was there for three hours getting my roots and highlights done so there was a good deal of chit-chat. Two things worth mentioning, one of the stylist who (just learned this today) has been there for 13 years (and I have been going there for 20) ignored me so I thought then the stylist doing my hair said to me, do you know Jean (the other stylist)
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

0

Is HRT right for me?

This is a game changer for life so the answer to pursue hormone replacement treatment should not be sought after until you have taken the time to place yourself into isolation many times and come out with "this is right for me" The following may not be suited for everyone and even so might possible change your opinion of me but I am coming from a very different place here So while teaching a group of people mixes included everyday people and military I posed the question; in front of you is a ch
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Mother daughter phone chit-chat brings memories

I am not one to call people on the phone which my mother knows all so well but when she calls we usually chat for between one and two hours. She lives on the opposite coast, 94 years old with the mind of a 40 year old which is truly amazing. Tonight we talked about some of my old girlfriends and she talked about some of her old boy friends back when she was 18 years old. One of the stories was when I was out and about with a few guy friends all night, came home and my father was sitting at the k
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

2

Self Analysing

In a recent post I place the image below into it which was taken by my friend who said she wanted a picture of me for memories of that day. I was thinking about female Mannerisms and Body Language but not at that moment looking at the picture below. Note this is three days after breast augmentation and not thinking about my body language what-so-ever. Several things became apparent that I would like to point out, men generally sit forward while females sit back on a chair, men typically have the
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

3

Physically have it all?

So in under six months I have gone through both gender reassignment surgery, tracheal shave and breast augmentation where three years ago I thought this would be impossible and now very happy that I am finished with surgeries as there is in my mind not much more that can be done that would make me happier. I read about some who will get various parts of their face done to have the bone structure, hairline and eye's of a female and they might possibly benefit me to look more female but at what ex
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

11

Post surgery report thoughts

It is save to say that I am doing well now other than feeling crappy from not taking a shower since prior to surgery and plan on taking one this morning as I was given the okay to take a shower. From the post surgery visit yesterday they explained to me about the current status of my breast skin and what to expect in the next few weeks which is what I will report on next so others who will have breast augmentation will know about what to expect. In retrospect It is critical that you have a suppo
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Post Surgery report 4

At my post surgery appointment I was told all looked fine. There will be at least four more visits/check-ups. They were very surprised when my female friend reported that I had taken only twenty-five percent of the pain killers since surgery and said most patients take all the medication.  They gave me Lipikar Baue AP creme which helps restore skin's hydrolipidic layer for my breast. My current pain level is under 1 using 1 to 10 scale  
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

2

Another validation

I was just reading Christie's recent blog post which brings me to the following (it was a jog to my short term memory). My girl friend was watching the season finally of Survivor while I was napping on my recliner. I woke up, she looks at me and says "even with you sitting there with no makeup (she is use to me with mascara as I don't wear makeup) and in pajamas I can't begin to imagine you as a dude and I have known you since 2007." I turn to her, give her a thumbs up and smile. She says No, th
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

0

Post Surgery report 3

Had problems sleeping last night but got around three hours then awake for one then slept for about four hours. The pain during those hours was fairly intense until my friend woke up and gave me my meds. After the medication was taken I almost feel like I am back to myself unlike yesterday after medication was taken I was still in pain. Right now the pain is almost non-existing. It's just before 5 AM which means five hours to go for my post-operation checkup. I can easily see myself back to work
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

3

Post surgery report 2

My friend had me pick up groceries prior to surgery, two items in particular I wondered about, strawberries and blueberries. Well last night I found out they were for me to assist with constipation as happens after surgery. So I am eating them right up. Urinating is no problem at all. Speaking of urinating, I am wearing a rather loose fitting and long top so each time I go the top is lifted up over my new breast and of course have to stare at them, oh so nice looking if I do say so myself. Dinne
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

2

Post surgery report 1

My best friend and I took a taxi to the hospital, signed a few papers the off to a room to prepare me for surgery. About thirty minutes later the surgeon arrived, drew on my body to mark up for my implants. About ten minutes later, off to the OR. I am so use to the OR it felt like a second home I woke up in a recovery room, a bit groggy as one might expect. Pain level I mark at between 3 and 4. I was given some pain medication which greater reduced the pain. Terry had them bring me a Starbucks
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

3

This time tomorrow I will have my own breast

In six hours I have my last meal until who knows when since I will be still under the affects of anesthesia and was informed that it will be best to stick with things like soup, crackers and clear drinks for the day after surgery. After GRS I ate two light meals each day for the first two days so my guess is this will be no different. Just took a five hour energy drink so I stay awake to around mid-night which will help me with several extra hours that if awake would be hungry. My friend is due
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

3

Cost for your transition

These are some of the cost to consider when ready to transition. I am sure there is enough to do an educated guess what it will cost you. Therapist, each month for one hour was $150 plus time off work and gas to travel 35 miles each way. Now that I have transitioned I have therapist appointments every three months which I think is a wise idea at least as in my case for one year post op. My first therapist worked on a sliding scale so I paid under $100 per session. A in between therapist I did no
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

4

Cold hard facts moving forward with reassignment surgery

I at no time in my life contemplated suicide which I have learned recently through more than one source (on example came from a video I mention here) that 41 percent of people going under the knife will attempt suicide. Never would I had thought that there were many who actually regretted going under the knife as told in this web site. I would think that one reason for this is that a person with regret may very well had a ill equipped therapist that was not qualified to access transgender (or ma
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

6

The things we do for family

My daughter has decided to be closer to family so she is moving back to Oregon from Pennsylvania next April. She is waiting because she is due to deliver a girl in September. She called me last week and asked what she should do with her car which is two years old. I said her options where to sell the car or have me fly out and drive her car to Oregon. So it looks like I will be flying into Pennsylvania next April to do just that, drive her car across country to Portland Oregon. Back in 2000 I w
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

A story to share on a trans-woman and others

"True Trans Laura Jane Grace" http://on.aol.com/show/true-trans-518250660.288/518451031 I found this woman’s story well worth sharing. Below are some pieces I thought say volumes without explanation for this audience.  Laura Jane Grace has a large fan base in regards to her music. Amazing, simply amazing stories told here. I was so touched by these stories, my emotions overwhelmed me. Misalignment, Struggles, Turns into shame. Parents would disown me, Try to lock me away, Turn to alcohol and
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Body shape and clothing thoughts

My best female friend pointed out to me recently that even when I was male that she perceived me as female because to her, my body structure/shape was that of a female which she kept to herself for a long time. She went on to say that I did not need makeup because of this fact. Note, one does not have to be gorgeous to come off as female, heck I see myself as average no matter what I am told. Over the past year we would go out clothes shopping, the first thing that stuck in my head was how she
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

3

Paralyzed with fear over others perception of us

Over time it is hard to not recognize that not just with gender issues but every aspect of life we encounter a fear and doubt our abilities to cope. This is normal behavior until we key in on gender dysphoria because if nothing else we are living in a world that is gender centric, male or female. Fear of being late with a car payment is vastly different than stepping out one’s front door dressed in the opposite gender. We can call the bank, chat with them and make special arrangements if your
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

2

Thongs can be a Revelation into the big picture

About two years ago my best friend while out shopping with me purchased several pairs of Calvin Klein thongs then presented them to me when we returned to her home. I was both happy and sad, happy because I knew they would be worn at least once to celebrate while sad because it would be two years until they could be worn. Two years is a long time and the thongs ended up in storage which I just found this week and thought it would be great to try them on which I did and love them. Okay then I tho
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

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