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About this blog

This blog is dedicated to telling those who read the entries about my journey in hopes that something can be learned. 

Entries in this blog

Getting together...

I am also a member of another cross-dresser/transgender site which is predominantly cross-dressers with a section for transgender. I frequent that site say once a week, sometimes every two weeks. I posted in the transgender area about my voice lessons and then the same day received a request to meet a member. Since I was heading in her direction to prom dress shopping with my best friend and her daughter I should sure. So this afternoon we were suppose to meet in front of Pandora's in the mall a
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

2

Observations, the female voice in LGBT M to F

With no disrespect I’ve been noticing the more I’m with cross-dressers that two things (at least from my experience in the last several years) is, the majority of cross-dressers will not transition so they are part-timers only and that they never attempt to mask their voice to female mode and one reason I believe for the voice aspect is they only do to trans-friendly establishments. Keeping with voice, I’ve only met three post-op transgender and I’m astonished to find they don’t attempt to chan
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

2

Acquaintance GRS update

Several entries back I wrote about helping a male to female, surgery went wrong and ended up being hospitalized for many weeks because of rectovaginal fistula. Last week I saw her, she had a colostomy bag and indicated they would revisit what can be done in February. This week she said there is a possibility of using a colostomy bag either internal or external for the rest of her life. I can't even begin to imagine having the wear a colostomy bag forever because of a botched surgery. My advice f
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

2

Decisions

I have created this poll after hearing a discussion on another forum.  There are many considerations e.g. you are born male but identify as female and want surgery, you were born male but identify as female but don't want surgery. Reverse this for female to male. Then of course there are binary and non-binary. Consider you are male, get F on your state id and commit a crime, go to jail but since you have male genitals you are placed in a male prison and the inmates know about your gender issues.
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

2

Two year anniversary coming up

With my two year anniversary in regards to physical surgeries coming up I have been reflecting on recent changes along with my comfort level has changed in the past few months. Although I've been very comfortable since surgery over time there are things that change which are not always easy to describe, for instance, how I view the world as a whole then how I view my part as a female in every aspect of my life. I know not everyone has positive outlooks, some have constraints of various kinds tha
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

2

What's new

It's been a while since visiting here, little has changed other than being asked to work for a global/major tech company several weeks ago which I have accepted. Yes they know my past and that is not an issue. I've always said that work hard and have a determination no matter what gender you are will get you places. Sadly there are many companies who discriminate against anyone who is not cisgender but that will only change when those of us who are not classified cisgender refuse to lay down and
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

2
Facebook

Facebook tips

Before and after surgeries I used the same Facebook profile, changed my handle and did the following which I consider tips for those who are transitioning When Facebook suggest reposting old post, review comments first for any references to your old identity e.g. someone said "Hey Kevin" while now I'm Karen, get the hint. Move old identity photos to a hidden folder or delete them. I elected to place the photos into a hidden folder. Now I do realize many will elect to have o
KarenPayne

KarenPayne in Facebook

2

The things we do for family

My daughter has decided to be closer to family so she is moving back to Oregon from Pennsylvania next April. She is waiting because she is due to deliver a girl in September. She called me last week and asked what she should do with her car which is two years old. I said her options where to sell the car or have me fly out and drive her car to Oregon. So it looks like I will be flying into Pennsylvania next April to do just that, drive her car across country to Portland Oregon. Back in 2000 I w
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Bye-Bye to tucking and good riddance to it all

For many years, I experimented with tucking my privates with many failures and success. Once I found a great gaff the company decided to change it and did not work for me anymore so I used the few I had until they fell apart and just as the last one was done for I found a replacement that I stumbled upon and have been using for the past 15 years. My requirements were simple using the following situation. Be able to go use the toilet, stand up and tuck in less than a minute and remained firml
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

New laptop

Well I am happy to announce that I just receive my new laptop and all appears to be working properly including copy and paste operations.
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Firearm forum

So while checking mail tonight I get a message from a firearm forum saying While we doubt your guns are at the bottom of a lake, we did notice that it has been a while since you've visited us for sometime... So I decided to create a new account for Karen Payne. I was expecting to add a profile picture but somehow when I created the account it grabbed my picture for my Windows machine. I think a few of the guys there like me as I got an alert saying someone likes you for two members (so
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Monetary cost - peace of mind

Being it’s a new year a thought went through my head, I know what the monetary cost for preparing for surgery, actual surgery and after care but what is the cost over time? Well without going down to the penny I spent roughly $2,000 for a therapist, not enough to register for medications (insurance paid this), since 2000 spent roughly $4,000 for electrolysis, $7,000 on body enhancements. Now couple this with surgery and aftercare I figure a round number is $35.000. Let’s round this off to $50,00
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Credit card hacked

Went to check the balance on my checking account two days ago and I found a charge that I did not recognize, called the bank and they are working on a resolution to get my money back. What I really like about my bank is, you walk in, tell them what happened then the cancel the card and create a new one on the spot. I am extremely diligent with my card and the only time the card is out of my seight is when purchasing gasoline (Oregon is you can not pump your own) so it has me wondering if that
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Blogging the next two weeks

I leave for California tomorrow early morning, arrive around noon, get picked up by a limo which takes me to my hotel (luggage arrived yesterday). See what I can explore, have dinner, watch some television than Monday morning at 9AM is my pre-surgery appointment, explore again during the day, dinner, crappy tasting poop all night meds. Tuesday get to the surgery center at 6AM for check-in, surgery at 7:30AM. Doubt very much I will be blogging on Tuesday but surely the next day. For anyone
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Sleepless in California

I have not been keeping count on visits from nurses but enough that is not conducive too sleeping. Just a little bit ago my pads/packing was changed then a follow up to make sure there was no leakage. I have to say the nurses here are top notch, well versed with taking care of me after GRS. All in all I am feeling great except for sleep which I am sure will get caught up on.
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Marci day after visit

Doctor Bowers did a peek in, said no need for sutures which is good news. Marci and the two nurses said my vagina came out very good.
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Post operation part 1

The following link is my blog entry for post surgery with Marci which includes dilation. http://karenpayneblog.com/2015/02/02/post-operation-appointment/ What I did not post there is peeing after the pee bag was removed. First thing, did a decent spray (not really something to be proud of) both times. I was told this may happen so I was well positioned for this event.
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

First day home

The morning was not so hot which I believe was from yesterday's experience. Once I did my morning dilation, had breakfast and shower things where looking up. My neighbor left me my mail from the two weeks I was gone and happy to find my new social security card, new American Express card and Utah concealed handgun license. Now I need to get out and shop as my place is bare bones empty on food and essentials. And I am so happy to be back at home, feels fantastic :-)
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Female emotions

I will start off by saying that in the past 15 years there has been just one time I truly cried for something real. Today I was watching Chicago Fire television show where there was a very emotional scene. I could feel my body reacting to what I was watching and figured my eyes would become watery but not the case today, I completely broke down, cried, body shook and I actually made sounds. This has to be the hormones as I have noticed in recent months more joy in various aspects of my life,
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Crappy morning

I went to bed around 10PM and woke up at 2:30AM which is not enough sleep, tinkered around until 5AM and then got another hour sleep. When I woke up still did not feel well but knew I had to do my dilation and was the worst dilation since the first one. I glided the tool in and knew immediately that it was going to be a painful time but kept on going. Usually immediately afterwards I take a shower which tends to make me feel normal again but it has been one hour since the shower and just beg
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

My mother is a smartie

After surgery my mother called hearing I was in California for surgery and inquired to what the surgery was. I told her it was not life threatening on three different times days after surgery, not to worry mom. Well this morning she called and asked about my surgery again and I said, don't you remember, I told you it was nothing to worry about. She said, I think I know what it was for. I said, what you do think, she said gender change? Well I am surely not going to deny it as my only reaso
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Work and dilation

If so desire, check out my entry at http://www.karenpayneblog.com where the first part is at work (which is duplicated from my prior blog here) and then about current dilation. I truly despise dilation but will never give up :)
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Facebook again

I have been waiting to see if any of my friends would un-friend me after announcing my gender change, instead I actually gained two friends, lost zero. One I understand as we are both heavily into martial arts and have many common friends in martial arts while the other one not sure about but she is a mutual friend from a person I attended high school with on the East Coast. So to date all is well.
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

Great day

One of my old co-workers who retired several years ago wanted to hook up so I said how about lunch. We met at a great Mexican restaurant, ate and spent an hour talking. Then we went across the street to the local mall, hit Starbucks then walked around the mall for about five lapse talking about everything under the sun. Finally say down and chatted some more. She confided with me that she wanted to get together before this but felt like I might take it as her hooking up with me. Of course
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

1

I can relate

One of my friends on Facebook posted this quote “The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” - Ayn Rand I think many feel that they must wait for permission or wish it will happen but the down right truth is you make it happen. Heck I will admit to falling into this mindset in regards to transitioning but for years was the one "who is going to stop me" when it came to teaching specialty classes in self-defense. So it is possible to be of both mindsets and I
KarenPayne

KarenPayne

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