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Karen's thoughts

A blog by KarenPayne in General

  • Entries

    261

  • Comments

    690

  • Views

    129,604

About this blog

This blog is dedicated to telling those who read the entries about my journey in hopes that something can be learned. 

Entries in this blog

Ladies restrooms

I have been using them for the past year. mostly public restrooms such as malls, restaurants and the likes. What is was surprised about was hearing women siting in the stall next too me and would say that 95% of them use the paper on the toilet to protect themselves while on contrast I would say it's almost the reverse for the men's restroom. Not that I am sitting there listening for that but for whatever reason this is the case. Anyways I always when available use the paper cover as one neve

Regular HRT checkup and more

Every twelve months I am required to check in to my doctor for blood work in regards to me continuing on estradiol and spironolactone (anti-androgen). She indicated that there is no need to continue taking spironolactone since this is for blocking testosterone which I don’t have anymore. Had a discussion on dilation, she transitioned 20 years ago so once a day for her. She sits in a warm bath tub and uses baby shampoo for liberation, think I will need to try this for the middle dilation of t

First week back to work

I went back to work on Monday and had a pretty good idea how it would be as in acceptance with other co-workers. After four days no surprises, everyone I worked with or came in contact with where fine with me. One women whom I use to work with many years ago, still works there but in another section came over this morning and chatted with me. She was happy for me and said I looked great. Another woman who is in my area but I do not have contact with came over this afternoon and started off

I forgot

One of my Facebook friends is my daughter's best friend who posted that she closed the front door and the security latch got wedged into the door preventing it from opening and asked for help. Since I knew she lived closed by I replied with "I will help if you still need assistance". She gave me her address, five minutes from my home. Went over, I knocked on the front door and she came around from the back door. When she greeted me (she had not seen me in five years) no reactions or comments on

Pulling stitches

This morning I had a very difficult/painful dilation session. It was painful enough to contact Marci which resulted in sending her a snapshot. I noticed a blood blister, she asked me to pop it. So I serialized a needle and popped it, no pain, fair amount of blood. She then said, I see you still have some stitches, please pull them out. I had tried several days ago but did not put much effort into it. Today I did and got them (four) out. The hard part is working tweezers with a flashlight and mir

Breast implants

For the past week or so have been doing research on surgeons in my area for performing breast implants and finally found one but they are booked until May for consultations. Went to there office, made the appointment and took home several pages for them like anytime one sees a new doctor. I thought it was interesting but not surprised that surgeons and doctors have a list of people who had surgery recently as after giving the receptionist my name she pulled up my address and phone number.

Last entry on identification

I started the process for my name and gender change the last week of last November which took five weeks. The gender part in short (I did write about this before) is allowed before surgery by a therapist on a special DMV list. In the month of January I did my social security card, all my credit cards, bank checks (did not arrive till after I returned from California) and PayPal account. Today the final card arrived, my insurance card. Wish I had this card before surgery simply because the

UPDATE Dilation break through

I have been working on a good method to work on dilation with the largest dilator which I was having not so great luck with. As mention before I need to dilate three times a day for 15 minutes. Small and medium dilator were fine but the larger one I only could manage a few times with then tried 15 minutes with the medium then gave up after five minutes with the larger size dilator. Last night I believe I have found a simple method to start with five minutes with the medium dilator then 15 min

Work asked me to...

I am still on sick leave but went into work yesterday to try out my new username for signing into the local network. Talked to my boss, told him that I most likely would not be back next week as Marci's office has not given me a letter to return to work yet. He was fine with that. He then said, could you please write something up for your business partners whom do not know about your transition. I told him that I already did this. He then asked if I would write something up for our IT divisio

I can relate

One of my friends on Facebook posted this quote “The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” - Ayn Rand I think many feel that they must wait for permission or wish it will happen but the down right truth is you make it happen. Heck I will admit to falling into this mindset in regards to transitioning but for years was the one "who is going to stop me" when it came to teaching specialty classes in self-defense. So it is possible to be of both mindsets and I

Great day

One of my old co-workers who retired several years ago wanted to hook up so I said how about lunch. We met at a great Mexican restaurant, ate and spent an hour talking. Then we went across the street to the local mall, hit Starbucks then walked around the mall for about five lapse talking about everything under the sun. Finally say down and chatted some more. She confided with me that she wanted to get together before this but felt like I might take it as her hooking up with me. Of course

Setting my new goal, breast augmentation

I have been research who to select for doing my breast augmentation in the latter part of this year. I would really like to do this here in Oregon but not sure who to trust as I have heard some not so pleasant stories. For instance one of the woman who cuts my hair told me her left breast was royally messed up and been battling with the surgeon for months now. I am not taking this lightly by any means. Very shortly hope to have my new countdown and be done with this before the end of this year.

Dilation helper

One of the worst things about dilation is setting up. Currently I place two pillows in front of a chair, in front of this a pad design to ease the pain of sitting down then two pillows in front of that which I fold in half and place under my calves to position properly. Get out the KY and butter knife plus the dilator. Lastly turn on the timer on my cell phone. Do the dilation, clean up. Takes about 5-10 minutes to setup, 15 minutes to dilate then another five minutes to clean up. All this

Grocery store then Adult book store...

I get half way to the grocery store and realized nothing is needed but ended up going anyways to pickup vegetables for dinner tomorrow night. On the ways there is an adult book store which has many toys and decided what the heck and went in. So I make a bee-line for the female toys, and there are of course more for females then there are for males and took my time gazing. The salesman came over a few times, first time he said if you want me to open any package let me know and thanked him whil

Give yourself a break

Smiling and laughing can but not always brighten attitudes and well being. I was one for ignoring this for many years but have in the past few years learned to be a happier person both before and after GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) which I think can lead one away from being sad or depressed. I could not believe how much "The Other Woman" movie could make me cheerful and smile. Perhaps that is not your cup of tea, may be instead it's treating yourself to a lovely dinner with cheerful frien

Facebook again

I have been waiting to see if any of my friends would un-friend me after announcing my gender change, instead I actually gained two friends, lost zero. One I understand as we are both heavily into martial arts and have many common friends in martial arts while the other one not sure about but she is a mutual friend from a person I attended high school with on the East Coast. So to date all is well.

I am truly honored

I was just reading Emmasweet’s latest blog post and realized how fortunate I am to have found this safe haven unlike no other on the web. Not to leave anyone out but Monica, Emma, UsernameOptional and Lori are wonderful people and if you have not looked at other sites this one is the best. Way too many focus on one or two high level topics of interest unlike this one. Well this entry was not meant to win any awards, just wanted to put this out there

Facebook

I was contemplating on what I should do for Facebook, create a new account or change the current male one so I created a new one but then thought that this is going to be tough getting friends over to the new account and stopped after creating the new female account last week. While surfing through my male account yesterday I decided to delete the new female account and change the male account to female via gender option then changed from my male name to my female name. Walked away and upon c

Teaching today

I was asked by a group of six to teach a empty hand defensive class today. My only limitation was to not go to the ground as I am still healing. Many of my techniques end up with me locking up an attacker in a manner that I can call the police and keep them at bay with just my legs and be on top of them. Generally speaking for these types of classes I have one concept to teach and also allow the students to agree say on one common attack and work that into the concepts I teach. Lastly, I demo

Mornings

For 99% of the days since surgery I have bad mornings. Most of them I wake up way too early. Many of them I feel nausea to some extent and just down right crappy. Usually take a two hour nap within two hours of waking up. I have noticed the past few days that I am starting to feel better. What really makes me feel normal is right after morning dilation and a nice hot shower. Anyways thought others going down this path might be alerted to you too may experience this too.

There is hope (dilation)

So recently I moved from the smaller dilator to the medium dilator, first time was painful the whole time but got a little better each time yet was still painful. Tonight I just finished and very happy that there was almost no pain. If things progress as they have been I should be good by say Sunday. Any ways the purpose of this entry is too tell others who will go down this path is that in the beginning it is no picnic but does get better. eek not looking forward to the larger one :(

Facebook cleansing

Don't know what got me started (Kevin Gallagher account) but I went into my albums and decimated most of my photos of my former self but could not bring myself to remove them all which where the one's I was teaching self-defense with. Think I will wait on those until I have pictures for my other (Karen Payne account) FB account. I did first save the photos off to my backup drive, you never know if for some strange reason I might want them but by all intense and purpose they are now buried in the

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