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Karen's thoughts

A blog by KarenPayne in General

  • Entries

    261

  • Comments

    690

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    129,829

About this blog

This blog is dedicated to telling those who read the entries about my journey in hopes that something can be learned. 

Entries in this blog

Cancer

So I'm going at this with no prior thought other than I need to write about two woman I know. Three weeks ago a good friend of mine was sitting in her living room and one of her dogs kept sniffing and licking her one breast. She ignored it until the dog kept doing it for two days. Had a mammogram done and sure enough cancer and to note, it runs in her family. Several days ago had surgery and being the brave person she is posted photos so that people think more of what can happen rather than simp

Blogging the next two weeks

I leave for California tomorrow early morning, arrive around noon, get picked up by a limo which takes me to my hotel (luggage arrived yesterday). See what I can explore, have dinner, watch some television than Monday morning at 9AM is my pre-surgery appointment, explore again during the day, dinner, crappy tasting poop all night meds. Tuesday get to the surgery center at 6AM for check-in, surgery at 7:30AM. Doubt very much I will be blogging on Tuesday but surely the next day. For anyone

Assisting with gender reassignment surgery

Background, I was fortunate to have a lot of support with my transition, friends and acquaintance where there for me. As many here know not everyone is lucky enough to have support before and after gender reassignment surgery and believe that if possible nobody should go through this alone. With that said, this week cumulates several months of assisting a male to female person to their surgery this Thursday. When I first started off with them they had a good deal of dysphoria and not happy about

Assisting with gender reassignment surgery part 2

My suspicions prior to my acquaintance undergoing the knife were right on point which I will get into here. We headed off to the hospital at 4:30 AM, arrived at 5:30 AM, admitted and shortly afterwards she was taken back for pre-surgery. About one hour later she was off to the OP, they had given her a sedative already (I was not given one at this point). There is a leaderboard that updates through the stages e.g. prep, in room, closing, out of OR.  She told me ahead of time the surgery was sched

Sleepless in California

I have not been keeping count on visits from nurses but enough that is not conducive too sleeping. Just a little bit ago my pads/packing was changed then a follow up to make sure there was no leakage. I have to say the nurses here are top notch, well versed with taking care of me after GRS. All in all I am feeling great except for sleep which I am sure will get caught up on.

i remember

I remember not so long ago taking spironolactone and estradiol where the prescription lasted six month then had to renew the prescriptions. Now after GRS I have a prescription for two years without a need to renew them. With medications mentioned it all changes, no more spironolactone and an ample supply of estradiol. I always try to keep extra on hand in the event of a emergency where pharmacies can not supply me with the medication I require for normal life. Something to think about, in that n

Post surgery report thoughts

It is save to say that I am doing well now other than feeling crappy from not taking a shower since prior to surgery and plan on taking one this morning as I was given the okay to take a shower. From the post surgery visit yesterday they explained to me about the current status of my breast skin and what to expect in the next few weeks which is what I will report on next so others who will have breast augmentation will know about what to expect. In retrospect It is critical that you have a suppo

The aftermath

So in my last entries I focused on assisting a trans person through SRS/GRS/GCS (pick one). They ended up with Rectovaginal fistula. So after the initial surgery they stayed in the hospital for a week, back home for a week, back to the hospital for repairing the botched surgery, stayed there a week. On top of this they were discharged to a recovery company for at least a week. So there are plenty of these surgeries done each year, some overseas and here. A common factor for most is "I need this

Post operation part 1

The following link is my blog entry for post surgery with Marci which includes dilation. http://karenpayneblog.com/2015/02/02/post-operation-appointment/ What I did not post there is peeing after the pee bag was removed. First thing, did a decent spray (not really something to be proud of) both times. I was told this may happen so I was well positioned for this event.

Is HRT right for me?

This is a game changer for life so the answer to pursue hormone replacement treatment should not be sought after until you have taken the time to place yourself into isolation many times and come out with "this is right for me" The following may not be suited for everyone and even so might possible change your opinion of me but I am coming from a very different place here So while teaching a group of people mixes included everyday people and military I posed the question; in front of you is a ch

First day home

The morning was not so hot which I believe was from yesterday's experience. Once I did my morning dilation, had breakfast and shower things where looking up. My neighbor left me my mail from the two weeks I was gone and happy to find my new social security card, new American Express card and Utah concealed handgun license. Now I need to get out and shop as my place is bare bones empty on food and essentials. And I am so happy to be back at home, feels fantastic :-)

Female emotions

I will start off by saying that in the past 15 years there has been just one time I truly cried for something real. Today I was watching Chicago Fire television show where there was a very emotional scene. I could feel my body reacting to what I was watching and figured my eyes would become watery but not the case today, I completely broke down, cried, body shook and I actually made sounds. This has to be the hormones as I have noticed in recent months more joy in various aspects of my life,

Crappy morning

I went to bed around 10PM and woke up at 2:30AM which is not enough sleep, tinkered around until 5AM and then got another hour sleep. When I woke up still did not feel well but knew I had to do my dilation and was the worst dilation since the first one. I glided the tool in and knew immediately that it was going to be a painful time but kept on going. Usually immediately afterwards I take a shower which tends to make me feel normal again but it has been one hour since the shower and just beg

My mother is a smartie

After surgery my mother called hearing I was in California for surgery and inquired to what the surgery was. I told her it was not life threatening on three different times days after surgery, not to worry mom. Well this morning she called and asked about my surgery again and I said, don't you remember, I told you it was nothing to worry about. She said, I think I know what it was for. I said, what you do think, she said gender change? Well I am surely not going to deny it as my only reaso

Metamorphosis

Been on hormones for close to two years now and beginning to notice a difference in my brain from normal patterns of feeling unlike before and not certain how to put the changes into words even though I recognize not a subtle change but like dropping off a cliff. This involves general thought processes and emotions yet the emotional aspect has been changing small amounts over the entire time I have been on hormones. So far there is nothing negative in regards to the changes in my brain, only pos

Post surgery appointment - breast augmentation

Last week was my first post surgery operation appointment for breast augmentation where I was told there would be several more appointments over the next several months. Today I was examined and asked about pain or discomfort. I told them what little pain was still present was almost completely gone on Monday of this week. Both the surgeon and his assistant (a female) agreed that my recovery was better than the average person after breast augmentation and said even with heavy muscles I was doing

Facebook again

I have been waiting to see if any of my friends would un-friend me after announcing my gender change, instead I actually gained two friends, lost zero. One I understand as we are both heavily into martial arts and have many common friends in martial arts while the other one not sure about but she is a mutual friend from a person I attended high school with on the East Coast. So to date all is well.

Q&A: MVP Karen Payne Talks With Us About Being A Transgender Woman In Tech

Several years ago I was asked to speak at Microsoft on "Diversity and Inclusion in the workplace". They wanted my perspective as a Microsoft MVP (Most Valued Professional) being transgender in the tech field. Only a handful at Microsoft knew I was transgender when I would meet with them but my lead at Microsoft asked me to participate and I said yet. From that I did the Diversion and Inclusion speech with a panel which then moved to me being interviewed (which was the second time, first time was

Great day

One of my old co-workers who retired several years ago wanted to hook up so I said how about lunch. We met at a great Mexican restaurant, ate and spent an hour talking. Then we went across the street to the local mall, hit Starbucks then walked around the mall for about five lapse talking about everything under the sun. Finally say down and chatted some more. She confided with me that she wanted to get together before this but felt like I might take it as her hooking up with me. Of course

Dating but not dating yeek

I really don’t get it, over the past year men send me friend request on Facebook that are looking to date. Guess may be (not really) it partly my fault, should have a banner saying “Hey I was male but now female” in that I have no desire to date men but will admit to having a fling with one is just fine, otherwise I am on the other end of the spectrum, lesbian with a smidgen of bi . When I was male and wanted to date a female I first make sure she was into men on her profile and was not current

I can relate

One of my friends on Facebook posted this quote “The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” - Ayn Rand I think many feel that they must wait for permission or wish it will happen but the down right truth is you make it happen. Heck I will admit to falling into this mindset in regards to transitioning but for years was the one "who is going to stop me" when it came to teaching specialty classes in self-defense. So it is possible to be of both mindsets and I

Transformation will it solve your problems?

Several months ago I wrote about a person who had a botched surgery where the outcome was rectovaginal fistula. My part was simply support prior to surgery and assist if needed with dilation processes. Well after just over a week out of the hospital I pretty much ended my involvement with her as she was taken back in for corrective surgery and have not spoke to her. Last night at a bar, several cross-dressers met, we were having a great time then she walked in, sat down, we all said hello. She d

Swingers club round 2

Continuing from my last entry, today I received an email (sent w/o giving out my personal address) from one of the men who was admiring me last weekend.  He gave his name but could not figure out between two of them which one it was. So I replied back and found out it was yet another man whom I did not expect to receive an email from. Then I looked at his user name "The Monster" and remembered the owner saying he might be a good fit for me. I was told he can go forever in bed and has a monster (

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