So after some prompting from the boyfriend (Really wasnt in the mood due to the news in the previous blog) I decided to get off my butt and dress up for halloween. I had to work this halloween which is fine because I love to see all the costumes and knew it would cheer me up somehow. He let me use him as my first victim before getting myself ready. Here's the Results: Justin as a skeleton thingie (first time Ive ever face painted someone) And me, A zombie Police officer, intended in reference
When it comes to being transgendered, it's not just an inside confession or a validation of yourself in your own mind, but it's an outward expression. It's a chance to take your gender that you were born with on the outside, and throw it in your trashcan, light that ***** on fire and say "Good Riddance"
But sometimes it's not as easy to figure out how to do that when it comes to clothes.
If you spent your life like me, wandering the Girls section at walmart and curling your nose at all the pin
Everyone has a bad day now and then.
Maybe they spilled their coffee, or the car wouldnt start, you stepped in a puddle up to your knee...could be anything.
Mine never start out with physicaly disturbances. Sure, I have trouble with my car. But it's forgivable. My Jeep is my baby. And when I cant afford to fix my baby, she has a tantrum. I forgive her for it.
Yeah there's days when my hair just does NOT want to agree and be tamed. Or when I seem to smash my fingers in everything I touch. But
I never thought of paperwork as a trigger. For anything really. Depression, anxiety, etc.
But I came to realize it today.
I woke up extra early and left to run some errands, knowing I had to build up some courage.
I paid my bill (some of it at least) to the hospital, and stopped by the local pharmacy for a few things for my costume on friday, then I made one more stop. The councilling building, where I'll be going.
After pulling into the driveway that I nearly passed by because I were nervou
So halloween went epic as ever
One of the challenges I faced as a (attempting) FTM is costumes...Sadly many costumes are gender based or seperated. Originally I were trying to go for the werewolf look, but it turned out to be a zombie from The Walking Dead. Either one was fine with me
I was one of the only ones who dressed up at work, and must say that I put the most work into mine.
One person was a Professor from Hogwarts and she looked really cool, another was a nurse, and the head manag
So I wanted to dye my hair and so something I've never done. I was curious what colors to do and etc, then I saw a message from a good friend you know who you are! But you said something that caught my attention. "Stay Frosty". I love jack frost!!!!!!!!! Even the old legends So blue it is!!! This required some bleaching which I've never done. But, here's how it went! Opinions welcome lol before: after bleach: after: Not sure how I feel about it yet lol If I'm still not 100% thrilled with it
Today I had another doctors appointment, which is my regular monthly thing.
I assume she were happy with what was going on, since she said she doesnt need to see me for another two months
I've officially gone from 225-230 pounds, all the way down to 214 She wants to see me down at 210 or lower by the end of Janurary. GAME ON!
So I kicked off my challange....with a bowl of ice cream. Darn it, I'm so bad at this >.<
We talked for a while about the gender thing, and she got me seriously
Hello, people of the pages. Ah the endless pages....
So, just like anything else we try to accomplish, there are always roadblocks.
Aside from the fact that I dont really know what to write about tonight, I thought I would ramble about an issue I'd been having today.
My Binder.
Technically speaking, I'm not sure if its actually a binder or not. It's a Torso Compression Tank from Manshape for FTMs. My first one I'd ever bought, EVER, so I probably got it wrong. Maybe?
Anyway, I wear it over
As I said, it's 5am.
5:47am to be exact.....
I wanted to write a blog, and try and toss down some of the emotions that are keeping me awake but at the moment...I feel like my brain has shut off completely. I'm not sure what to say, or how express myself right now.
I had a breakdown last night...I'd been wearing a lose sportsbra to bed at night because I absolutely HATE the feeling of "them" having any freedom while I'm trying to sleep.
But last night...I knew I had to take it off. It needed
I have a mental dilemma that has been plaguing my mind a little bit. Okay, a lot. It's sort of frustrating. It may be wrong of me and it may be slightly weird, but first of all, I'm Pansexual. No surprise there, I know. But if I can have a favorite 'type' of relationship, it would be guyXguy relationships. It's so cute! Something about it just really comforts me and its something I've always wanted, being that I'm, you know, Transmale. Some people associate me being Transgender with simply my wa
As you all know, tomorrow is thanksgiving, and like most of you I have a few things that need to get done. Obviously.
This year I'm going to my boyfriend's family's get together in an Inn at the top of a mountain. We've been there for last year's gathering and I'll admit, it's gorgeous and the view is absolutely the best (I'll post pictures when I can!)
But this year is going to be different for me, personally. Last year I were still enduring the dressy clothes and makeup and doing my hair and
So, after three weeks of healing, I went back for another session of what I thought would be torture. It turned out to be torture/torment/agony x10. Oh my lard I hurt soooooo soo bad, I went into shock twice and almost passed out a few times. It was probably the worst pain I'd ever felt, surpassing my several bones I've broken and even when I sliced open my palm on a hubcap. The guy (Tim) gave me two options. 1)suck it up, grin and bare it and let him finish it 100% and he'll try to be quick and
Well theres good parts and of course, bad parts, to life in general.
It started out where a lot of stress comes from in any average american, regardless of sexuality, gender, or lifestyle.
Your workplace.
My mind was deadset and my plans set, and I walked in with confidence and pride. I wanted my name tag officially changed away from my feminine name and to my male nickname of 'Ren'.
I was so set on it, I had my whole heart bursting with excitement. One little tiny piece of plastic to wear e
Hey guys, girls and uniques So someone asked me to update everyone on the new look for my gofundme account, and I'll include that below. Not much has happened really, not much to blog about anyway. Aside from my neighbor calling in tears because her elderly doberman-mutt dog, Wheezie, was told to be put down by an emergency Vet. The poor 13 yr old pup was laying on the floor in her own feces, whining and unable to stand, her hind legs stretched out towards her front awkwardly. My neighbor, who
So today I made very slight progress, though it put me in a bad mood all day and made things very disappointing.
After exchanging very brief emails with the plastic surgeon center at the nearest large hospital in my area, I finally decided to call them and get a quick estimate on what I'd be looking at for a top surgery plus anything else that may or may not be required.
To be honest, I'm not sure exactly what I was hoping for.
It's not like they'd start giggling like the littlest elf and off
Tuesday, Again.
By now you've figured out (most likely) that Tuesday is my Therapy day.
I'll be honest that therapy has not been as horrible as I had imagined it to be, and honestly it kind of feels good to sit there and just talk. We dont even have to talk about anything important, really. But knowing that what I say wont really leave her office, and we're by ourselves...it allows me to open up and talk freely. It's really nice, and I end up leaving with a weight off my shoulders.
Not say
Today is tuesday, and as some of you know, tuesday is my therapy day. The day I suck up my blahness, climb out of bed, and go sit and chitchat with my therapist about...basically everything and anything.
But this time, I broke down after I left her office. I sat in my car, gripped the steeringwheel and attempted to get a grip on myself, before finally breaking down and bawling my pathetic eyes out.
I feel like she gave up on me already.
I were originally instructed to see a therapist for my
Since I am more able to express/explain myself on paper or online, I decided that since I'll be in town that I should get my butt in gear and suck up my pride.
So, I did research. I wrote emails. And...I wrote a letter to my therapist.
I'm gonna share it, since I figured it might give others ideas, and hopefully what I did was right.
"Dear _____,
I hope your Thanksgiving went well and you didnt get buried in all the snow. I talked to a few online friends about my last visit with you, and d
Hello again lol So I have something I wanna talk about. Anxiety at work. This came to mind shortly after watching a bit of a recent movie (cant remember the name of it. Something to do with a woman working in fast food, getting fired, then robbing the place). It really brought up some memories of my first time working for Dunkin Donuts. My anxiety disorder was basically ruling my life at that point, but I desperatly needed a job and I was willing to take what I could get. Sadly, it ended up bein
Okay, I will admit and submit to my foolhardy wish for winter. Yes, I did crave a nice snowfall. Some nice puffy snowbanks would have been nice, ON CHRISTMAS. But now that it's Janurary, the sudden drop of -3F weather and ice covered everything is getting really old. It's not that I dont like the cold (hell, I've been going to work in my work sweater and work boots as my only bundling up causes lol) But the fact that it rained directly afterwards and coated everything in inch thick ice is really
I never thought I would be here...at this impass of live. That moment when the fairy tales seem to take life and not in their usual good manner. The moment when a step-parent becomes the wicked witch or that menacing warlock. I never thought I'd be a part of it... Joey is his name. On first impression, I knew I didnt like him. His eyes told of selfishness and laziness. His posture spoke of sexism and over-tried alpha tendancies. His breath rank of an unrecognizable stench that turned my stomac
As some of you might know, I had my sixteen year old sister down at my place for about a week. The reason I did this was simple. She needed out.
I look at my little sister and see a perfect replica of me at her age. Shy, outcasted, punk, stylish, misunderstood, and above all...depressed. She'd decided that eating is not something she HAS to do, and has resorted to eating about once a day, or even less on occasion. She hides in her room, away from the world. Not that I can blame her....my mother
Okay so I wanted to throw up a really quick blog entry for my friend Amy, who has recently decided to start up her Youtube channel with an introduction video If you guys/girls would like to check it out, please feel free to give her a thumbs up and some support (my brain is so fried from no sleep i wrote thamb up and some supper lol guess im hungry XD) Sending some love your way, Amy!! Warren
Well, this is my second blog on here.
It's been a long while since I were on here, mostly due to password issues. XD
ANYWAY: the trip up to see my family went much better than I had expected, to be honest. My family had always been the judgemental type. You know the kind....all cops are pigs, governments out to get us, gays are weird, etc etc etc. So NATURALLY I were petrified to talk to my mother about my transgender issues. Of course I had already informed my older sister of what was going o
These past two days have both been wonderful, and difficult.
Prideful, and shameful.
It started out with a simple errand. My boyfriend had to work, so I went into town on my own, something I rarely get the opportunity to do. So I threw on my binder and a lose black sweater and my jeans, and wandered half an hour from home to do my errands. Grab some groceries, refill on meds, things of that nature. One thing that I needed to pick up, was an auto paint pen. For those of you who arent sure wha
