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Michele800226's Blog

A blog by Michele800226 in General

  • Entries

    62

  • Comments

    149

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    25,675

About this blog

What popped into my head

Entries in this blog

Is this freaked out, elation, flabbergasted, working for me???

Hi all.             Not that many days have past since I gave my last update.   Being doing the fitness boot camp as I said, and on Thursday got certificates for attendance.  Wasn't weird that completed it, but then I got the best improved on burpees, lol that was hilarious.  Sat there and thought it was over and here I get called up for another thing.   Well, I had on this confused face and all.  Got up and went in because I somehow without knowing it became a couch as well.  And my surprise is

Motivation of a weird form

Because of discussions on how Trans and the general LGBTI community gets treated in by medical staff, police, well government employees, hasn't made me think of this all that much. Because I've always been treated with a certain level of respect and dignity, which I always needed to earn or demand. I'm also a government employee as you all know, so this shocked me when my group had to deal with a M2F that didn't pass. This poor teenaged girl was treated absurdly and persecuted even more so

Knowing myself

Hi there   Blessed be to all.   As I start off thinking about myself, I know if I could change anything about myself, it would be: My gender by protecting myself from having to experience gender specific issues the world have, Keep my height and weight Be fit and limber, a perfectionist when it comes to kungfu, tai chi, tae kwan do, and numerous other martial arts formforms Speak language I stil understand and more, German, Dutch, Italian, French, Spanish, Mandarin, Japanese, Korean, Taiwanese,

Just realized (n Bek Vol)

I never thought of it like this...   Okay, we all probably never thought of it, okay make that the persons who never gave the world a chance to influence and change your gender.  I've always been trapped in a body with a body part belonging to someone else.  And even as a child I would ask everyone, "WHERE DO YOU SEE A BOY, BECAUSE IF YOU TALKING TO ME, I'M NOT LISTENING AS I AM NOT A BOY!!!"   So did I give my parents the chance to grieve the loss of a son they never had, or is my mother just t

Long time coming

Hi there everybody   Can't say that it's been a long time, but I've been busy and attempting to get this done for a while now.   So I recently got my medical aid bill, and low and behold i underwent radiology for the week I was in hospital without me knowing.  I know precisely which drip it was in after thought, but still I like my doctors to be open to me because that is what I do.  If I wasn't open, I would've let them put me with the guys, and never have told the medical staff I was transgend

Blending in as an option

Good day all   I do miss those days when I could unassumingly just blend into an ocean of faces without even a second glans.   What has changed????   Well that rock on top of me, it's not even a chip anymore.  Yes had the burden of not being any person in particular, because showing my feelings or true self would end in my world imploding.   Confidence.  Well check the pics in my last few updates.  The more relaxed, confident persona I exude now then back

Tears I shed

Why tears.  Well I've always been an emotionally strong woman.  Yes, strong as in vocalizing what I think and how I do thigs, as well as not needing a Knight to save me I can save him too...  I'm a fighter after all.   Well in the last month I've been disciplined for not informing my commander about a lone child on street late at night!  I asked if that wasn't part and parcel of my work to serve and protect, and if so.  Give me a written instruction stating I should leave a defenseless five year

Bye bye reproductivity

Hi all   Went for my bi annual endocrinology check at the end of January 2017, and all went well.   Then for a urology check up, more like an appointment date for my bilateral orchidectomy on 2 March 2017.  And got an appointment date for 7 March 2017, which was yesterday.   I had 4 days to prepare for surgery so went and stocked up on pads (sanitary towels) for the possible bleeding, paid the doctors fees of basically R4000.00 and the requested the bill from the hospital which the doctor estima

How I feel about you, Gym...

I clearly don't need to go, but I somehow have decided that 35 might be the year things slow down for me. I eat half of what I used to, sometimes anything from 25% and up and I'm filled. Lets rather say, I also started a relationship which I need to end on one or two levels. Therefore I will either just say Gym, which means sex, and Go or Going to the Gym, which has the meaning of the words to exercise. GYM What I like about it is, I've finally started enjoying it, so my hiatus from A

PMS once more

Seeing that I have the time on my hands let make this one clear.   For 5 days out of the month, I am on a lower dosage of estrogen, and it kinda makes me cranky as hell.  Reason being is that I have decided to go the medically induced period cycle, and I know it is motha of all hell pain cramps, because I've always had these cramps from my 9th birthday.  Some months it's good and I'm just cranky as hell.  Other months it is so bad, I cramp and start crying from the pain.  But I know it is now in

Annual Symptoms

Well, each year this time I'm faced with the same feelings and emotions, that got amplified after my father passed away. February strikes, everything seems fine, and as the nears the last week emotions run wild, literally and figuratively. Okay, my birthday and I have never seen eye to eye. Yes, I know it's just a day, but somehow it manages to find a way to screw me over. This years isn't so big, but I can't find a place with available space, so romantic weekend away is spoilt. To

Ouch, and why now. okay if you give me what i want, fine!

Hi everyone   Let me say this.  Ouch is literally currently happening to me.  I got this sharp pain yesterday in my abdominal region and this morning it extended it's range to my crotch area.  So ouch stand for pain and bleeding, that I think I can handle till later, but will definitely go to the doc tomorrow.  Okay, I'm also guessing that I'm postponing getting medical attention so I can possibly get the results I desire.   What I can say is, don't do what I do, because it can result in a dange

35 Today

Quite frankly a birthday has never been at the top of my to do list, unless the list is on how to evade a birthday. Today, Thursday 2015-02-26, I turned 35 years old. This Capetonian trans lady sometimes, grabs the bull by its horns, make that balls. And then there are days that started off like today, I cried and just couldnt understand why. Now most of the times when I go through this day, I cant wait for it to be over. Like today, so a normal day that I hate this day. One, I was bor

Validation or Continuous Fight

Hello all   This question is now running through my mind, when does validation turn into the continuous fight for acceptance?   Well, validation comes when you original start accepting yourself and other acknowledges this by using the correct pronoun's for you, and also accepts you for being yourself.  Or at least that is how I look at it.   The continuous fight for acceptance happens when resistance is felt by you that others can't accept you, and won't without a fight.  Almost when you know yo

Greater things to come

Hi there all.   I have mentioned that I was applying to an internal post at work, and that it implies that I will by an acting fleet manager.   On the 30 September 2015 I was officially informed that my application for the post was successful.  The amazing part was, that all my competition were butch guys and little feminine old me won the race, and I didn't come second, third or any other number other then number 1.   I started on 7 October 2015 at 07:30 and my first day was a blast.  I enjoyed

And again

Good day all   I am again in this same situation that I was, but not as bad, just this captain wants everything in writing.  Fine by me, and here is the chance again to make everyone around me squirm.  Yes, I will be the bitch again.   No it is actually a short thing, just to vent that I need to get everything again, just to be myself.   Seeing my doc on Tuesday, so will be asking again for other documentation to just make the world stop and gasp again.   Not venting just saying, as the stupid a

WE ALL HAVE TO, DON'T WE???

Generally Speaking   No matter if you CIS, Trans, Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Queer.  All of us went through the phase of exploration.  Be it to discover your gender or sexuality or which careers we wanted to follow, because you don't look, behave or think like everyone else you talk to.  Sometimes, not even your parents have an answer for you, make that most of the times.  And when you finally got an answer from somewhere, it takes us all different timeframes to accept or initiate the change we so desire

Girls can be tough too

The police haven't sent me on training in while, and here its for the newest entry at work. So having had training in Shotguns, R5 Assault Rifles, RAP401 and Piettro Beretta Mod92 9mm Pistols a decade back, was like funny to for me the only girl with the hard ass guys I work with and some men I can sneeze over. 5 minutes later firearm training over, I know my firearm, so off to the shooting range. Why didn't you train the other stations people. This guy looks like he is afraid in front of

With or Without Support

Got asked about documentation my mom couldn't find, so I handed her what I stored away in the safe.  After finding the documents, I reiterated that it might be difficult to do what she wants as my gender marker and first name are being changed slightly.  And all I got was, it's your life and your problem when I'm dead.   I've always known my support came from my father, so with the lack of support from the one we call Hammie (what my siblings and I call our mother).  But I also know, that out of

To Topdeck or Not To Topdeck

Everyone will ask why you asking about chocolates, right.  Actually wrong.   I've never been bound by race or religion, when it came and still comes to men intriguing me.  But I've always had a thing for someone taller and bigger body structured then my 1.74m (5ft8) structure and around 140Lbs.  The top criterion above all else, is he needs to have respect, love and adoration for me.   Okay, I grew up in a time when interracial relationships were a no no, but I am grateful my dad crossed all bou

To make-up or not

Hi everyone   Apparently I'm loving these to do or not to do's.  But let's just say, they come after experiences I've gone through.   This week that passed was no different from others.  Seeing that for my last few weeks at work I've been going to the shooting range, with the only difference that I actually got to shoot.  So 1 less day of actually working for me, because I'd normally return to work after a long drive.   Friday, as per usual.  I got up earlier to be at work before 06:00 and get w

Months Away, with new challenges

Hi all, haven't been around for a while and yes.  I still hope that everyone is doing well.   One of the most recent things that happened was a dreadful birthday, where I was feeling depressed and violated to the extend that I stayed indoors as I got home the day before and didn't leave my bed except for bathroom breaks and eating obviously, (from the Thursday evening till the Monday around noon.  Didn't even answer any calls, just played games on my tablet and basically slept the whole time.  

What is right can never be wrong

Having never been in hiding, I cant say how it feels to have come out to the world. It's in your face obvious that I'm special and unique. And this package is a police official too. So lete go through a decade of trials and tribulations in an organization that is male orientated with almost no ability to change.My decade started off with bam, because not only was I attacked and attempted to convince me that I'm wrong in who I am and portray. Gloating to everyone that she has put me in my pla

More then a week into my new post

Okay, on day one I was exhausted and still went to the gym.   This week I managed to go to the gym 3 days with my friend.  One I couldn't go because I had to attend to a work function.   What I noticed on Wednesday was.  Meeting day is a crappy day to be at the station.  I should thank the heavens that I wasn't put in charge of typing the minutes as well.  I hate doing minutes.   I had to sit in some meeting that was super boring.  And another where I call it a crap out parade.  Shame this one C

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