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On Being...Me

A blog by Chrissy in General

  • Entries

    106

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    379

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    45,080

Entries in this blog

New path

Hi all, It's been awhile since I've been able to write - very busy at work, and outside of work (the outside part is all good, but tiring). In a prior post I wrote about an "exit strategy" from my current job, and that point has advanced substantially.  Several weeks ago I had breakfast with my electrologist (her appointment after me had cancelled). I was telling her about my job issues and half-jokingly asked if she knew anyone who was hiring. She replied that I was asking the wrong question, a

Reflection on the past year

Hi everyone, I recently finished my first year of school (I'm doing the 2-year MSW program at NYU) and decided that I needed a little get-away (emphasis on "little" - I don't really like traveling all that much, and can't afford much). So I decided on a day trip to the shore - my goal going into the day was to not think backwards or forward, just to try to be in the present. Of course, as I mentioned to a friend later, it was a little weird that I chose to go to a place that we used to go to all

Some thoughts and question on gender and sexual orientation

Good morning everyone! We're having a nice breezy, rainy day in NYC today (which is fine for Monday). I've been thinking about my gender and sexual orientation a lot recently, specifically as they relate to each other, and wanted to put my thoughts out here to see if anyone has some ideas on the topic First, I do realize that gender and sexual orientation are different things, and they we do all have both of them. What I've been thinking about lately though is that for quite awhile I'

coming out - getting ready

So, I asked a friend (cis-woman) if we could do lunch on Saturday - just said for now there was something I wanted to talk about. I plan to "come out" to her as transgender. It feels a little anti-climactic, after all she already knows I cross-dress and not for fetish reasons. But, outside of my therapist she will be the first person to whom (yes, i'm trying to keep "whom" alive!) I will have self-identified as trans. To me I think the big thing, besides actually saying it out loud, is th

GRS Part II

Hi again, I wanted to post some more now that I've actually had my surgery (YAY!!!!), especially for anyone thinking about or planning the surgery themselves - everyone's experience is different, but this might give some things to consider: Monday, Dec. 26 - I arrived in Philadelphia and checked-in to my hotel.  Went to a Target Express nearby to load up on food and beverages for the days after surgery when I'd be at the hotel, knowing that getting out for food would be tough.  Around noon I sta

Thanksgiving

Hi all, Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'm not sure, since I haven't written lately, if I mentioned writing to my brother a few weeks ago about my transition (we don't speak often, so calling about it felt weird).  Anyway, he's not the most progressive thinking person, so I didn't know how he's react - and it had been a couple of weeks, so... He called me tonight.  He admitted to not understanding it (but heck, I don't either), but he said he's not going to judge and he is supportive He had some

Happenings and such

Happy Monday everyone! I had my latest endocrinologist appointment last Thursday and he increased my estrogen prescription (to 2 mg from 1 mg), so that was exciting :-) We're having a reception at work this Thursday for someone who just made a large donation to the school ($5 million), which I'll be working at/attending.  So I realized that I needed to get something to wear - something a little dressier than what I have.  That lead to a trip to Kohl's where I found a dress, but I wasn't entirely

Transgender "Community"

This is a topic I've been thinking about a lot, and have been wanting to write something about - so here goes!!! It's the concept of a transgender "community" - does it exist?  Should it exist? It came up during the support group that I facilitate on Saturdays, so I thought it might be time to look at the issue myself a little more deeply - and see what others think :-) In 2 separate contexts I was told by people - who knew I was in the process of transitioning - that they knew trans people who

New Name...

Good afternoon everyone! I mentioned in a post last week that I had started using Christie at work, in addition to everywhere else in my life.  This week, with the approval of the Dean and Associate Dean, I asked our IT Dept. to change my email address, which they did without question and quite quickly (within an hour of my request - and they NEVER do anything that fast). An email is being put together to send to the students I work directly with, and then another for the full school which won't

Mon anniversaire

Bonjour toute le monde! As it's passed midnight it's now officially my birthday - 49 years old today (really at 12:39 pm). In prior years i've swung between not wanting to think about it being my birthday, to putting too much emphasis and really wanting to celebrate (which never worked our as planned).  This year I feel content with doing whatever comes up and otherwise doing some introspection and planning.  I might go down to the shore (the "beach" for those of you not from New Jersey). I went

"Wonder Woman"

I cannot believe I haven't written about this yet!  Last Friday I saw "Wonder Woman," and it was truly amazing. There are things I could be critical of (the messaging in a few spots was a little heavy handed and the effects in a couple of areas a little cheesy), but overall I think it's a truly great movie (and I'm not really into superhero movies). I won't say much about the movie because I don't want to do any spoilers - but there were moments when I was moved to tears, and moments when I felt

Silly people in the street

As I walked home today, I was behind a person who ran into someone he knows and said - quite loud - "men trying to become women, that [bleep] burns me up."  He was ahead of me, so I don't know if it was directed at me (he may have turned and noticed). Anyway, I didn't confront him (I don't make a habit of confronting random idiots on the street, seems like a wise course), but my thought was "well that's not right, i'm not a man trying to become a woman, i'm a woman no longer trying to be a man."

NY Pride - reflections

Hi all, It took me a little to figure out how to get my pics on here (apparently I can't do it on my phone, it has to be on a computer so that I can resize the pics).  Below are three pics - two of them show the top that I wore for Pride - they gave us the t-shirts for marching with NYU, I modified mine, cuz ya know, boobs. It worked out nicely since the "Y" in "NYU" is centered so that I could cut the V into the top of it. One of these also shows the Trans pride flag that I had for the march :-

"True Selves"

Hi all, I heard about this book in several blogs and/or forums last week as I was catching up, and I immediately purchased it. I've gotten about a quarter of the way through it (I picked up the pace considerably when I decided to read it during my commute, which is when I do most of my reading). I just finished the section on childhood years and it's already had a substantial impact on my thinking. In terms of being transsexual I would probably say that I'm not, but as I read more I beco

2 months...

Hi everyone, I've been less active here recently because of my new position at work - i actually have work to do   But I am  still trying to keep up with reading entries! It's been 2 months of living full-time as a woman, and about the same on hormones.  With the exception of being misgendered a couple of times it's been wonderful. Between this and my new job I don't think i've ever felt such contentment. I do wish my sister would come around, but fortunately i've come out to other family member

Gender Identity Exploration

Hi all, Well, since last I wrote I have become unemployed – YAY!  It was by choice, I had been planning on going back to school part-time when my employer offered a reasonably generous “buy out” package, so I took it – this way I can go back to school full-time and finish in 2 years instead of 3 (I’ll be attending NYU in the fall, going for a Masters in Social Work). So for the next 2 months, until Orientation on August 31, I am completely free. What I hadn’t considered was the “identity crisi

Happy Holidays!

Hi all, It's been a busy few weeks so I haven't had a chance to read or write here - I hope everyone is having a nice holiday season! My year is ending on a nice flourish.  First, I went back to Social Security with my new doctor's note and they've now corrected my gender in their records - and the woman I dealt with was extremely nice - possibly because she knows that what happened last time was so wrong.  She also referred to me as "ma'am" several times I got my new birth certificate the same

Finding Peace

Ok people, so this isn't technically - or at least not fully - about being trans, but something I need an outlet for.  It might be a bit meandering. I've been going through a difficult stretch, including a series of "endings" that have left me feeling - well, I don't quite know, but I know a thought that has crossed my mind several times is "when will I find peace?" The endings - (1) I'm applying to grad school and on Friday got a rejection from one of them - the one that was by far my first cho

"I am Cait" - episode 3

I didn't think this would become a weekly thing, going in I assumed I would get tired of the show pretty quickly (being on E and all), but no, I'm not.  The show really is getting better and better each week, and my respect for Caitlyn grows with it (she is exec producer, so nothing happening on the show is happening without her). This week they spent more time with the less fortunate trans people in San Francisco, and Caitlyn seemed sincerely moved and in fact did a couple of really great thing

Updates - coming out, and orientation epiphany!

Happy Friday everyone! I made several fairly significant steps this week.  In terms of "presentation" there was only one day that I was wearing typically male clothing (and the reason for that has now passed, so it doesn't need to happen again).  In addition to the mascara and lip gloss that I was already doing, I wore nail polish all week (including a very noticeable red on Wednesday).  And I'm getting better at curling my hair to match what the hair stylist did, so my hair style is decidedly m

Update

Hi all! So my recovery seems to be going well. I had my follow-up with the surgeon and they removed the packing and tubes. That felt so much better! They showed me how to dilate - wasn't too bad. Yesterday I came home - I've never been so happy to be home! Recovery is easier in my own place with my own stuff. For 4 weeks I have to dilate 4x a day for 20 minutes each. I'm still working on my positioning, it gets a little uncomfortable and tedious, but I'll survive :-) Otherwise for now it's a lot

...but this time...

This is basically part 2 of my previous entry about work issues. I totally agree with everyone who followed-up suggesting holding out until surgeries are done, I can't imagine starting a new job and then telling them I'm going to be out for X weeks, so better to do it now, which also lets me get more experience. The problem is that that's an "exit strategy," but it doesn't address how to cope on a daily basis with a job situation that I find basically humiliating.  I don't like the idea of tryin

Hello Gorgeous, and more

Hi all, a couple of quick recent anecdotes... 1. On my way to therapy the other day a random guy on the street (a contractor I believe, waiting outside a building) said "hello gorgeous" to me as I passed   I smiled at him, said hello and carried on. The downside is that it put me in a really good mood ... on my way to therapy!!! That doesn't help   2. I may have met someone the other night when I was out ... well, I definitely met someone, but it could be "someone" - I may know more tomorrow, we

"Transition"

Hi all, So I wanted to throw this out for discussion - I've been thinking recently about the term "transition" as it relates to the trans community. For starters, I hope nothing that I say here will suggest that I think everyone needs to use the same terminology, particularly for their own experience and journey - it's our story, it's our terminology! But in a broader perspective, I have some concerns about the term "transition."  Transition is defined as "the process or a period of changing fro

Another week done...

Just some random thoughts as another week comes to an end and I get ready for a 4-day weekend (YAY!) I mentioned in an earlier post that this week I finally wore shoes (2 days) that are clearly women's.  This was also the first week that I've gone 100% in female clothing.  I'm still getting more "sirs" than I'd like, and someone yesterday commented on what I was wearing saying "I respect a man who can wear pink."  Those things all make me wonder "what more do I have to do!?!?" Well, that's my we

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