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On Being...Me

A blog by Chrissy in General

  • Entries

    106

  • Comments

    379

  • Views

    45,600

Entries in this blog

Dress up time!

This past weekend we hosted a moot court competition at our school, and as Moot Court staff administrator I was very involved in the planning, and naturally attended the Saturday night reception for the event.  It was my first real opportunity to "dress up"   The picture below is me (on the left) and 2 students. I did realize on Friday night as I was packing up for the next day that I had never really dressed in plum before, so I didn't know what color make-up to use - fortunately Google exists

Doubts...no, just fears...but moving on!

Good morning everyone!  It's so nice starting my week on a Wednesday!! I kind of knew going in that this journey was going to be scary, but it's different when you face the reality.  I overcome a fear and take a step, and then discover that the next step is even scarier.  I trust that at SOME point that trend reverses.  This morning I added a couple of more elements to my day-to-day make-up regimen.  I was already doing mascara, nail polish, and a clear lip gloss.  Today I added eye liner, blush

Costumes and reality

Good morning everyone, On Friday I mentioned that I had a goal over the weekend to go out "presenting as a woman" (as opposed to just appearing far more feminine than I used to).  I wasn't 100% certain what that meant when I said it, but on Sunday I did follow through.  I was fortunate that the drag queen who I always go see on Tuesday was doing a special Sunday Brunch show at noon, so I used that as my location.   Much of what I did was pretty typical for what I do already.  I wore my gray "Blo

Coming out ... step-by-step

First, if any of you haven't heard the Junior Vaquez remix of Whitney Houston's "Step by Step" - you should check it out This has been a productive week in terms of coming out for me. I've now told all of my closest friends (in person or in writing) that I am transgender. In most cases it wasn't a surprise to them, and the support has been universal. My favorite light-hearted response was from my friend Chris (who is my closest friend among the group) who said "Woo hoo! Does that mean I'

coming out - getting ready

So, I asked a friend (cis-woman) if we could do lunch on Saturday - just said for now there was something I wanted to talk about. I plan to "come out" to her as transgender. It feels a little anti-climactic, after all she already knows I cross-dress and not for fetish reasons. But, outside of my therapist she will be the first person to whom (yes, i'm trying to keep "whom" alive!) I will have self-identified as trans. To me I think the big thing, besides actually saying it out loud, is th

cloudy day

Hi all, After a very affirmative weekend I'm feeling a little "overcast." It's certainly fueled in part by other things going on in my life (i'm sure I mentioned in another entry that I have a job that I often hate), but it's drifting over here. I know there are some people on here who are around my age (i'm 48, 49 in july), so i'm hoping somebody might have some words of encouragement if they'very felt this way. I'very been thinking back about my childhood a lot recently, thinking abo

Catching up

Hi everyone, I just noticed it's been about 3 weeks since I've written anything!  It's been a bit of a whirlwind lately, but mostly in a good or great way. The biggest update is that as of October 19 my name will officially, legally become Christie Ann  :-)    Then begins the long process of changing my name everywhere (I have a lengthy list going - I just spent some time prioritizing - driver's license, credit cards, HR at work, etc.).  Using that as a basis I sent a group-wide email to family

Bringing my life together

Last Friday I was having lunch with a friend from school - he and I were at the same field placement last year and got into the habit of going to Taco Bell for lunch every Wednesday, we've moved the day around but have continued the practice. I would say he's the best friend that I've made so far in school, we always have great conversations - if neither of us have anything else scheduled our lunches often turn into all afternoon things (we don't stay at Taco Bell the whole time, we walk around)

Bottom Surgery!!!

As I mentioned in my last posting, I had a consultation in Philadelphia on Monday about bottom surgery - it went very well, I liked the surgeon a lot and liked the work that she showed me.  So I'm scheduled for December 27 :-) I had anticipated waiting until spring because of school, but classes finish in the fall on December 23, and there's over a month before spring classes, so this worked out, and financially it's VERY helpful as it lets me get this under my current insurance, and in the same

Bored at work and other updates...

I see I haven't updated since April 28, so I'm behind on a few items :-) My job - where I've worked for 10+ years now - recently announced employee buy-outs b/c they need to cut the budget.  Since I was already planning on going back to school, I took the buy-out and will now go back full-time (to NYU for a Masters in Social Work). Now I'm just here at work riding out my time until probably June 30 - it's SOOOO boring!!! On other fronts - next Monday I have a consult with a bottom surgeon in the

Book Project

Hi all, I met on Tuesday with a person who is working on a book project about "transformations." Although not gender-specific, she indicated that most of the people she thinks will be featured will be female. One section of the book will be dedicated to trans-identified people, and it looks like I'm going to be one of them  Each person featured will have a short blurb, something about their story of transformation, and then a few related pictures. I'll write the initial blurb myself - my slant o

Birthday Blog

Hi all, My birthday is technically still 2 days away, but since I have access to a computer right now I thought I'd do this now. It seems like a good moment to just reflect on the past few years. First a quick timeline! March 2015 - this isn't really the beginning of the story, but this is when I actually recognized that I am transgender, and then shared that with my therapist. There was about a year or two of cross-dressing and exploring that lead to this point. One vital take-away is that from

Being "out" at school

Hi all, On Saturday I had lunch with a friend from school - and then we hung out for a few hours. I know him well, we were at the same field placement during our first year and we share a love of Taco Bell :-)   A discussion we had along the way on Saturday was about being "out" in class. With me it's about my transgender identity, with him it's about being a military veteran. On the surface for both of us is a desire to not be "the ___ student" (me "the trans student"). For him that might reall

Background....

I've been wanting to do this for my own purposes anyway, but since I have a blog now I should use it! In exploring my gender I've thought a lot about the past and anything that might have been an indicator of what I really was (am!). The earliest item is my very first best friend (only friend for awhile) - Missy (totally ironic that I now use that name for my drag name). I'm not even sure when we became friends, we were both younger than 5 years old though. She lived down the street from

Another week over...

So 3 updates as another week comes to an end... I met yesterday with our Dean and Associate Dean - it was a very positive, encouraging meeting.  They proposed how to handle communicating my transition to my new name (and transition generally) to a broader audience (the students I work with directly, and then a general communication to the entire school which wouldn't identify me directly but would discuss the school's policies, etc. re transgender faculty/staff/students).  They also made it clea

Another week done...

Just some random thoughts as another week comes to an end and I get ready for a 4-day weekend (YAY!) I mentioned in an earlier post that this week I finally wore shoes (2 days) that are clearly women's.  This was also the first week that I've gone 100% in female clothing.  I'm still getting more "sirs" than I'd like, and someone yesterday commented on what I was wearing saying "I respect a man who can wear pink."  Those things all make me wonder "what more do I have to do!?!?" Well, that's my we

Another step closer

I had my weekly therapy session today and she confirmed that she had faxed the needed letter to my surgeon to authorize my top surgery - yay!  In this case insurance doesn't actually require it, but the surgeon does - needed a letter from a therapist confirming gender dysphoria. I called and confirmed that they got it, and they did - tomorrow they'll be contacting the insurance company to start the pre-authorization process. It isn't happening until August, but I still was happy to see it moving

A sweet gesture by a stranger

Good morning everyone, I've many times heard the suggestion about doing a random act of kindness for a stranger and this morning I learned from the recipient end what a wonderful suggestion it really is! I was on the PATH train coming in to work (I had amazingly gotten a seat!) and I was reading "True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism." A few minutes in, the woman sitting next to me handed me a note, it read: "I saw title of your book. I think your courage to be who you want to be

A new week...

Good morning everyone! I spent some time this past weekend thinking about my "next steps."  I've exhausted (I think) most of the subtle steps that I can take, I get the feeling that whatever I do next in terms of transition will be quite noticeable, which prompted me to wonder how ready I am for that.  Wondering how ready I am made me then wonder whether it was fear holding me back a little (answer = yes). It helped a little (a lot) that I sat down at one point and wrote out a list of what I see

A beginning...of sorts

Hi everyone, So I just recently discovered this site, and since my transition is still relatively new I thought a blog would be a good idea - to keep track of things for myself and see what others might have to offer I guess I'll use this entry for a little background. My transition began in earnest about a year and a half ago (it was sometime in the summer of 2013). I started with cross-dressing and discovered quickly that every time I took a step thinking it was for reason "A" it tur

318

Hi all, I've been a very bad TGGuide citizen, the new job has kept me much busier than the former! I had an appointment with my endocrinologist yesterday - my testosterone level is down to 318 now (from mid-400s last time) - so it's getting there!  He increased my estrogen prescription to 3mg/day, and said to go up to 4mg in a couple of months, then I'll see him again shortly after that :-) On the less medical side, I had 2 medical professionals (my endocrinologist and therapist) both say to me

3 Weeks on HRT

Hi everyone, I've now been on HRT for 3 weeks - I know the dosage started low, so my expectations of seeing "drastic" changes was set accordingly.  Having said that, these are the things I've observed (or think I've observed) so far: (1) Sex drive - this has definitely flat-lined at this point, and it's been the case for over a week now.  Attractions are still there, but desire to act on them is non-existent.  Masturbation has also gone away entirely (which frees up a good amount of time on the

2 months...

Hi everyone, I've been less active here recently because of my new position at work - i actually have work to do   But I am  still trying to keep up with reading entries! It's been 2 months of living full-time as a woman, and about the same on hormones.  With the exception of being misgendered a couple of times it's been wonderful. Between this and my new job I don't think i've ever felt such contentment. I do wish my sister would come around, but fortunately i've come out to other family member

"Wonder Woman"

I cannot believe I haven't written about this yet!  Last Friday I saw "Wonder Woman," and it was truly amazing. There are things I could be critical of (the messaging in a few spots was a little heavy handed and the effects in a couple of areas a little cheesy), but overall I think it's a truly great movie (and I'm not really into superhero movies). I won't say much about the movie because I don't want to do any spoilers - but there were moments when I was moved to tears, and moments when I felt

"True Selves"

Hi all, I heard about this book in several blogs and/or forums last week as I was catching up, and I immediately purchased it. I've gotten about a quarter of the way through it (I picked up the pace considerably when I decided to read it during my commute, which is when I do most of my reading). I just finished the section on childhood years and it's already had a substantial impact on my thinking. In terms of being transsexual I would probably say that I'm not, but as I read more I beco

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