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Learning to grow

A blog by Briannah in General

  • Entries

    140

  • Comments

    285

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    49,695

About this blog

This is Bree's journal talking about how life changes, and how you grow with them (probably with the occasional freakout, I'm good at panic mode too!).  Life has been hard since day one, and not doing it alone is the key!

Entries in this blog

Cat crisis averted, for the time being.

So...I'm starting to feel like some kinda superhero or something.  Nikki was messaging me all day, he's really upset about how the cat is doing, she's hasn't been eating and getting skinnier and skinnier.  So I told him stop at the pet store and get kitten canned food.  Which he couldn't find, so we settled on Iams.  The reason I was trying to find kitten specific food is that it has a much higher fat content to it, and I suspicion is very tasty.  Yuriko did everything she good to scarf Logan's

Can it really be...summer???

So I think summer has finally hit.  Or it's all a cruel, Bree-squashing joke of the weather and global warming.  But the pool is up, there has been swimming, Nikki's mood is lifting steadily as the Zoloft seems to be taking effect, and there is talk about getting the grill cleaned up and prepped for the season.  We planted one of those gorgeous Japanese Seiryu maples on the side of the house, please live little tree, take the transplant well.  Gave it root encouragement liquid (dunno what else t

Can I just please have some air?

All the symptoms but the lung congestion have fallen away.  If it's not gone by Tuesday, I'm going to back to see Bethany because I've had things like this turn into Pnuemonia before.   And the last thing Nikki needs just before he starts seeing the therapist is for me to go from sick to 'into real trouble'.  Blargh.  I feel like I want to cough out my lungs, windpide, and or esophagus.  And I have this irrational fear that I"m ruining the weekends girl time, even though Nikki says he's not feel

Bree Freakout over something weird.

So Nikki was explaining binaurial tones to me, especially in the therapeutic uses in various diseases such as Parkinsons and so on, and that they are often used for relaxation and sleep aids.  He's not really happy with my out there sleeping habits currently, and he's right, I'm needing the pills too often, and my brain is getting stuck in high gear.  So I've been trying them for while, following the instructions, trying to relax, just the tones, the tones with a hypnosis induction, I WANTED thi

Being the parrtner sucks.

Nikki is going through some serious painful topics in therapy, nothing I can do.  Not a thing.  He has to sort all of it out, and it will be good for him, but I'm not stupid, he's hurting and nothing I can say or do can take that away until he works through it all.  I'm here, ready with the comfort and the hugs and the reinforcement, but that only goes so far.  I suspicion everyone here knows that.  The sheer helplessness sucks.  I WANT to be able to help him, to make it all better, and make all

Bad week.

Having a crap week, and am going offline for a bit to sort it all out.  ​ Last week I was feeling...odd.  Especially late at night.  Saturday night I felt really odd, and checked my fitbit, and had a crazy high pulse rate for laying down.  40 bpm above my usual resting rate doing nothing.  So after goofling symptoms off the er I want, were I spent the next five ours waiting to find out if I was having a heart attack, pneumonia, viral infection, acid reflux onset, or a mineral deficiency (and tho

Autumn Sad

Sometimes cliches exist for a reason, and as excited as I get when the pool goes up, as happy as I am in it all summer, I never really hit the full depth of how much that pool means to me as when I am facing the oncoming autumn and knowing it's about to go away for a long, cold winter.  So I'm frantically swimming as many days at the sky will let me, and trying to store away every moment of pool joy to mull over in my winter blankets.  And I'm reminded it's not just a pool.  It was a lifelong dr

Antideppressants

So last night I asked Nikki to reconsider his resistance to antidepressants and talk to Bethany(our doctor) about finding the right one.  It has been 20 years since I was on one, and my understanding of the modern choices is that the different kinds aren't just different brands, but work differently on different types of issues.  I assume Bethany will know more, she's been concerned about his mental state for a while and wanting him to talk over the options with her.  She's not a pill pusher, in

Anniversary

So it was a rocky year, but we made it out okay.  Today was our 18th anniversary, and we had a great day.  And the weather was almost nice!    We had a nice brunch out(Nikki is trying to live on my schedule during staycation, silly sleepy boy so we didn't wake up til 11), my aunt stopped by to drop off my birthday card since I was busy yesterday only she actually forgot the card on her counter, then we packed up more tubs and moved them to my moms and stopped and my aunts on the way home, grabbe

And woke up to life going off the rails again today.

Sometimes I just don't feel appropriate emotions to what is happening.  My best freind's husband is on suicide watch, and I really care for her, but not so much for him anymore.  He doesn't listen to the doctors.  He treats her like crap.  He makes no effort to get better, and spends a lot of time telling me how awful a wife she is, bragging about the time he had an affair, and other things that I honestly would have divorced the dude over, but she just sighs and says that's how he is.  She dese

And that week of work is finally over.

SERIOUSLY I hate my job.  Nikki did the math, and barring any unforeseen financial emergencies (I can hear the peanut gallery laughing at the girl who thinks life is going to cooperate and nothing major will break in the last five months) it's looking like August is my exit day.  This week was just stupid.  Paperwork going wrong, customers being weird, half the people on vacation, half of who was left getting seriously ill.  If I have to forcibly tell one more person "I am reception/accounts rec

And so the attempt to get organized early begins.

Nikki's passport has wandered off somewhere, again.  And I"m only 60 percent sure mine is still where I remember it being.  I honestly think these things are alive, aware they are at the end of their lifespan, and Really Angry about that.  (I have to renew them next year, and I never renewed them before, and I'm disproportionately freaked out by official things I've never done before).  And I still have to organize excursions (we like to have them ordered and paid before we go, the less we spend

ALl the houses are starting to blur together.

SO it's my job to keep an eye on the housing market and come up with reasonable solutions for later, while Nikki full on job hunts and we work together on the actual physicality of packing and repairs.  So...he'll give me a city  he's found a potential job in and I yay or nay based on  housing prices.  But now I have looked at so so many that they have blended into one insane, nightmare of a house riddled with water damage, hideous pink bathrooms, strange flora outside that looks like it want to

Adventures in Spa land.

So I was warm for something like 11 days.  10 really, the second day of the drive home was cold and insanely rainy and foggy depending on where we were.  Managed to not fry my skin or drown in the spa.  Seriously, that was nearly a thing.  We got the spa access package this cruise which we never do, but Nikki's injured back benefitted greatly.  So we tried new things.  Here's how that went, feel free to laugh.  ​1) Heated Ceramic Loungers - big ceramic lounge chairs designed by a chiropractor t

21st anniversary

Thank you to everyone on the forum who helped me sort out my feelings, learn, and work things out.  Yesterday we celebrated our 21st anniversary, and I can say we've really rebuilt this marriage and it's going strong.   And managed to get home from dinner through Ohio's surprise ice storm.  Outback Steakhouse is nice food(lobe their chicken tortilla soup) but not worth dying over! 

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