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About this blog

Kitten Nikki here just learning to when and where to sharpen my claws.

Entries in this blog

 

So the past few weeks sucked

Haven't felt like doing much of anything and really have been just going through the motions. My cat, the cat that Bree got when I was way down from my bout with cancer back in the early aughts, had her own bout with cancer and lost. Initially they thought it was lung cancer and gave us steroids to help her fight it, but it turns out that was just the secondary cancer. She stopped eating, started having seizures almost every hour and was falling apart. When we took her into the vet that's when t

KittenNikki

KittenNikki

 

Socializing an Anti-Social homebody

I am not a social butterfly. I'm happier in smaller groups of people I really know and even just staying at home to watch a movie or play games. I was asked what kinds of socializing I'd like to actually do since I'd been mentioning going to a group setting of like minded people and I'd mentioned clubs or outings or something along those lines where I could go dressed in either mode and feel comfortable with and get to know others who are dealing with some of the things I am. I do a lot of my so

KittenNikki

KittenNikki

 

Depression, being forgotten and a comforting Bree

So today was definitely a down day for me. Got to work which has been the biggest source of depressive feelings and situations lately and realized I hadn't heard about our monthly birthday celebrations and since mine was coming up I should have been in this month's. I looked it up and it was 2 weeks ago. I was at work when they were doing it. The organizer, the manager who runs it, and my boss included couldn't be bothered to tell me, get a hold of me, e-mail me about it, whatever. So I was init

KittenNikki

KittenNikki

 

Daredevil and sick

Today has just been... blah. I woke up mostly ok, but after Bree and I ended up getting entangled and went out for breakfast, the headache kicked in and I realized that the little fog that had been sitting in the back of my head was congestion and Bree wasn't going to be getting much out of me. So the blah day has been filled with a Daredevil season 2 binge along with some errands.  It has been a quiet meh I'm sick kind of day. Bree and I have otherwise been working on things in our relationshi

KittenNikki

KittenNikki

 

Therapy and such

Just working through some things since the therapy session. Long talks with Bree, several attempts at trying to shake some of the doldrums and just in general a lot going on.  I have an appointment with our regular doctor next week and I'm going to talk to her about getting something for my depression. I've found it's hard to talk about my feelings when I don't really have the capability to feel anything beyond extreme highs and lows and then just don't really feel anything at all otherwise. I c

KittenNikki

KittenNikki

 

Nikki's First Day Out

After talking with Bree we decided to talk on the way up for lunch and keep to our original Friday plans and hit up the calzone place we like. I have to admit I was more distracted getting ready this time than I have been before. It wasn't just the argument we'd gotten into but I have to admit that was a big part of it at the start. I was more thinking about the fact that Bree and I were going out on a date and I was going to be in girl mode, granted in casual girl mode in jeans and a nice shirt

KittenNikki

KittenNikki

 

And I screwed up

Bree got me thinking after we talked and got into an argument because I'm over-reacting and not understanding like normal and maybe I am being a guy about all of this in how I relate to her. It's not easy on her, my either misunderstanding or complete lack thereof making her incredibly upset and now that we've talked more she made me realize I'm either coming across as being incredibly selfish or am incredibly selfish. I am being selfish on a lot of things in this. Yes there are some things that

KittenNikki

KittenNikki

 

First Therapy session, lunch and a haircut

I was actually feeling kind of down today as our resident conspiracy theorist and cynicist extreme (I thought I was bad and he takes it to a whole new level) managed to be even crazier and down on everything than usual. The dude needs to go back to therapy or something because he's getting to levels where he could drive a room of people out just from his scowl. Anyway, did what I could to brighten my own mood a bit and talked to Bree as much as I could at work. Had to leave early today (thankful

KittenNikki

KittenNikki

 

Make-up and my own shoes and haircuts, oh boy

So the plan is to get a haircut that matches with my avatar here a bit more. Lots of layers but more shoulder length so it's more where I like it. I always dread getting my haircut because I'm always worrying they'll cut it way too short. I like it long-ish.  Bree and I went out for make-up last week, just the basics. I'm currently in girl mode and feeling a bit giddy about it all. I went through and followed a really good YouTube video for make-up covering the beard and all that jazz and did a

KittenNikki

KittenNikki

 

Cancer, make-up, old memories and learning to deal

Found out a really decent human being I used to see at work every day until the middle of last year when he started cancer treatments passed away yesterday morning. He always had a smile on his face and always had a kind word and he really didn't deserve it. Hell no one does. I guess I kind of knew this was coming. No one had good news and he had to change where he was getting his treatment because he couldn't handle the drive anymore, but this isn't something anyone should ever get used to. 

KittenNikki

KittenNikki

 

Hell Plague

So after taking care of Bree for almost a week, I've contracted the milder form of the Hell Plague. So when I'm feeling better I'll be back on here more. Right now there's a lot of moping and moaning and drinking of juice. 

KittenNikki

KittenNikki

 

Girl Mode and Boy Mode and where am I right now?

Am I a girl trapped in a man’s body? That was the question that was plaguing me for so long and that I thought I had the answer to, but I was also really struggling with it because my experiences and feelings didn’t fall in line with what I was seeing from other people in the community. I knew I felt like that some days and some days I didn’t at all. And I realized when I got saddled with working hours that didn’t fit with Bree’s and my depression flared up because I didn’t get to be around her

KittenNikki

KittenNikki

 

Valentine's Day Fun and thoughts

So last night was interesting and fun. I do admit I have certain kinks and my wife knows about them, but last night we decided to incorporate a number of them together for some Valentine’s Day fun after going out to see a movie and hanging out chit chatting through the evening. It was kind of an amazing thing and I loved that we were both able to connect over them in a way that we both got a lot out of it. This isn’t necessarily something she and I have ever approached before and most of that is

KittenNikki

KittenNikki

 

Relaxing day... mostly

Spent most of my afternoon lounging with Bree both in our computer room and spent some time upstairs. Worked on trying to figure out a few things in my 3D program without success and am now just enjoying raid night with the guild.  Today has just been a t-shirt, gym pants and the bra and breastforms kind of day.  I did use the nair this morning to remove my chest and stomach hair. If I'm ambitious I'll get my legs tomorrow. Bree is absolutely right about the smooth skin having much more sensat

KittenNikki

KittenNikki

 

The forms arrive with the snow

So my breasts arrived today. Well the breastforms. I ended up getting the 1800g Motawator Silicone Breast Forms as they fit the bras I have access to and they looked like they'd be a good size for my frame and they are really fantastic.I am a little worried that it looks like I have constantly erect nipples but I'm sure I can cover those later if I go out.  The weight is really good and while the water balloons I'd been using were ok, these are a lot better at giving me the feeling I was looking

KittenNikki

KittenNikki

 

Sharing a kink and a few other thoughts

So while we were cleaning out the closet today so that Bri could hang up more of her clothes without my male clothes eating into her space and remove a lot of things and we went through some of her clothes since we're planning on sharing some of her clothes and mine.  Well that's when she mentioned her tights and if I wanted to try them as they were still too tight for her. I jumped at the chance. While dressing up in female mode I don't usually get physically excited, emotionally yes as I'm get

KittenNikki

KittenNikki

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