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Emily

A blog by Emilyruns in General

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About this blog

Daily / weekly blog on early stages of Transgender exploration

Entries in this blog

Non-binary

Non-binary option

Just an update on how things are going, it's been so long since I've been online here! I've been working through that book by Dara Hofmann-Fox, and it's been super helpful. It's gotten me to start exploring non-binary options, which may be a good place for me to be on the gender spectrum. I've been going out dressed as me a bit. Went to a coffee shop for the first time ever to meet up with a trans friend, and we both brought our spouses. It felt so good to be myself in public! But pretty nerve w
Emilyruns

Emilyruns in Non-binary

4

HRT

I just got done with the initial informed consent process for HRT. I can't believe I'm doing this! This is what I've been dreaming about (literally) all my life! I cried and laughed at the same time when I realized this is getting real. Love you all!
Emilyruns

Emilyruns

1

Electrolysis & HRT

I'm so excited! Tomorrow first appointments for electrolysis on beard and on my downstairs mixup! Already been doing it on back, neck, brows, nose, and ears, so at least I know how it feels. Can't wait. This is gonna be fun!!! And on Wednesday I have a drs appointment to talk about HRT. More exceitement! I can hardly sleep!
Emilyruns

Emilyruns

3

Coming out to my parents

This happened yesterday. And this blog entry will be short, because there's not much to tell. I love my parents, and they love me. Unconditionally. They did not see me being transgender coming at all, so I looked at their blank faces for a few seconds. But then they snapped out of it, and they're supportive. Son or daughter, I am their child. They've heard and seen a lot on the subject in the media, so they were well aware what transgender means. That was about it. I had a fantastic day after co
Emilyruns

Emilyruns

2

New fad

I think I'm starting a new fad. It's called insomnia. You should try it. Loads of fun.
Emilyruns

Emilyruns

1

Outside for the first time!

I finally made it outside! Just a short evening walk with my wife, but it was glorious. How's the make up? I'm colourblind, so it's a serious question. Anything with colours is a bit daunting to me.  
Emilyruns

Emilyruns

2

Bipolar

Just need to rant a bit. My new psychologist has just diagnosed me with bipolar. But they never told me about the diagnosis. Now finally I'll be starting some meds! Yay! Once those are in effect and helping I can start thinking about GD and hormones again. AAaaargghh! This is taking waaay to long for my brain to handle all this!
Emilyruns

Emilyruns

2

Coming out to a friend for the first time

A few days ago I came out for the first time to a friend. To two friends actually. They were long time friends, and I chose wisely. They were super supportive, hardly batted an eye to the word transgender, and just offered help and support, and we shared many tears. One of them even sent me a few packs of nail stickers to help me feel better and give me another little way of expressing my true self. Super cute! I can't deny though, that I was very scared to do this. Doubt has been naggi
Emilyruns

Emilyruns

5

Back on the rollercoaster

Had an easy day, male day, easy coasting, no problem. 6 pm rolls around. Flip! Fem again. I'm so done with this rollercoaster. Feeling soooo >-(  annoyed!! AAAAARRRRGGHH!!!! Sorry, venting.
Emilyruns

Emilyruns

4

Counseling, COVID-19, and coming out to my kids

This is a long one. If you don’t want to read all of it, scroll to the end. That’s where I’ve posted questions. So far my experience with counseling has been very positive. Through a program at my wife's work I was able to get my first three sessions with a good local counselor. He was very experienced and specialized in men's issues, but not specifically transgender oriented. He offered loads of help, also outside of sessions, e.g. via e-mail and text messages. Because we had only three se
Emilyruns

Emilyruns

4

Fun with nail polish

It's not all bad. Some things are really fun. Using nail polish to teach my 1-year old his colours! And he really likes it too! Of course his older brother of 4 is a bit jealous, so I'm making him do the colours in Spanish. Right hand has the rest of the rainbow. Really fun!
Emilyruns

Emilyruns

0

Flip flop annoyance

Lately I feel I'm doing a bit better. Fewer super low dips, and fewer super high highs. Even my appetite has improved (yay! I love food!). But I'm annoyed. Thoroughly annoyed. My brain does what I call flip flopping. It's been doing this for months. I wake up in the morning male (usually), but within a few hours it flips to female. A few hours later again it flops back to male. This back and forth flip flopping continues throughout the whole day, or until I'm too tired (usually around 5 o'clock
Emilyruns

Emilyruns

0

Less fun days

Some days are super fun. On those days I feel all female. She's active, cheerful, happy, and it's nearly impossible for her to run out of patience. Three days ago though, she disappeared. Since then I've felt male...ish. I expected to feel like my old male self. But I don’t. It’s kind of like him, but he feels empty, like a shell. Something’s missing, something’s not right. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike the old male me. He was a nice person, who was kind and patient and loving to his famil
Emilyruns

Emilyruns

2

A bit slow in the uptake

Hello everyone, my name is Emily. A long time ago I was born a man. A short time ago I started discovering that I may have gender dysphoria, and really would prefer to be a woman. It's both terrible and wonderful at the same time. Terrible, because of very strong feelings of guilt: what am I putting my family through?! And wonderful, because it totally explains how I've felt and thought my whole life. I've always thought that I fancy women's things, because I fancy women. That makes some sort of
Emilyruns

Emilyruns

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